The Dumbest Things Ever Said
The Best of the Bushisms
Insanity Raised and Trumped by The Donald
Crazy Ben Carson Chimes in with More Bats in the Belfry
Ted Cruz Control
Who said the dumbest things ever uttered? My vote goes to the
"Bushisms" of George W. Bush and his confederacy of dunces: Dick
Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Madeline Albright. You can
find plenty of evidence of their stupidity on this page, along with incredibly
dumb things said by presidential candidates who should know better, such as
Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann,
Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum.
A collection of malaprops and dim-witticisms compiled by
Michael R. Burch
Lord Byron was the first person to use the word "malaprop," according to the Oxford English Dictionary.
The great satirist would have had a field day lampooning the bevy of befuddled
bozos below ... but then, on second thought, they really don't need anyone's
help because they are their own worst enemies. If you're looking for
stupendously dumb things said by specific people, just press CTRL-F to find
their names below, or search for terms like "Bushisms" and "Iraq."
Famous Last Words,
Insanity Raised and Trumped by The Donald
Here are some of the truly crazy and bizarre things Donald Trump has said and done during his presidential campaign:
"When did we ever beat Japan at anything?" Trump asked, apparently forgetting
World War II and the fact that the U.S. economy has outperformed Japan's for
Trump claims that we never "beat" China despite the fact that the average
American is much better off than the average Chinaman, not only in term of
freedoms, but in terms of money and standard of living as well.
Trump claims that we never beat anyone, but ask the average Russian who has
things better. How many American women become mail order brides for Russian men,
Trump is a birther who himself produced a hospital "certificate of birth" rather
than an official birth certificate. Because his mother is an alien, for all we
know he could be an anchor baby!
Donald Trump says that he will deport 11 million people by ignoring the Constitution and denying them due process, even children born in the U.S. who are American citizens according to the 14th Amendment.
Trump falsely claimed that "thousands and thousands" of Arab-Americans cheered
in New Jersey as the Twin Towers fell. He claims to have "watched" this event
himself, but police and reporters say it never happened.
After all his bluster and bragging about how "tough" he is, Trump has become a
quivering bundle of fear who insists that the world's most powerful nation must
things that were "frankly unthinkable" a short time ago.
Trump talked about closing mosques and keeping a database of Muslims, then added torture
(waterboarding) to the list of "unthinkable" things that will "absolutely" be
Trump's descent into fear and fascism is a bad joke on Americans, as
he parrots the Nazi claim that "security must rule."
When asked four times how his "security" plans for Muslims were any different
from Hitler's "security" plans for Jews during the Holocaust, Trump's only
answer was "You tell me."
Trump insists that
surrendering to irrational fears is "leadership" and that anyone more rational
is "weak" and "low energy." (Hitler was very high energy, but his surrender to
irrational fears led to WWII and the Holocaust.)
Trump dreamed up a "military coup" that no real military expert has even
remotely suggested, claiming: "This could be one of the great
military coups of all time" if ISIS sends "young, strong people"
But how on earth are a few thousand homeless refugees going to defeat the most
powerful military on the planet and take over a nation of 300 million people?
The idea is ludicrous.
People who live in fear of things that cannot possibly happen are insane. Thus
Trump, by his own admission, is insane.
Trump claims to paternalistically love "the blacks" and says that they love him in
return. Oh really?
Trump recently said that a Black Lives Matter
protester who was punched and kicked by his supporters at a campaign event probably
deserved to be "roughed up."
But all the protester was "doing" was exercising his First Amendment right by
chanting "Black lives matter." Trump mouths constantly, so why can't black
Americans speak their minds as well?
Trump has dismissed the Black Lives Matter movement as "looking for
trouble" and has described efforts by Democratic candidates to engage them as
Trump seemed to excuse two of his supporters who ambushed and brutally beat a homeless Latino man,
saying that his supporters "are very passionate" and "love
this country" and just want to follow his lead to make it "great again."
slew of such incidents, rather than rebuking the attackers,
Trump's campaign began corralling media, trying to prevent reporters from mingling
with the crowds at rallies.
Trump diagnosed Dr. Ben Carson's malady, telling Bill O'Reilly: "When you suffer
from pathological disease, you’re not really getting better unless you start
taking lots of pills and things."
Trump claims to be "handsome" despite having the world's worst wig or combover,
but he says Carly Fiorina cannot be elected because of "that face." Shouldn't
his hair disqualify him, or are only women judged by their appearances?
Trump's name appears in Jeffrey Epstein's little black book. Epstein is a
notorious pedophile. Trump called him a "terrific guy" and mentioned his
penchant for girls on the "younger" side.
Trump himself has expressed a preference for young, beautiful, exchangeable
"pieces of ass."
Here is Trump sounding like the second coming of Herr Hitler: "We’re going to
have to do things that we never did before. And some people are
going to be upset about it, but I think that now everybody is feeling that
security is going to rule. And certain things will be done
that we never thought would happen in this country ...
and so we're going to have to do certain things that were frankly
unthinkable a year ago."
Crazy Ben Carson Chimes in with More Bats in the Belfry
Ben Carson claims that he has been "much more strenuously
vetted" than President Obama ever was. Ha!
Like Donald Trump, Ben Carson claims that it is "unfair" for the media to quote
what he said himself, or to seek to verify that what he said is true!
Carson says the president can ignore Supreme Court rulings on marriage equality,
which means he can ignore the law on other things as well.
Carson told Baltimore faith and community leaders not to criticize police
because it makes them too "timid" to do their jobs.
Carson said that protests against police violence help terrorist groups like
ISIS and Al Qaeda.
Carson accused the women's lib movement of creating a "me generation" that led
to police shootings.
Carson also said that Michal Brown was shot because he lacked a father figure,
although he did have a father.
Carson is woefully weak on foreign policy. This was confirmed by one of his
advisers, Duane R. Clarridge: "Nobody has been able to sit down with him and
have him get one iota of intelligent information about the Middle East."
Why does Carson appear to be
constantly misinformed? Probably because he
gets his "facts" from Faux News. Carson also subscribes to any number
of zany conspiracy theories.
Carson says the Egyptian pyramids were grain silos! But who buries the world's
richest men and women in grain silos? Who would build silos so far away from the
farms and the buyers? It makes no sense, whatsoever.
Carson tweeted: "It is important to remember that amateurs built the Ark and it
was professionals that built the Titanic." Not true, because the ancient
Egyptians were the master builders of their era.
Carson claims that Obamacare is the "worst thing" to happen to America since
slavery, but what about the Civil War, World War I, World War II, the Vietnam
Carson says Planned Parenthood was created exclusively to eliminate black
Americans, but what about all the white and Hispanic females who have been
treated by Planned Parenthood?
Carson says Jews could have prevented the Holocaust if they had guns, but how
can massively outnumbered civilians armed with pistols withstand panzers and
fighter planes, when powerful nations like France could not?).
Ben Carson is such a crackpot that he would shoot down a Russian plane if it
accidentally violated a U.S.-led no-fly zone over Syria, risking an unnecessary
war: "If they violate it, we will, in fact, enforce it. We'll see what happens.
For us to always be backing down because we're afraid of a conflict, that's not
how we became a great nation." Should our foreign policy be to shoot down
planes to "see what happens," really? According to Crazy Ben Carson, the U.S. became a great
nation by having a hair trigger and rushing into avoidable wars. Trump and
Carson seem to be in a competition to become the biggest, brashest bully on the
Ben Carson is willing to put American boots on the ground in the Middle East
again, and says the American military should not be subject to war crimes
prosecution. So he would have allowed the Mai Lai massacre, it seems. When asked
during the first debate if he would allow torture (waterboarding), Carson's calm
response was that torture is fine, as long as we don't advertise what we're
Carson has joined Trump in stereotyping Muslim refugees, comparing them
to a "rabid dog" in the neighborhood. According to Carson we should
engage our intellects when we see a rabid dog. But if I see a rabid dog, should
I jump to the conclusion that all dogs have rabies? That seems to be the
"intellectual" process that takes place when right-wing wackos see Muslims.
