The HyperTexts
jesus hates me, this i know
by Michael R. Burch
jesus hates me, this I know,
for Church libel tells me so:
"little ones to him belong"
but if they use their dongs, so long!
yes, jesus hates me!
yes, jesus baits me!
yes, he berates me!
Church libel tells me so!
jesus fleeces us, i know,
for Religion scams us so:
little ones are brainwashed to
believe god saves the Chosen Few!
yes, jesus fleeces!
yes, he deceases
the bunny and the rhesus
because he's mad at you!
jesus hates me—christ who died
so i might be crucified:
'cause if i use my cock or brain,
that will drive the "LORD" insane!
yes, jesus hates me!
yes, jesus baits me!
yes, he berates me!
Church libel tells me so!
jesus hates me, this I know,
for Church libel tells me so:
pastors tell me "look above,"
that christ's the lamb and god's the dove,
but then They sentence me to Hell
for using my big brain too well
and understanding half the Bible
(if god is love) is clearly libel.
yes, jesus hates me!
yes, jesus baits me!
yes, he berates me!
Church libel tells me so!
Notes:
"if they use their dongs, so long"—According to orthodox Christian theology,
unrepentant sinners go to hell. This is why many Christians say that homosexuals
can't be saved, even if they believe in Jesus. But according to the Bible, Jesus
said that thinking about having sex ("lust") is the same as committing adultery,
and of course heterosexual Christians think and dream about sex like everyone
else. So if homosexuals go to hell for having sex, it would seem only logical
that heterosexuals would go to hell for thinking about sex, if the Bible is
"infallible" (which of course it isn't).
"yes he deceases / the bunny and the rhesus"—According to the New Testament,
Jesus is the Living Word of God, and all things were created through him. Genesis
teaches that the earth was perfect when it was created, and that suffering and
death entered the world through the disobedience of Adam and Eve. Of course this
fairytale has been completely debunked by modern science, because we now know
that trillions of animals lived, suffered and died long before man ever walked
the planet. And of course the plight of animals cannot be explained by the
"disobedience" of man. If suffering and death are the punishments of God for man
disobediently gaining the knowledge of good and evil, then animals should clearly be immortal,
since they have no knowledge of good and evil (and no ability to believe in
Jesus and be forgiven). Why would Jesus sentence innocent baby bunny rabbits to
suffer and die, if he was angry with Adam and Eve? But of course there never was
a perfect garden of Eden, so Paul's elaborate "plan of salvation" makes
absolutely no sense. If anyone needs to be forgiven and redeemed, it's the
Creator, not man, who is merely a late-arriving victim of the general horror of
life on a planet where nature is "red in tooth and claw."
"if I use my cock or brain"—There are two things that scare the hell (pun
intended) out of the witchdoctors of orthodox Christianity: sexual freedom and
freethinking. Christian churches gain temporal power and money by condemning
people to "hell" then pretending to "save" them. In order to continue this con
game, they need converts who refuse to think for themselves. They also need to
convince these converts to marry, have children and bring them up according to
the dictates of the church. If Christians got wise, decided to think for
themselves and have more sex but fewer children, many churches would
wither at the root. (And of course the world would soon be a better, safer place
to live, without all the religion-inspired bigotry, intolerance and holy wars.)
Readers, please keep in mind that I am not damning Jesus, only orthodox
Christian dogma and the holy rollers who brainwash young, highly impressionable
children into believing the "infallible" Bible's many satanic verses. Yes, there
are some nice verses too, but most Christians ignore the best ones, which
clearly say that everyone will be saved in the end. The Hebrew prophets insisted
that all Israel would be saved—as did Saint Paul—and that even Sodom would be
restored. In his famous "Valley of the Dry Bones" vision, Ezekiel said that he
saw all Israel resurrected and saved [made whole] and that the resurrected
Israelites believed in God after the miracle, not before. But according to
orthodox Christian theology, everyone who doesn't "believe" in a monstrous God
who is able to save everyone but will nonetheless damn billions of human souls to an eternal
hell, will be condemned to hell themselves. Talk about a Catch-22
situation: in order to escape hell, must one believe in and worship the Devil?
So much for the "good news" if this is true, but of course there's no reason to
believe such evil nonsense. If people want to believe the Bible, why not
believe the best verses rather than the worst ones?
