The HyperTexts
Heresy Hearsay: Poems Heretical, Blasphemous and Vulgar
Which poets were the greatest heretics?
Which poets wrote the best heretical poems?
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive the great big one on me.
—Robert Frost
He that hath a Gospel
To loose upon Mankind,
Though he serve it utterly—
Body, soul and mind—
Though he go to Calvary
Daily for its gain—
It is his Disciple
Shall make his labour vain.
—Rudyard Kipling, "The Disciple"
& GAUD said, “Let there be LIGHT VERSE
to illuminate the ‘nature’ of my Curse!”
—michael r. burch
reverse the Curse
with LIGHT VERSE!
recant the cant
with an illuminating chant,
etc.
—michael r. burch
Can the darkness of Christianity with its “eternal hell” be repealed via humor?
It’s time to recant the cant, pardon the puns.
Candidates for the greatest heretical poet include Al-Ma'arri (an antinatalist Arab poet who rejected Islam and all other religions), the Archpoet (a medieval Latin poet who may have been
the first "rogue scholar"), William Blake (an English mystic who had visions of angels and saints, but called the biblical god "Nobodaddy"),
and King Solomon (a hedonist, fatalist, antinatalist and nonbeliever according
to the Bible).
The Bible's wisest man, King Solomon, denied there was anything to look forward to after death:
"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do,
do it with all thy
might;
for there is no work, nor device,
nor knowledge, nor wisdom,
in the grave, whither thou goest."
Other heretical poets include Robert Burns, Lord Byron, e. e. cummings,
Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Hafiz, A. E. Housman, John Keats, Philip Larkin, Tom Merrill, Rumi, Sappho, William Shakespeare, Percy Bysshe Shelley, Wallace Stevens, Alfred Tennyson, Walt Whitman, William Wordsworth and William Butler Yeats.
God is love, the parson whined.
Yes, and is he also blind?
—T. H. White
If you quail to hear God's name used in vain, best not enter, for "here there be Dragons."
O fools, awake! The rites ye sacred hold
Are but a cheat contrived by men of old
Who lusted after wealth and gained their lust
And died in baseness—and their law is dust.
—Al-Ma'arri
On the other hand, please don't be too quick to draw
the "obvious" conclusions. Some of the poets published here have also written devotional poetry.
But I doubt any of them would torture an individual for a second, much less
billions of souls for all eternity.
If one screams below,
what the hell is "Above"?
—Michael R. Burch
How can anyone be happy in heaven if there is a hell? All the good mothers would
leave to be with their children. Furthermore, I submit that any heresy uttered here pales in comparison to what most Christians
believe and say about their God. Who are the real blasphemers — poets who satirize the ludicrous images of God perpetrated on the world by larcenous religions, or "Christian" priests and
pastors who say Einstein, Gandhi, LGBTs, billions of Hindus and Muslims, and untold multitudes of other souls will all go to an "eternal hell" for guessing wrong about which religion to
believe, when a close examination of the Bible proves hell to be an ancient fraud? I can offer overwhelming evidence that the Bible does not teach the dogma of an eternal hell,
which was never mentioned by the biblical God or any of the Hebrew prophets. You can read my logical proof that there is no hell, according to the Bible itself, by clicking
here: There is no "hell" in the Bible. — Michael R. Burch, editor, The HyperTexts
Is there any reward?
by Hillaire Belloc
Is there any reward?
I'm beginning to doubt it.
I am broken and bored,
Is there any reward
Reassure me, Good Lord,
And inform me about it.
Is there any reward?
I'm beginning to doubt it.
If there is a heaven and a way to get there, why didn't Jehovah mention it to
Adam and Eve? If there is a "hell" why did Jehovah warn Adam and Eve about the
earthly punishments for sins, but completely forget to mention the far more
important eternal consequences? Or should I say con-sequences? And why do the
Bible and Christian theology make God seem infinitely worse than the Devil?
Bible Libel
by Michael R. Burch
If God
is good,
half the Bible
is libel.
John Keats subscribed to the King Solomon school of "eat, drink and make merry,
for tomorrow we die."
Women, Wine and Snuff
by John Keats
GIVE me women, wine, and snuff
Until I cry out "hold, enough!"
You may do so sans objection
Till the day of resurrection:
For, bless my beard, they aye shall be
My beloved Trinity.
Tom Merrill pulls no punches in describing the real "nature of nature" and the
utter futility of "trusting in God."
In God We Trust
by Tom Merrill
Absolve yourselves, believe them saved,
Whom hungrily you brought to fare
As chance decrees, and leave to them
The fortune to which you rose heir.