But if one in a million dogs has rabies,
there is obviously no need to deport or quarantine all dogs. Rather, we should watch for
aberrant behavior in individual dogs and single them out for special attention.
After the second debate, Carson opined that a Muslim should not be president because Islam
is "incompatible" with the Constitution. Has Carson ever read the Bible? It is
not exactly about democracy. According to the Bible, Americans should still be
subject to the British monarchy, because kings and other authorities are
appointed by God and must always be obeyed. Also, religious freedom is
incompatible with the ten commandments and the Bible's frequent declarations
that there is only one God, who must be obeyed by everyone.
In an interview with WorldNet Daily, Carson tied together Benghazi, marijuana
use, and harrell Williams'
song "Happy" in a bizarre attempt to prove that communists are out to destroy the U.S. economy. And the
main "communist," of course, is President Obama. While being profiled by GQ
magazine, Carson called President Obama a "psychopath," and later defended doing
so in an interview with CNBC host John Harwood. Carson has also accused
President Obama of "treason." He has also accused President Obama of plotting to
stay in office by declaring martial law after his term expires. At CPAC last
year, Carson told Breitbart News that the U.S. is "very much like Nazi Germany,"
and recommended that Americans read Hitler's Mein Kampf if they want to
understand President Obama.
Carson has advocated using military drones along the American border with
Mexico: "I’m suggesting we do what we need to do to secure the border whatever
that is. You look at some of these caves and things out there – one drone
strike, BOOM!, and they’d [be] gone." Carson later denied
that he was talking about killing suspected legal immigrants, but because drones
can't examine caves to see if anyone is hiding in them, it sounds like there
would be executions without due process, and that children could be among the
victims. If Carson wasn't talking about hunting and killing illegal immigrants,
it makes no sense to use drones, since the caves aren't going anywhere. If the
only goal was to demolish the caves, that could be done much more safely and
efficiently with explosives planted by human beings or robots. So either way
Carson once again makes absolutely no sense.
Ted Cruz Control
Ted Cruz bears an eerie resemblance to Paul Bearer, the funeral parlor "manager"
of pro wrestling's Undertaker. Cruz looks like death warmed over, and the things
he says are even scarier ...
Cruz has threatened to introduce Iran's supreme leader to the 72 virgins
(i.e., to assassinate a head of state that is not at war with the United
Cruz compared opposing Obamacare to refusing to "appease" Nazis.
In an interview with The Daily Caller during his Senate run, Cruz said:
"I think President Obama is the most radical president this nation’s ever seen
Cruz claimed that Chuck Hagel's nomination for secretary of defense was
"publicly celebrated by the Iranian government—surely an occurrence without
precedent." But of course it didn't happen.
Cruz told a largely Arab Christian audience in Washington, as they booed him for
his support of apartheidist
Israel: "If you will not stand with Israel and the Jews, then I will not stand
Cruz says he is "very, very happy" to be called a "proud wacko bird" for "defending the
Constitution" (although he usually seems to be doing just the opposite).
Cruz says "Net Neutrality is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not
operate at the speed of government."
In an interview with Candy Crowley, Cruz claimed that the president’s pick for
surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, wasn’t qualified because of statements he had
made about the Second Amendment.
Cruz claims that President Obama is just a "social worker" who wants to put ISIS
"on expanded Medicaid."
Cruz says military chaplains should be intolerant bigots: "I kind of thought it
was the job of a chaplain to be insensitive to atheists."
After leading the GOP charge to shut down the government, Cruz repeatedly claimed that he had nothing to do with the GOP shutting down the government.
At the 2013 Values Voter Summit, Cruz said of the Obama administration: "I don’t
know that they’ve yet violated the Third Amendment, but I expect them to start
quartering soldiers in people’s homes soon."
In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Cruz said that gay
marriage leads to Christianity being 'defined elsewhere' as hate speech." Where,
exactly, has that happened except in Cruz's wild imagination?
Cruz told Chris Wallace: "In my life, I have never once seen an Hispanic
panhandler. In our community, it would be viewed as shameful to be out on the
street begging." Cruz must not get out much, or perhaps he wears blinders.
At an event in New Hampshire, Cruz said: "The Obama-Clinton foreign policy of
leading from behind ... the whole world is on fire." He then told an alarmed
three-year-old girl "Yes! Your world is on fire!"
Cruz may be correct on one count, though, because he said: "Twenty years from
now if there is some obscure trivial pursuit question, I am confident I will be
These far-from-sagacious predictions and quotes by George W. Bush & Co. bear a disturbing resemblance to the hubristic babblings of Adolf
Hitler and his Nazi henchmen: Herman Goering, Joseph Goebbels, et al.
Bring 'em on!―George W. Bush
We will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.―Dick Cheney
I don't do quagmires.―Donald Rumsfeld
Deficits don't matter.―Dick Cheney
The Iraqi forces are conducting the Mother of all Retreats.―Dick Cheney
With every advance by our coalition forces, the wisdom of [our] plan becomes more apparent.―Dick Cheney
I don’t do body counts.―Donald Rumsfeld
We don't do body counts.―General Tommy Franks, commander of the invasion of Iraq
In politics, every day is filled with numerous opportunities for serious error. Enjoy it.―Donald Rumsfeld
I can't tell you if the use of force in Iraq today will last five days, five weeks or five months, but it won't last any longer than
that.―Donald Rumsfeld (er, how about a decade and still no end in sight?)
I think this is a very hard choice, but the price: we think the price is worth it.―Secretary of State Madeleine Albright
During a 60 Minutes episode that aired on May 12, 1996, Lesley Stahl asked Secretary of State Madeleine Albright the following
question about U.S. sanctions against Iraq: "We have heard that a half million children have died. I mean, that's more children than died in
Hiroshima. And, you know, is the price worth it?" Albright replied, "I think this is a very hard choice, but the price: we think the
price is worth it." Please note that even when appearing on a major news show with millions of viewers, Albright made no attempt to deny
the figure given by Stahl—a rough rendering of the preliminary estimate in a 1995 U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO)
report that 567,000 Iraqi children under the age of five had died as a result of the sanctions. And yet while more than half a million
Iraqi children were dying of starvation, Saddam Hussein was building more palaces. The U.S. later ended up invading Iraq and waging war for
nearly a decade, with generally terrible and still-inconclusive results. Was the price "worth it," really? What if the children
had been American children ... would the price still have been worth it?
Free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction. ―George
W. Bush [who seems to have forgotten that the United States has developed thousands of WMDs, and that its ally Israel has hundreds of nukes and has never
signed a non-proliferation treaty or allowed inspections of its nuclear
On May 1, 2003 a banner reading "Mission Accomplished" was waving on the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln during a televised address
by George W. Bush. Bush claimed that major combat operations in Iraq were over, but the majority of casualties, both military and civilian,
occurred after his speech. Bush's jet landing on the carrier was criticized as an overly theatrical and expensive stunt, since the carrier was
well within range of Bush's helicopter. Originally the White House claimed that the carrier was too far off the California coast for a
helicopter landing but White House spokesman Ari Fleischer later admitted that Bush "could have helicoptered [aboard], but the plan was
already in place." As the Scottish poet Bobby Burns once said, "The best laid plans of mice and men gang of a-gly,"
which makes me think of the perfect closing lines by someone who's an expert on deceit ...
