Sarah Palin Brawl: WasilMania I aka the "Thrilla in Wasilla"
The famous (or infamous) Palin Clan recently engaged in a half-Baked Alaskan
20-person Battle Royale, with former Alaska governor and American vice
presidential candidate Sarah Palin allegedly piling on, spitting and clawing,
while "shrieking incoherently" about her "importance" and
screaming "Don't you know who I am?"
Frankly, no one in his/her right mind gives a damn about losing
vice-presidential candidates, except when they blow gaskets in public.
Details remain sketchy, in more ways than one, but here's what allegedly
Sarah and Todd Palin were invited to an Anchorage party; they showed up in a
stretch Hummer limo with the younger Palins in tow, plus an entourage of friends.
Bristol and Willow Palin were wearing sunglasses despite the late hour. According to
an Anchorage police department report, Palins were indeed present and drinking was involved,
although no charges were filed. Considering what
transpired that evening, the Palins may have been swilling some especially potent
moonshine. Or perhaps they just can't hold a watered-down lite beer or three.
An eyewitness, Eric Thompson, later said: "It was a really nice, mellow party" that
unfortunately "turned into the Jerry Springer show." Another partygoer allegedly exclaimed, "This isnít some damned Hillbilly reality
show!" in response to Sarah Palin's exortations. He may, however,
have been unrealistically optimistic, considering the cast.
Cast of Wasilla-Mania
Sarah Palin, Matriarch, Mama Grizzly and exponent of Going Rogue,
shooting wolves from helicopters, etc.
Todd Palin, Patriarch and Alaska's former "First Dude," age 50
Bristol Palin, Abstinence Superstar and/or Americaís best-known unwed teen
mother, now age 23
Willow Palin, would-be diva, age 20
Tripp Palin, Bristol Palin's son, age 5
Bristol Palin first came to international attention during the 2008 presidential
election, when it turned out that she was pregnant
at age 17 despite her mother's advocacy of celibacy as a cure for unwanted
pregnancies. Bristol was twice engaged to the baby's father, Levi Johnston, but
they never married. He later wrote a book titled
Deer in Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs.
According blogger Jeanne Devon, Track Palin and a friend began romantically
wooing female guests, expressing the desire to "bend" them "over the lawn." This
did not sit well with the husband of one of the women, who granted Track his
heart-felt desire ... by laying him out on the lawn with a haymaker. At this
point, a melee ensued, with Trackís friends joining the fight and his sister
Bristol repeatedly punching the party's host, Korey Klingenmeyer, in the face. Todd Palin piled on
the scrum, and ended up with a bloody nose on his 50th birthday. Sarah Palin
shrieked, "Donít you know who I am?" and tried to claw her way into the fray
like the Mama Grizzly she proudly claims to be.
After growing weary of being punched in the face by Bristol, the host informed
the Palins that it was time for them to go home. "I was thoroughly amazed at the
restraint Korey showed. Heís a total gentlemen," Eric Thompson said. There are
reports that Thompson was fired for speaking publicly about the Palins'
The only Palin not involved in
the fracas seems to have been Bristolís young son Tripp, who was apparently
sleeping in the back of the limo.
Track ripped his shirt off and stood in the road semi-nude, flipping
a one-finger salute at
departing party-goers. There are reports that he lost a tooth and had four
The host was reported to have remarked that "Next year, weíre just going to
keep it family."
Amen, brother! The Palins can have that sort of sobering effect on people who
prefer dignity to chaos, pathos and bathos.
Anchorage Police Department's communications director Jennifer Castro confirmed
that a fight took place over the weekend, and that Palins were in attendance,
but she did not say if any Palins were involved in the alleged altercation. "On
Saturday, Sept. 6, 2014, just before midnight, Anchorage police responded to a
report of a verbal and physical altercation taking place between multiple
subjects outside of a residence located on the 900 block of Harbor Circle. A
preliminary investigation by police revealed that a party had been taking place
at a nearby residence and a fight had broken out between multiple subjects
outside of the residence," Castro told E! News on Friday. "At the time of the
incident, none of the involved parties wanted to press charges and no arrests
were made. However, the case is still an active investigation and is being
reviewed by APD and the Municipal Prosecutors Office. Alcohol was believed to
have been a factor in the incident. Some of the Palin family members were in
attendance at the party." Castro added, "We are unable to release any police
reports or further information at this time."