According to orthodox Christianity, God created curious beings (us) then
damned them to suffer and die because they wanted to learn. He created human
beings with intense sexual desires which caused them to be attracted to all
sorts of potential mates, then condemned them for not being chaste or
monogamous. But of course there is nothing loving, just, compassionate or wise
about a God who damns creatures for being the way he made them.
According to the Bible, God preached many pretty sermons about the need for
compassion and justice without ever following his own advice for more than
a verse or two. Jesus reserved most of his criticism for hypocrites. If Jesus
was God, or the son of God, or a man capable of speaking for God, how can God be
a hypocrite? If God cherishes love, compassion and forgiveness, and is capable
of love, compassion and forgiveness, how can he periodically turn into a
bloodthirsty Brute who commands slavery, matricide, infanticide, ethnic
cleansing and genocide? What would we say about Gandhi and Dr Martin Luther King
Jr. if they spoke of the need for nonviolence one minute, then went around
torturing and murdering people right and left? Of course we would call them hypocrites. If all the Bible
is "true" then God is either hypocritical or schizophrenic, because in one
passage he talks about the need for compassion for widows and orphans, but in
another passage he commands the murder of women and children. According to the
Bible, "men of God" like Moses, Joshua and King David wantonly killed innocent
women and children. That David was "the man after God's own heart" is pure
fantasy, if God is good, because David killed every woman when he "smote the
land" and he ordered the slaughter of the lame and blind when Jerusalem was
taken from the Jebusites. Jesus never hurt a flea, as far as we know, and he had
compassion for the lame and blind. If Jesus was a man after God's own heart,
then David obviously wasn't, unless God is a schizophrenic.
Furthermore, after completely forgetting to ever mention a place of suffering
after death in Biblical chronologies covering thousands of years — and still
never having announced the creation or purpose of "hell," according to the Bible
— God, according to orthodox Christianity, suddenly started sending people to
hell for not believing in his person, when he had chosen to remain hidden. If
God is unwilling to communicate with human beings, what right does he have to
demand that they "believe" in his person? If he wants to communicate with them
but is unable to do so, how can he call himself God?
It seems obvious to me that early Christian theologists took a compassionate
man, Jesus, and in the process of elevating him to the position of an
all-powerful God who only saves the Chosen Few (i.e., themselves), they turned him
into an unjust, inhuman Monster. When I was a boy, I prayed to Jesus, but he
never spoke to me. If he was unable to speak to me, how can he be God? If he was
unwilling to speak to me, how can he demand my belief in his person? If he would
send me to hell for not believing in him, when he was either unable or unwilling
to speak to me, how can he be good?
Does Jesus continue to exist in some other dimension? I have no way of
knowing. Since I have no way of knowing, it would be terribly unjust for him or
anyone else to condemn me to hell for using my powers of reason to conclude
that the "believe in Jesus" thing is a human-invented scam. In my opinion orthodox Christianity is a noxious crock of shit. No one
should teach innocent children that they and other people are in danger of an
"eternal hell" if they choose to think for themselves. I hate every fucking
Christian pastor who ever opened his fucking blasphemous mouth and told me that
if I didn't "believe" in Jesus, God would send me to hell. If God is good, they
are fucking blasphemous liars, because no loving, wise, just, compassionate God
could be so unloving, unwise, unjust and lacking in compassion.
If life continues after death and if there is a hell, perhaps it's reserved for the "Chosen Few" who claim
they'll be "saved by grace" while much kinder, more thoughtful people like
Gandhi and Einstein are denied both grace and rewards for their outstanding
achievements. If there is such a hell—I don't pretend to know—hopefully it's not
eternal and once the "Chosen Few" have suffered the tortures they invented for
other people, they will be able to learn compassion and a sense of justice, and
rejoin people with functional hearts and brains in a better place. And of course
there is a Bible verse that says "the first will be last, and the last first"
...
Other heretical poems by Michael R. Burch ...
Untitled ur poems
since GOD created u so gullible
how did u conclude HE’s so lovable?
—Michael R. Burch
limping to the grave under the sentence of death,
should i praise ur LORD? think i’ll save my breath!
—Michael R. Burch
The HyperTexts