There are a lot of people who lie and get away with it, and that's just a fact.―Donald Rumsfeld [Et tu, Brute?]
There comes a time when deceit and defiance must be seen for what they are. At that point, a gathering danger must be directly confronted.―Dick Cheney,
explaining why Americans should have seen his deceit and defiance for what they
Other Republicans Chime In
I am not a crook!—Richard M. Nixon
Read my lips: No new taxes!—George H. W. Bush, who did raise taxes after all,
as did Ronald Reagan a number of times
There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how
passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things
happened in my life that were not appropriate." —Newt Gingrich, explaining why
he cheated on his first two wives in acts of passionate patriotism; he had
the first affair while his wife was suffering from cancer, and the second
while he was hypocritically orchestrating Bill Clinton's impeachment for having an extramarital
affair with Monica Lewinsky.
Corporations are people, my friend ... of course they are. Everything
corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes?
Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend."—Mitt
Romney to a heckler at the Iowa State Fair who suggested that taxes should be
raised on corporations as part of balancing the budget
I will tell you: It's three agencies of government, when I get there, that
are gone: Commerce, Education and the ... what's the third one there? Let's see
... OK. So Commerce, Education and the ... The third agency of government I
would ... I would do away with the Education, the ... Commerce and ... let's see
... I can't. The third one, I can't. Sorry. Oops.—Rick Perry, experiencing an
epic meltdown during a GOP debate, forgetting his plan to abolish the
dastardly Department of Energy and in the process perhaps indicating that it's
really not the Devil, after all
They [China] have indicated that they're trying to develop nuclear capability
and they want to develop more aircraft carriers like we have. So yes, we have to
consider them a military threat.—Herman Cain, warning that China could develop
nuclear weapons, even though they've them since 1964, in a PBS interview, Oct. 31,
Rick Santorum's Insantiorium
In a speech he made Ave Maria College in 2008, Santorum dismissed the faith of
Protestants as false, deluded, vain piousness, saying that Satan ("the Father of
Lies") had infiltrated the Protestant religion and that "mainstream, mainline
Protestantism" is now in "shambles" and is "gone from the world of
Christianity." According to Santorum, "Once the colleges fell, and those who
were being educated in our institutions, the next was the church. Now you’d say,
‘Well, wait, the Catholic Church?’ No. We all know that this country was founded
on a Judeo-Christian ethic, but the Judeo-Christian ethic was a Protestant
Judeo-Christian ethic. Sure, the Catholics had some influence, but this was a
Protestant country and the Protestant ethic. Mainstream, mainline
Protestantism. And of course we look at the shape of mainline Protestantism in
this country and it is a shambles. It is gone from the world of Christianity as
I see it. So they attacked mainline Protestantism, they attacked the Church, and
what better way to go after smart people who also believe they’re pious — to use
both vanity and pride to go after the Church."
In an interview with the Associated Press, Santorum opined that mutually
consenting adults do not have a right to privacy in bed, saying, "[The] right to
privacy ... doesn't exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution." He
also compared homosexuality with “man on child” and “man on dog,” causing the
interviewer to say that Santorum was “freaking” her out. He furthermore said, “
... [if] you have the right to consensual [gay] sex ... then you have the right
to ... adultery.” But of course most Americans think their sex lives are their
own business and don’t want the government dictating what they can do in bed, so
they do not want adultery to be illegal but a matter of personal choice between
Santorum wants state governments to legislate the limits of human desires and
passions: "The idea is that the state doesn't have rights to limit individuals'
wants and passions. I disagree with that. I think we absolutely have rights
because there are consequences to letting people live out whatever wants or
passions they desire." Santorum thinks our
desires are too dangerous for us to be trusted with them, and he wants the
government to decide if and when we can have sex.
“This [gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11. We didn’t decide we wanted to
fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if
not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to
the Massachusetts version of the law?” Rick Santorum, comparing legalizing
same-sex marriage to the 9-11 terrorist attacks.
Santorum wants to ban contraceptives: "One of the things I will talk about, that
no president has talked about before, is ... the dangers of contraception. ...
It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is [sic]
counter to how things are supposed to be." In other words, Americans should have
sex in the missionary position and breed like rabbits to procreate, or give up sex
altogether. But around 99 percent of sexually active American women have used
some form of birth control, and "helping people get access to birth control" is
supported by 82 percent of Americans. Santorum is virtually a cult of one on the
subject of denying Americans the right to have sex and use contraceptives as
they think best.
“The state has a right to do that [outlaw contraceptives], I have never
questioned that the state has a right to do that. It is not a constitutional
right, the state has the right to pass whatever statutes they have. That is the
thing I have said about the activism of the Supreme Court, they are creating
right, and they should be left up to the people to decide.” Rick Santorum,
declaring that states have the right to outlaw all forms of birth control. But
if states can outlaw birth control on Catholic religious grounds, why can't
Christian Scientists outlaw all health care, since they don't believe in it? Why
can't faith healers make it illegal for Americans to seek any kind of medical care, other than paying them for a laying on of
hands? How can anyone seriously suggest that in the modern world, flaky
religious beliefs should be allowed to trump reason?
"This [the government making contraceptives available to women by law] is simply
someone trying to impose their values on somebody else, with the arm of the
government doing so. That should offend everybody, people of faith and no faith
that the government could get on a roll that is that aggressive.” But Santorum
has spoken repeatedly about forcing all Americans to obey God's will and God's
laws, as Santorum interprets them. The new Obama healthcare legislation doesn't
force anyone to use contraceptives. But Santorum clearly wants to deny all
American women access to contraceptives, because of his religious beliefs on
contraception, which are not shared by most Americans. So who is trying to
impose his values on whom, really?
"We have Judeo-Christian values that are based on biblical truth. ... And those
truths don't change just because people's attitudes may change." But according
to "biblical truth," fathers should be able to sell their own daughters as sex
slaves, with the option to buy them back if they don't "please" their new
masters [Exodus 21]. From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible is wrong about
slavery, stoning children to death for misdemeanors, and many other things. So who's to say that the writers of the Bible weren't also wrong about
“I believe that any doctor that performs an abortion, I would advocate that any
doctor that performs an abortion, should be criminally charged for doing so.”
Rick Santorum, saying that doctors should be arrested if they help women and
girls deal with unwanted pregnancies due to rape and incest, or if they help end
pregnancies that threaten the lives of pregnant women and girls.
"In far too many families with young children, both parents are working ...
Here, we can thank the influence of radical feminism." (from Santorum's book
It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good). Of course women
working has nothing to do with family values, needing to put bread on the table,
or (gasp!) the desire to do productive things ... only Rick Santorum in his
godly wisdom is able to see that "radical feminism" is the root of all evil,
replacing the love of money.
After the South Carolina primary, Santorum said “Game on! ... Thank God for
those [Americans] who cling to their guns and their Bibles.”
Santorum again: "The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against
Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical ...
What I'm talking about is onward American soldiers. What we're talking about are
core American values." But during the Crusades the Catholic church’s armies
invaded the Middle East and massacred multitudes of Jews and Muslims. How,
exactly, does murdering people of different races and creeds reflect “American
Echoing Newt Gingrich, Santorum recently denied the human rights of millions of
completely innocent Palestinian women and children, saying: “There is no
‘Palestinian.’” This is the type of racist “thinking” that led to 9/11 and two
Santorum is not content with unnecessary wars in the Middle East and also wants
to go to war with more than a billion Chinese citizens as well: “I don’t want to
go to a trade war, I want to beat China. I want to go to war with China and make
America the most attractive place in the world to do business.”