Now theirs shall be the kingdom too,
This one and that, and all they hold,
All marvels present, and as well
Fresh wonders when the flesh turns cold.
All you who by blind pulse renew
The primal blessing cast in heat,
And to a season's course entrust
Frail issue weather can defeat,
Who from flung seed grew anxious too—
Deny earth feeds on them and you.
My main objection to orthodox Christianity is its willingness to write of untold
multitudes of "lost souls" in order to unjustly save the self-elected "Chosen
Few" ...
gimME that ol’ time religion!
by michael r. burch
fiddle-dee-dum, fiddle-dee-dee,
jesus loves and understands ME!
safe in his grace, I’LL damn them to hell—
the strumpet, the
harlot, the wild
jezebel,
the alky, the
druggie, all
queers short and tall!
let them drink ashes and wormwood and gall,
’cause fiddle-dee-DUMB, fiddle-dee-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee . . .
jesus loves and understands
ME!
Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.
—King Solomon
According to the Bible and Christian theology, King Solomon was the wisest human
being who ever lived. In the book of Ecclesiastes, the wisest of men said: "A
man hath no preeminence above a beast, for all is vanity." The NIV translates
"Vanity, vanity, all is vanity!" as "Utterly meaningless! Everything is
meaningless!" Thus the wisest of men did not agree with your local priests
and pastors. One side or the other may be correct, but they can't both be
correct. And thus the Bible cannot be the "inerrant" word of an all-wise God,
because the real God would have known the real score and man's ultimate end,
from the beginning. He wouldn't flip-flop from never mentioning an afterlife in
the books of Moses, to explicitly denying the existence of an afterlife in the
books allegedly penned by Solomon, to suddenly claiming there was a heaven and a
hell in the "big fish" stories of the New Testament.
Willy Nilly
by Michael R. Burch
for the Demiurge, aka Yahweh/Jehovah
Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly?
You made the stallion,
you made the filly,
and now they sleep
in the dark earth, stilly.
Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly?
Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly?
You forced them to run
all their days uphilly.
They ran till they dropped—
life’s a pickle, dilly.
Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly?
Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly?
They say I should worship you!
Oh, really!
They say I should pray
so you’ll not act illy.
Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly?
King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived according to the Bible, was an
antinatalist who said it is better for human beings not to be born: "So I returned, and
considered all the oppressions that are done under the sun: and behold the tears
of such as were oppressed, and they had no comforter; and on the side of their
oppressors there was power; but they had no comforter. Wherefore I praised the
dead which are already dead more than the living which are yet alive. Yea,
better is he than both they, which hath not yet been, who hath not seen the evil
work that is done under the sun."
This Be The Verse
by Philip Larkin
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Another poet who pulled no punches was a blind seer who saw more than nearly
everyone ...
Carouse, ye sovereign lords! The wheel will roll
Forever to confound and to console:
Who sips to-day the golden cup will drink
Mayhap to-morrow in a wooden bowl —
And silent drink. The tumult of our mirth
Is worse than our mad welcoming of birth: —
The thunder hath a grandeur, but the rains,
Without the thunder, quench the thirst of Earth.
—Al-Ma'arri
Tom Merrill goes beyond nearly everyone by stating flatly that it's time for
human beings to stop procreating.
A Brief Alarm
by Tom Merrill
Like everything, this too will soon be lost,
Forever out of sight and out of mind,
A brief alarm resorbed into the sum
Of passing things that leave no trace behind.
For its duration, it would summon all
To a restraint heroic—to be brave
Beyond all generations gone before,
And make a sacrifice more sure to save:
To starve the ground, and lay no further feast
For bloated Earth's unflagging appetite,
But be content to plow redemptively
A barren field in which no seed seeks light
And make your plots the last wherein to toss
A harvest raised for neverending loss.
Of making many books [such as the Bible] there is no end; and much study is a
weariness of the flesh.
—King Solomon
What Would Santa Claus Say
by Michael R. Burch
What would Santa Claus say,
I wonder,
about Jesus returning
to Kill and Plunder?
For he’ll likely return
on Christmas Day
to blow the bad
little boys away!
When He flashes like lightning
across the skies
and many a homosexual
dies,
when the harlots and heretics
are ripped asunder,
what will the Easter Bunny think,
I wonder?
There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance
of things that are to come with those that shall come after.