During a campaign stop in Iowa, Santorum said, "I don't want to make black
people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them
the opportunity to go out and earn the money." Like Newt Gingrich, he insults
African Americans while pretending to want to help them, by suggesting that poor
black people have a lesser work ethic than other poor people (presumably, poor
Santorum favors torture: "I mean the fact is that some of this information that
we have found out that led to Osama bin Laden actually came from these enhanced
interrogation techniques." But what would he say if non-Christians were torturing
American soldiers, I wonder?
Santorum, sounding every bit as confused as George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and
Michele Bachmann, asked, "Would the potential attraction to Mormonism by simply
having a Mormon in the White House threaten traditional Christianity by leading
more Americans to a church that some Christians believe misleadingly calls
itself Christian, is an active missionary church, and a dangerous cult?" Well,
if having irrational ideas and evangelizing them constitutes a dangerous cult,
Rick Santorum is the likeliest candidate to head such an endeavor.
In an interview with CNS News, Santorum said, "The question is — and this is
what Barack Obama didn't want to answer — is that human life a person under the
Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not
a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'We're
going to decide who are people and who are not people.'" Despite the fact that
millions of white Americans are pro-choice, Santorum elects to play the race
card against President Obama.
“I believe the earth gets warmer and I also believe the earth gets cooler. And
I think history points out that it does that and that the idea that man, through
the production of CO2 — which is a trace gas in the atmosphere, and the man-made
part of that trace gas is itself a trace gas — is somehow responsible for
climate change is, I think, just patently absurd when you consider all the other
factors.” Like many conservative Christians, Santorum denies the evidence of
evolution and global warming, which means he threatens the lives of our children
and grandchildren by refusing to confront and deal with facts.
“Suffering, if you’re a Christian, suffering is a part of life. And it’s not a
bad thing, it is an essential thing in life … There are all different ways to
suffer. One way to suffer is through lack of food and shelter and there’s
another way to suffer which is lack of dignity and hope and there’s all sorts of
ways that people suffer and it’s not just tangible, it’s also intangible and we
have to consider both.” Rick Santorum, saying that Americans should suffer
because suffering is good, which is one of the many irrational ideas of Roman
“I support the Ryan budget plan. I think it’s the right direction on the major
points. I can’t say I’ve read all of it, but on the major thrust of what he’s
doing, I support what he wants to do with Medicare, Medicaid. The only thing I
would do, frankly, as I’ve said publicly many times, I think we should implement
a lot of these things sooner than what he’s suggesting.” Rick Santorum,
supporting the Paul Ryan plan to kill Medicare and Medicaid, even though this
would be a death sentence for many elderly and disabled Americans.
“Yeah, remember, under the Bush administration, welfare — I mean, excuse me,
poverty among African Americans and among single unmarried women, poverty was at
the lowest rate ever in the history of this country. So Obama’s policies are not
working, Bush polices worked! For long a time as a matter of fact.” Rick
Santorum, falsely claiming that poverty was the lowest in history because of
Bush policies. In fact, poverty increased during the Bush administration.
“It doesn’t matter what I do. People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn’t matter
what I live.”—Newt Gingrich
"I think you can write a psychological profile of me that says I found a way to immerse my insecurities in a cause large enough to
justify whatever I wanted it to."—Newt Gingrich, speaking to Gail Sheehy
Newt Gingrich is an unapologetic hypocrite, as he just admitted in the quotes above. How can any presidential candidate say, "It doesn't
matter what I do"? If that was true, Gingrich shouldn't criticize Barack Obama, as nothing he does would matter a hill of beans either.
But of course Gingrich has created a ridiculous double-standard, in which nothing he does matters, but anything anyone else
does matters greatly. So he can claim to be for "family values" while having multiple affairs and dodging child support, then turn
around and castigate Bill Clinton for being unfaithful to his wife. According to realchange.org, "In an amazing act of hypocrisy, Gingrich
was apparently dating [Castilla] Bisek all during Clinton-Lewinsky adultery scandal, even as he proclaimed family values and bitterly
criticized the President for his adultery."
Normally, I would say that the sex lives of politicians should remain private. But when a hypocritical moralist attacks other people for
something he's doing himself, I think we have every right to question his character, especially when he elects to run for high office. And the
shameful way Gingrich treated his own family certainly calls both his character and personal morals into question ...
"The most notorious incident in Gingrich's marriage ... was when he cornered Jackie [his first wife] in her hospital room where she was
recovering from uterine cancer surgery and insisted on discussing the terms of the divorce he was seeking. Shortly after that infamous
encounter, Gingrich refused to pay his alimony and child-support payments. The First Baptist Church in his hometown had to take up a
collection to support the family Gingrich had deserted. Six months after divorcing Jackie, Gingrich married a younger woman ... with whom he
had been having an affair." ("Newt's Glass House" by Stephen Talbot, Salon.com, 8/28/1998)
Gingrich dismissed his infidelities, which at least twice happened while his wives were facing health crises, by turning them into acts of
"There's no question at
times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this
country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not
to be a Christian, but because Jesus Christ reserved his sternest criticism for
hypocrites, how can we take Gingrich, the Ultimate
Pharisee, seriously? If Gandhi had called for everyone else to practice
non-violence, then had gone around beating up people himself, would anyone
consider him a great man of peace? Of course not. We need a president who
practices what he preaches, not one who lectures other people on ethics he has
no intention of applying to himself.
“She isn’t young enough or pretty enough to be the President’s wife. And
besides she has cancer.”—Newt
Gingrich, explaining why he dumped his first wife
Gingrich, who looks like a puffed-up, bloated toad, has no reason to judge
his wife, or any woman, by her age and looks. By his standard, Mitt Romney
should be president because he's younger and better looking than Gingrich.
But then Paris Hilton is even younger and better looking, so why not make her
One of Gingrich's extramarital flames, Anne Manning, said of her
relationship with him during the 1976 campaign: "We had oral sex. He prefers
that modus operandi because then he can say, 'I never slept with her.'"
But of course that was also Bill Clinton's "thinking." It's not my place
or desire to
judge other people's sex lives, but I think Gingrich's hypocrisy is self-evident
and deeply troubling in a presidential candidate. But Gingrich is also afflicted by wild hubris and
erratic thinking that have no place in the White House ...
“Gingrich primary mission: Advocate of civilization, definer of
civilization, teacher of the rules of civilization, leader of the civilizing
This is Gingrich describing himself. He reminds me of Richard Nixon, but while
Nixon was equally creepy, he wasn't nearly as bombastic as Gingrich. How can
anyone call himself the "definer of civilization" and keep a straight face?
Can he really believe the press clippings he creates for himself? Can any sane
person be that deluded?
"I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the
nature of America, by the time they're my age, they will be in a secular atheist
country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists."—Newt
Gingrich brags about being an "intellectual." But anyone with a
brain knows that if radical Islamists dominate a country, it will be neither
secular nor atheist. Like most demagogues and rabble rousers, Gingrich tries to
inspire fear in people, hoping they will be gullible enough to see him as their
protector and savior. No intellectual, Gingrich is
heavy on hype and bombast, and incredibly light on
“I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract; I think too
Thinking a lot and thinking well are two very different things. As this page
will amply demonstrate, Newt Gingrich is the antithesis of a good thinker on
many important issues.
“This is one of the great tragedies of the Bush administration. The more
successful they’ve been at intercepting and stopping bad guys, the less proof
there is that we’re in danger…It’s almost like they should every once in a
while have allowed an attack to get through just to remind us.”—Newt
According to Newt-onian "logic," the U.S. government should allow terrorist
attacks to succeed, in order to remind us that we're in danger! A more
reasonable approach would be to ask if the dangers of terrorism may have been
wildly overstated and used to excuse the invasion of Iraq in order to "secure"
Iraqi oil fields during the reign of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, who were
both big-oil men
“Give the park police more ammo.”—Newt
Newt the "intellectual" explaining how to solve the homeless
problem, after police shot and killed a homeless person in front
of the White House.
“I have enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. And
I’m doing it. I am now a famous person. I represent real power.”—Newt
Gingrich is such an egomaniac, he actually expects us to be as thrilled with his
ambition, fame and power as he is. He is obviously tone deaf to his own
megalomania and hubris.
Napoleon was infatuated with personal fame and power, as were Hitler and Stalin. But they
were fascists. We obviously do not need another fascist in the halls of
as we have seen what men like Bush, Cheney and Donald
Rumsfeld were able to do, in just a few short years.
“The problem isn’t too little money in political campaigns, but not enough.”—Newt
Yeah, right. This from the man whose Super-PAC is being bankrolled to
the tune of $10 million (and still counting) by Sheldon Adelson, a gambling mogul and
Israeli hardliner who has been lobbying to move the U.S. embassy from Tel Aviv
to Jerusalem. Such an insane move could trigger
World War III, but Gingrich has said this will be his first act if he's elected
president. Gingrich seems to care nothing about the Americans who will die in
future terrorist attacks, or the young men and women who will die in unnecessary
wars in the Middle East, if our country continues to fund and support Israel's
terrible racial injustices. He claims to be a "historian" and yet ignores the
history of the Palestinian people, who have been suffering under Israel's brutal
system of apartheid, ethnic cleansing and slow genocide for more than half a
century. A real historian would understand that Sitting Bull was not a
"terrorist" but a man whose people had been pushed to the brink of extermination
by white supremacists, and make the simple, obvious connection that Palestinians
now face a similar problem today.
And it's ironic that Gingrich has recently been running his campaign from
casinos. Why should we gamble on a loose, erratic canon like Newt Gingrich?
According to the New York Times, his aides "said that he had spent the
past four days hunkered down in the sprawling complex of the Venetian and
Palazzo casinos — owned by his supporter Sheldon Adelson — planning his new way
forward." Adelson is currently under federal investigation, so I think we have
to question the motives and methods of Gingrich's main supporter.
"I think that we've had an invented Palestinian people who are in fact Arabs and
who were historically part of the Arab community. And they had a chance to go
many places, and for a variety of political reasons, we have sustained this war
against Israel now since the 1940s, and it's tragic."—Newt
Gingrich the "historian" seems to have forgotten the American Declaration of Independence, which
clearly says that all human beings are created equal and that if they are denied equal
rights and representative government they have the duty to resist their
using force if necessary to secure their God-given rights. In his incredible
hubris, Gingrich negates the very basis of American values, by saying that some
people are not really people and thus have no right to resist oppression. That was the
fundamental mistake of the Confederacy and Nazi Germany, both of which chose to
ignore the human rights of millions of people. Now the U.S. constantly risks
World War III because our "ally" Israel refuses to treat the Palestinians like
human beings, while more than a billon Muslims watch their degradation and
brutal treatment with horror.
“It is time we passed a balanced budget amendment and return this government to
This from the man who wants to put a colony on the moon and who resists spending
less money on a far-flung military empire that we don't need, can't afford, and
only gets us in trouble when we try to police the world, especially in the
“The idea that a Congressman would be tainted by accepting money from private
industry or private sources is essentially a socialist argument.”—Newt
This, coming from a politician who made a career (and millions of dollars) out
of blatant influence peddling, is overt hypocrisy and demagoguery. Of course
Gingrich will quickly damn any of his political opponents who accept tainted
money. Does accusing
them of conflicts of interest or taking bribes automatically make him a
"socialist"? Of course not. But Gingrich doesn't want anyone to pry
into his private affairs, because of all the dirty laundry he's amassed over the
years, so he uses the "socialist" buzzword to protect himself from scrutiny.
“If you're not brave, you're not going to be free.”—Newt
Brave words, but why didn't Gingrich have the courage to live on his ample
salary during his days in Washington? Why do politicians like Gingrich ask young
Americans to risk their lives, health and mental well-being in wars they start
on false premises,
when they themselves lack the courage to simply not take bribes and kickbacks?
“If the Soviet empire still existed, I'd be terrified. The fact is, we can
afford a fairly ignorant presidency now.”—Newt
Do tell. We saw the cost of one "fairly ignorant" presidency, that of Bush
Junior. Can we really "afford" an ignorant, bombastic, hypocritical presidency? That's
what we'll undoubtedly see if Gingrich gets elected.
Democrats will bring to the United States "the joys of Soviet-style
brutality and the murder of women and children."—Newt
Oh really? Didn't Democrats like John F. Kennedy do just the opposite and stand up
to the Soviets? How many American Democrats, exactly, are in favor of murdering
women and children? In reality, if any American politicians are endangering the
lives of women and children, it's those Republicans who are working feverishly
to deny women and girls the right to abortions even when they are victims of
rape or incest, and when their lives and health are at risk. Having a baby is
never a walk in the park and can be fatal. Many Republicans ignore the very real
dangers of childbirth and autocratically deny women and girls the right to
decide whether they want to become mothers. This is the sort
of alpha male domination we might expect from the Soviet bloc, but here in the
United States such "thinking" usually originates with right-wing lunatics like Newt
Gingrich and Rick Santorum.
"The mother killing her two children in South Carolina vividly reminds every
American how sick the society is getting and how much we have to have change. I
think people want to change, and the only way you get change is to vote
Only an incredibly insensitive cad could use the deaths of innocent children to
fish for votes.
"There is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its
will on the rest of us."—Newt Gingrich
No, Newt. Gay people and many other Americans who aren't ultra-conservative
Christians like you just want the same rights as everyone else. No heterosexual
is threatened by gay marriage. I'm not going to leave my lovely wife to shack up
with some man, just because it's legal. There is no reason to discriminate
against other people because their taste in food, beverages or sex is different
The meeting between Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev was "the most
dangerous summit for the West since Adolf Hitler met with Chamberlain in 1938."—Newt Gingrich
Gingrich made the comment above in 1985. If he had been the
president then, rather than Reagan, the Cold War would still be in the
deep freeze stage.
"The secular-socialist machine represents as great a threat to America as
Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union once did."—Newt Gingrich
Gingrich made this comment recently, in 2010. But American Democrats are not
doing anything like what then Nazis and Soviets did, when they denied citizens
basic human rights and justice. Rather, in the United States, it is Republicans
like John McCain who keep pushing legislation such as the latest National Defense
Authorization Act, which grants the U.S. military the right to arrest American
citizens without bringing charges and imprison them indefinitely without
hearings or trials, even transferring them to prisons in foreign countries
beyond the purview of American courts and judges who are versed in the
"People like me are what stand between us and Auschwitz."—Newt Gingrich
Hitler once professed to be all that stood between Germany and disaster. But like
many American Republicans, Hitler didn't trust ordinary citizens with basic
rights and freedoms. So we need to be very wary of "protectors" whose
"protection" involves assuming more and more power, until the "supermen" start
squashing us like insects beneath their goose-stepping boot-heels.
"Nazis don't have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in
Washington. There is no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade
American Muslims had nothing to do with 9-11, so there is no reason to punish
them. The men who attacked us on 9-11 were from Saudi Arabia, not New York City.
What Gingrich proposes is like saying that no Christian from New York should be
allowed to worship in Oklahoma City, because Timothy McVeigh was a Christian
from New York. Of course that makes no sense, because all New York Christians
are not collectively guilty for the Oklahoma City bombing.
“I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we
don't encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, loyal
and faithful and all those Boy Scout words.”—Newt Gingrich
May I point out that Hitler Youth were taught to be neat, obedient, loyal and
faithful by the Nazis? Do we really want our children to be loyal, obedient
lapdogs, or do we want them to be able to think for themselves?
“We're all human and we all goof. Do things that may be wrong, but do
What Gingrich really means is that when he makes mistakes (or does illegal or immoral
things on purpose), all his sins should be instantaneously forgiven. But of
course he would never accord the same treatment to Barack Obama, or to any other
Democrat. Gingrich's hypocrisy and lack of a sense of justice is always self-evident.
Palin's Flailin' and Failin' the Grade
"Our opponent is someone who sees America as imperfect."—Sarah Palin,
[this is the same as saying we are our own worst enemy, which in the case of a
Palin-led dumb-ocracy would undoubtedly be the case]
''They're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want
to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy
changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his
classroom.''—Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's
constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice
president does, in an interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
''I think on a national level your Department of Law
there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been
charged with and automatically throw them out.''—Sarah Palin, explaining how a
nonexistent department would automatically throw out the ethics violation
charges that compelled her to resign as governor of
Alaska, during an ABC News interview, July 7, 2009
''Only dead fish go with the flow.''—Sarah Palin, quitting her job as governor, July 3, 2009
''It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod
along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the
worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out.''—Sarah Palin, quitting her job as governor, July 3, 2009
''So we discussed what was going on in Africa. And never, ever did I talk about,
Well, gee, is it a country or is it a continent, I just don't know about this
issue.''—Sarah Palin, asked about the post-election revelation
by McCain staffers that Palin thought Africa was a country, not a continent,
from a Fox
interview with Greta Van Susteren, Nov. 11, 2008
''If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of
meat?''—Sarah Palin, in Going Rogue
''They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here
in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.''—Sarah Palin, on her foreign policy insights into
Russia, which she acquired mysteriously by being able to "see" Russia, in an ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
''Our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I
am the executive of.''—Sarah Palin, on her foreign policy experience, in a CBS
interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 25, 2008
''Perhaps so.''—Sarah Palin, asked if America may need to go to war
with Russia, ABC News interview, September 11,
2008 [please note the 9-11 "synchronicity"]
''Oh, good, thank you, yes.''—Sarah Palin, after a notorious Canadian prank
caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler's "Nailin Palin,"
Nov. 1, 2008
''I didn't really had a good answer, as so often—is me.''—Sarah Palin, on writing notes on her hand during her
Tea Party convention speech
''They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope
and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.''—Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco,
Oct. 5, 2008
''I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I
have a communications degree.''—Sarah Palin, Fox News interview with Sean Hannity, Nov.
''But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies.''—Sarah Palin, on how she would handle the current
hostilities between the two Koreas, obviously not understanding which Korea we
are allied with, in a radio interview with Glenn Beck, Nov. 24,
Famous (or Infamously) Bad Predictions
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."—Popular Mechanics, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five
computers."—Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in
their home."—Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment
Corp., 1977 [DEC was one of the more successful computer companies until it
missed catching the PC wave, then decided to "improve" on the PC by creating
something software-incompatible called the Rainbow, which soon died a quick
death along with DEC's fortunes]
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."—Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be
seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no
value to us."—Western Union internal memo, 1876
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial
value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"—David Sarnoff's
associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"—H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the
way out."—Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."—Lord Kelvin, president, Royal
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."—Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high
plateau."—Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929,
shortly before the stock market crash that led to the Great Depression
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."—Charles H. Duell,
Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".—Pierre Pachet,
Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
Politics is a Foot-in-Mouth Disease
"A zebra cannot change its spots."—Al Gore
"During my service in the U.S. Congress, I took the initiative in inventing the
Internet."—Al Gore [the Internet was up and running eight years before Gore was
elected to Congress]
"Desert Storm was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression and
lawlessness."—Vice President Dan Quayle
"It isn't pollution that's harming our
environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."—Dan
"My fellow astronauts..."—Dan Quayle, speaking before the Apollo 11 astronauts
at an anniversary celebration
"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."—Dan Quayle.
"I would never approach a small-breasted woman."—President Clinton, denying
that he had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey
High as a Kite (But Not IQ-Wise)
"I now have absolute proof that smoking even one
marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an
H-bomb blast."—Ronald Reagan
"When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I
didn’t like it, and I didn’t inhale, and I never tried again."—Bill Clinton
"When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point."—Barack Obama
"Make the most of the Indian Hemp Seed and sow it everywhere."—George Washington
"Casual drug users should be taken out and shot."—Los Angeles police chief Daryl Gates, telling a senate
judiciary committee that marijuana and cocaine users should be summarily
Reporter: "Did you visit the Parthenon during your trip to Greece?"
Shaquille O'Neal: "I can't really remember the names of
the clubs that we went to."
"It was a mistake. It shows a lack of politeness to kill people when the pope
asks us not to do it."—a Guatemalan government official on the execution of
political prisoners just before the pope's visit
"The similarities between me and my father are different."—Dale Berra, Yogi Berra's son
George Bush, Poet and Ironist ... The Best of the Bushisms
George W. Bush is a master ironist and perhaps the greatest American poet of all
time, although Sarah Palin is currently giving him a run for his money. Here is
a collection of his best (er, worst) work:
We Are Our Own Worst Enemy
''Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we.
They never stop
thinking about new ways to harm our country
and our people, and neither do we.''
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5,
''Rarely is the questioned asked:
Is our children learning?''
—George W. Bush, Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
Do Tell (II)
''Then you wake up at the high school level
and find out that the illiteracy
of our children are appalling.''
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 23,
Do Tell (III)
''You teach a child to read,
and he or her
will be able to pass a literacy
—George W. Bush, Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21,
Do Tell (IV)
''Reading is the basics
for all learning.''
—George W. Bush, Reston, Va., March 28, 2000
Do Tell (V)
''As yesterday's positive report card shows,
childrens do learn
and results are measured.''
—George W. Bush, on the No Child Left Behind
Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007
''You know, one of the hardest parts of my job
connect Iraq to the war on terror.''
—George W. Bush, in an interview with CBS News'
Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
''This foreign policy stuff
is a little frustrating.''
—George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York
Daily News, April 23, 2002
We Will Not Rest Until Every Non-Fatal Shooting Becomes a Fatality!
''For every fatal shooting,
there were roughly three non-fatal shootings.
And, folks, this is unacceptable in America.
It's just unacceptable.
And we're going to do something about it.
—George W. Bush, Philadelphia, Penn., May 14,
The Height of the Bush Presidency Revealed!
''I would say the best moment of all
was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass
in my lake.''
—President George W. Bush, on his best moment in office,
May 7, 2006
Sucking the Life Out of the Suckers
''You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and those are the ones you
need to concentrate on.''
—President George W. Bush, at the 2001 Gridiron dinner
If Only You'd Told Us You Didn't Like to Think Before You Invaded Iraq!
''I'm also not very analytical.
You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking
about why I do things.''
—President George W. Bush, aboard Air Force One, June 4,
I Have A Dream (er, Brain Fart)
"Families is where our nation finds hope,
where wings take dream."
—Presidential candidate George W. Bush, LaCrosse, Wis.,
Oct. 18, 2000
More than Pigs will Fly!
"I am here to make an announcement
that this Thursday,
will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
Agreein' is Believin'
"I know what I believe.
I will continue to articulate what I believe
and what I believe—
I believe what I believe is right.''
—George W. Bush, Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
''Too many good docs are getting out of the business.
Too many OB-GYNs aren't
able to practice their love
with women all across this country.''
—President George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6,
Ours is not to Question Why ...
''I'm the commander—see, I don't need to explain—
I do not need to explain
why I say things.
That's the interesting thing about being president.''
—President George W. Bush, as quoted in Bob Woodward's
Bush at War
Unabashed that the Base are his Base
"This is an impressive crowd—
the haves and the have-mores.
Some people call you the elite.
I call you my base."
—George W. Bush, at the annual Al Smith Memorial
Foundation Dinner, Oct. 19, 2000
Warmongers of the World, Unite!
''I just want you to know that,
when we talk about war,
we're really talking
—President George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. June 18,
Here Comes Da Judge, Jury and Executioner!
''The legislature's job is to write law.
It's the executive branch's job to
—George W. Bush, explaining why the Supreme Court is no longer needed, in Austin, Texas, Nov. 22, 2000
''There's an old saying in Tennessee—
I know it's in Texas, probably in
that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you.
can't get fooled again.''
—President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
Birds of a Feather
''I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden
understanding the joy of
—President George W. Bush, at a White House menorah
lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
Everybody's Talkin' at Me, Can't Hear a Word They're Sayin' ... Only the Echoes
of My Ego
"Actually, this may sound a little West Texan to you,
but I like it when I'm talking about myself,
and when he's talking about myself,
all of us are talking about me."
—George W. Bush, interview on Hardball, MSNBC, May
But What about the 7.5 Pound Largemouth Bass You Murdered, Bushie-Boy?
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
—George W. Bush, Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
Did They, Perhaps, Overestimate Your IQ?
"They misunderestimated me."
—George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
Or Did You, Perhaps, Underestimate Your Incompetence?
''If this were a dictatorship,
it'd be a heck of a lot easier,
just so long as
I'm the dictator.''
—President-elect George W. Bush, at a photo-op with
congressional leaders during his first trip to Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.,
Dec. 19, 2000
Bush Finally Reveals what Really Lies Beneath His (er, Her) Bush
''I want you to know.
Karyn is with us.
A West Texas girl,
just like me.''
—George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., May 27,
A Word in the Bush is Worth ...
''I don't particularly like it
when people put words in my mouth,
either, by the
way, unless I say it.''
—George W. Bush, Crawford, Texas, Nov. 10,
We Can Save the World By Teaching Children and Shut-ins to Use Bad Grammar!
''People say, how can I help on this war against terror?
How can I fight evil?
You can do so by mentoring a child;
by going into a shut-in's house and say I
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19,
Bush Explains Why it was Impossible for the Federal Government to Steal Land
from Indian Tribes
''Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign.
I mean, you're a—you've been
and you're viewed as a sovereign entity.
And therefore the
relationship between the federal government and tribes
is one between sovereign
—George W. Bush, speaking at a gathering of
minority journalists, Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
Bush Explains Why He Tells the Same Lies Over and Over Again
''See, in my line of work
you got to keep repeating things over and over and
for the truth to sink in,
to kind of catapult the propaganda.''
—George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
If Only We Could Export Imbecility and Barter it for Oil
''It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil.
More and more of our
imports come from overseas.''
—George W. Bush, Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25,
''I promise you
I will listen to what has been said here,
even though I wasn't
—President George W. Bush, at the President's Economic
Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
Taking a Stand for Stupidity
''If you don't stand for anything,
you don't stand for anything!
If you don't
stand for something,
you don't stand for anything!''
—George W. Bush, Bellevue Community College, Nov. 2,
Plagiarizing Dan Quayle
I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously.
hope the ambitious realize
that they are more likely to succeed
with success as
opposed to failure.''
—George W. Bush, interview with the Associated Press,
Jan. 18, 2001
Bush Explains Why there were No Crises on his Watch
"One of the very difficult parts
of the decision I made on the financial crisis
was to use hardworking people's money
to help prevent there to be a crisis."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
Bush Blesses Our Enemies
"I'm telling you there's an enemy
that would like to attack America,
There just is.
That's the reality of the world.
And I wish him all the very best."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
Bush Hears Voices
"People say, well,
do you ever hear
any other voices
other than, like,
a few people?
Of course I do."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2008
Bush, the Economic Genius, Reveals the Secret of his Success (er, Failure)
"I've abandoned free market principles
to save the free market system."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008
Bush Admits Being an Alien Life Form, which Explains his Inability to Grasp
"You know, I'm the President during this period of time,
but I think when the history of this period is written,
people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street
took place over a decade or so,
before I arrived in President,
during I arrived in President."
—George W. Bush, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008
Bush Explains the Source of his Uncanny Wisdom
"I've been in the Bible
every day since I've been the president."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008
Duh!, Part 666
took a while to thaw,
it's going to take a while to unthaw."
—George W. Bush, on liquidity in the markets, Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008
Bush, the Inquisitor
"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions
will be caught and persecuted."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008
Bush Admits He's Flipped His Lid
"The people in Louisiana must know
that all across our country
there's a lot of prayer—
prayer for those whose lives
have been turned upside down.
And I'm one of them."
—George W. Bush, Baton Rouge, La., Sept. 3, 2008
Bush Admits He's Blind as a Bat
"First of all,
I don't see America having problems."
—George W. Bush, interview with Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics, Beijing,
China, Aug. 10, 2008
The Sheer Brilliance of Bush, Revealed by Bush
"I think it was in the Rose Garden
where I issued this brilliant statement:
If I had a magic wand—
but the president doesn't have a magic wand.
You just can't say, 'low gas.'"
—George W. Bush, Washington D.C., July 15, 2008
Out of the Mouths of Babes and Imbeciles
"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."
—George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and
French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and
grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10,
Bush Explains Why U.S. Policy Regarding Iran is Patently Unjust
"Should the Iranian regime—
do they have the sovereign right
to have civilian nuclear power?
So, like, if I were you,
that's what I'd ask me.
And the answer is, yes, they do."
—George W. Bush, talking to reporters in Washington, D.C., July 2, 2008
Bush Explains Why He Shouldn't Have Invaded Iraq
"There is some who say that perhaps freedom is not
Maybe it's only Western people that can self-govern.
Maybe it's only, you know, white-guy Methodists
who are capable of self-government.
I reject that notion."
—George W. Bush, London, June 16, 2008
"Let's make sure that there is certainty
during uncertain times in our economy."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008
"And so the fact that they purchased the machine
meant somebody had to make the machine.
And when somebody makes a machine,
it means there's jobs at the machine-making place."
—George W. Bush, Mesa, Arizona, May 27, 2008
Bush Makes His First-Ever Accurate Prediction
"I'll be long gone
before some smart person
ever figures out
what happened inside this Oval Office."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
Bush Explains Why U.S. Foreign Policy Sucks
"How can you possibly have an international agreement
unless countries like China and India
are not full participants?"
—George W. Bush, Camp David, April 19, 2008
Bush Massacres Afghanis and the English Language, in One Fell Swoop
"Afghanistan is the most daring and ambition
in the history of NATO."
—George W. Bush, Bucharest, Romania, April 2, 2008
Bush Explains Why His Vacillations Were Perfectly Reasonable
"Let me start off by saying that in 2000 I said,
'Vote for me. I'm an agent of change.'
In 2004, I said, 'I'm not interested in change—
I want to continue as president.'
Every candidate has got to say 'change.'
That's what the American people expect."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 5, 2008
Bush Praises Our Self-Destructive Tendencies
"And so, General, I want to thank you for your service.
And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat
out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq."
—George W. Bush, to Army Gen. Ray Odierno, Washington, D.C., March 3, 2008
Bush Waxes Eloquent on Morality
"I'm oftentimes asked,
What difference does it make to America
if people are dying of malaria in a place like Ghana?
It means a lot.
It means a lot morally,
it means a lot from a—
it's in our national interest."
—George W. Bush, Accra, Ghana, Feb. 20, 2008
Bush, the Unprofitable Prophet
"There is no doubt in my mind when history was written,
the final page will say:
Victory was achieved by the United States of America
for the good of the world."
—George W. Bush, addressing U.S. troops at Camp Arifjan in Kuwait, Jan. 12,
"I can press when there needs to be pressed;
I can hold hands when there needs to be—hold hands."
—George W. Bush, on how he can contribute to the Middle East peace process,
Washington, D.C., Jan. 4, 2008
I have written a book. This will come as quite a shock to some. They didn't think I could read, much less write.―George W. Bush [true, but
we're convinced you had lots of help]
I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.―George W. Bush [yes, we do understand that you
are a master of doublespeak]
I think you can judge from somebody's actions a kind of a stability and sense of purpose perhaps created by strong religious roots. I
mean, there's a certain patience, a certain discipline, I think, that religion helps you achieve.―George W. Bush [this from
the most impatient, undisciplined, reckless president in the history of the United States]
When you turn your heart and your life over to Christ, when you accept Christ as the savior, it changes your heart.―George W. Bush [if
only it helped change your brain too!]
Saddam Hussein is a homicidal dictator who is addicted to weapons of mass destruction.―George W. Bush [is the kettle calling the teapot
I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to
come and witness my hanging.―George W. Bush
[may your words yet prove prophetic!]
We can't allow the world's worst leaders to blackmail,
threaten, hold freedom-loving nations hostage with the world's worst weapons.―George W. Bush [then why did you do
Donald Rumsfeld Explains the Profound Depths of His Ignorance
"There are known knowns.
There are things we know that we know.
There are known
That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know.
are also unknown unknowns.
There are things we don't know we don't know."
—Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense
Secretary Powell and I agree on every single issue that
has ever been before this administration except for those instances where
Colin's still learning.―Donald Rumsfeld
Michele Bachmann: Ooops! (Yet another "blonde moment" by the latest
warmongering moron to run for President)
Michele Bachmann promised to close the American embassy in Iran if she gets
elected president. That would be a neat trick, since the embassy has been closed
for decades. U.S. diplomatic relations with Iran were formally severed in April
1980, due to the Iranian hostage crisis, and have never been restored.
Bachmann’s staff later claimed she was “speaking in the hypothetical” when she
said she would close the nonexistent U.S. embassy in Iran. But of course
Bachmann has made many similar errors, such as saying the American founding
fathers ended slavery, when George Washington and Thomas Jefferson owned slaves
all their lives, even when they served as president. When that huge error was
pointed out, rather than admitting that she is clueless about basic American
history, Bachmann insisted that she had meant John Quincy Adams, who neither
ended slavery nor was one of the founding fathers.
Bachmann has further rewritten U.S. history by placing the Revolutionary War
battlefields of Lexington and Concord in New Hampshire, and she has opined
publicly that earthquakes are God's way of getting the attention of American
politicians, that wives should be submissive to their husbands, and that
Democratic presidents are somehow linked to breakouts of swine flu (presumably
God kills American children if their parents vote for Democrats). Unfortunately
for Bachmann, the swine flu epidemic of 1976 was during the presidency of Gerald
Ford, not Jimmy Carter.
Bachmann’s "Iranian crisis" began during a speech in Waverly, Iowa, in which she
applauded the British for pulling their staff out of the British embassy in
Iran. Her exact words were: “That’s exactly what I would do. We wouldn’t have an
embassy in Iran. I wouldn’t allow that to be there.” So it seems obvious that
she thought there was an American embassy in Tehran. Otherwise, she would have
said "If we had an embassy in Tehran, I would close it."
As reported by Huffington Post, Bachmann has urged the Pentagon to
"prepare a war plan" in case Iran acquires a nuclear weapon, alleging that Iran
has threatened to launch nuclear warheads at the U.S. and Israel. (PolitiFact
deemed that claim "False" and if it was true, it would have been in the
headlines of every major newspaper.) In other words, Bachmann has a history of
making up crazy "facts" and now even using them to justify war.
Bachmann also told Glenn Beck that the U.S. is facing a "new axis of evil"
composed of Iran, Syria, North Korea, China and Russia. She sounds disturbingly
like two other warmongering morons: George W. Bush and Sarah Palin. Bachmann
likes to call herself an expert on national security, but being an expert
requires the ability to distinguish facts from fiction. What Bachmann also
probably doesn't know is that the main reason Iranians became so angry with the
United States in the first place is that under the direction of Kermit Roosevelt
in 1951 the CIA engineered a coup of the democratically-elected government of
Iran, primarily to protect the "interests" of British and American oil
companies. Never mind that we don’t allow foreign countries' "interests" to
dictate what we do with our natural resources ... it is self-evident to
Americans (but not the rest of the world) that Americans always have the right
to tell other people how to live (and all-too-often, how to die). Once the U.S.
government had helped overthrow the first democratically-elected government in
the Muslim world, it installed the Shah of Iran, who proceeded to establish a
reign of terror over Iranians. This in turn led to the rise to power of the
Ayatollah Khomeini, who quite understandably loathed and hated the U.S.
government. So the U.S. government started supplying Saddam Hussein with weapons
during hostilities that led to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iranians.
We all know what a wonderful ally Saddam was, so there should be no surprise,
really, that there are no real diplomatic relationships between Iran and the
According to morons (er, presidential candidates) like Michele Bachmann and
arrogant idiots (er, presidents) like George W. Bush, Iran is part of the "axis
of evil." But to anyone who knows the basic history of the region, it's very
hard to tell the "good guys" from the "bad guys." I tend to agree with Ron Paul
that the United States could save lives and trillions of dollars by ending its
military adventures in the Middle East and no longer trying to be the world's
policeman. This does not require "isolationism." We can still have trade and
diplomatic relationships with all the countries of the world receptive to such
relationships. But all too often our government has been the enemy of the
American people, by doing things we would never accept other nations doing to
us. For instance, who are Americans to tell
Palestinians that they are "not really a people" and that their women and
children must live bereft of human rights and dignity, because Moses claimed
that God "gave" the Promised Land to the ancient Hebrew tribes? If God
"gave" the land to the ancient Hebrews, why did they resort to ethnic cleansing
and genocide, slaughtering women and children, as the Bible clearly describes in
multiple passages (for instance, Numbers 31, in which Moses told his warriors to
kill all the defenseless women and male babies, keeping only the virgin girls
alive, obviously as sex slaves). According to the Bible, Moses also told Hebrew
fathers that they could sell their own daughters as sex slaves, with the option
to buy them back if they didn't "please" their new masters (Exodus 21), and that
girls who had been raped should be either stoned to death or sold to their
rapists (Deuteronomy 22). If this is the word of God, he sounds like the Devil.
If human beings doctored their religious texts to give themselves the "right" to
murder or enslave women and children, surely it's past time for modern human
beings to stop believing everything they read.
Sarah Palin, Poet!
''Left Unalakleet warmth
for rain in Juneau tonite.
No drought threat down here,
ever but consistent rain reminds us:
—one of Sarah Palin's Tweets recited by William Shatner as poetry on The
Famous Last Words,