—King Solomon
A Child’s Christmas Prayer of Despair for a Hindu Saint
by Michael R. Burch
Santa Claus,
for Christmas, please,
don’t bring me toys, or games, or candy . . .
just . . . Santa, please . . .
I’m on my knees! . . .
please
don’t let Jesus torture Gandhi!
I - Easter Hymn
by A. E. Housman
If in that Syrian garden, ages slain,
You sleep, and know not you are dead in vain,
Nor even in dreams behold how dark and bright
Ascends in smoke and fire by day and night
The hate you died to quench and could but fan,
Sleep well and see no morning, son of man.
But if, the grave rent and the stone rolled by,
At the right hand of majesty on high
You sit, and sitting so remember yet
Your tears, your agony and bloody sweat,
Your cross and passion and the life you gave,
Bow hither out of heaven and see and save.
The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled
with hearing.
—King Solomon
pretty pickle
by Michael R. Burch
u’d blaspheme if u could
because ur Gaud’s no good,
but of course u cant:
ur a lowly ant
(or so u were told by a Hierophant).
Wisdom excelleth folly, as far as light excelleth darkness.
—King Solomon
The Worms' Contempt
by W. H. Davies
What do we earn for all our gentle grace?
A body stiff and cold from foot to face.
If you have beauty, what is beauty worth?
A mask to hide it, made of common earth.
What do we get for all our song and prattle?
A gasp for longer breath, and then a rattle.
What do we earn for dreams, and our high teaching?
The worms' contempt, that have no time for preaching.
All the labor of Man is for his mouth, and yet his appetite is not filled.
—King Solomon
Why do faith, hope and love
always end up PUSH and SHOVE?
—Michael R. Burch, lines from "Christ, Jesus!"
the Cambridge ladies who live in furnished souls
by e. e. cummings
the Cambridge ladies who live in furnished souls
are unbeautiful and have comfortable minds
(also, with the church's protestant blessings
daughters, unscented shapeless spirited)
they believe in Christ and Longfellow, both dead,
are invariably interested in so many things—
at the present writing one still finds
delighted fingers knitting for the is it Poles?
perhaps. While permanent faces coyly bandy
scandal of Mrs. N and Professor D
.... the Cambridge ladies do not care, above
Cambridge if sometimes in its box of
sky lavender and cornerless, the
moon rattles like a fragment of angry candy
The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to
the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill;
but time and chance happeneth to them all.
—King Solomon
A Supermarket in California
by Allen Ginsberg
What thoughts I have of you tonight, Walt Whitman,
for I walked down the
streets under the trees with a headache self-conscious
looking at the full moon.
In my hungry fatigue, and shopping for images, I
went into the neon fruit supermarket, dreaming of your enumerations!
What peaches and what penumbras! Whole families
shopping at night! Aisles
full of husbands! Wives in the avocados, babies in the
tomatoes! — and you,
Garcia Lorca, what were you doing down by the
watermelons?
I saw you, Walt Whitman, childless, lonely old
grubber, poking among the
meats in the refrigerator and eyeing the grocery boys.
I heard you asking questions of each: Who killed the
pork chops? What price
bananas? Are you my Angel?
I wandered in and out of the brilliant stacks of
cans following you, and
followed in my imagination by the store detective.
We strode down the open corridors together in our
solitary fancy tasting
artichokes, possessing every frozen delicacy, and never
passing the cashier.
Where are we going, Walt Whitman? The doors close in
an hour. Which way does
your beard point tonight?
(I touch your book and dream of our odyssey in the
supermarket and feel
absurd.)
Will we walk all night through solitary streets? The
trees add shade to
shade, lights out in the houses, we'll both be lonely.
Will we stroll dreaming of the lost America of love
past blue automobiles in
driveways, home to our silent cottage?
Ah, dear father, graybeard, lonely old
courage-teacher, what America did you
have when Charon quit poling his ferry and you got out
on a smoking bank and
stood watching the boat disappear on the black waters of
Lethe?
There is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that
which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise
man? As the fool.
—King Solomon
The Missionary's Position
by Joseph S. Salemi
I maintain it all was for the best―
We hacked our way through jungle and sought out
These savage children, painted and half-dressed,
To set their minds at ease, and dispel doubt.
Concerning what? Why, God's immense design,
And how it governs all we do and see.
Before, they had no sense of the divine
Beyond the sticks and bones of sorcery.
Granted, they are more somber and subdued,
Knowing that lives are watched, and judged, and weighed.
Subject to fits of melancholy mood,
They look upon the cross, and are afraid.
What would you have me say? We preached the Word
Better endured in grief than left unheard.
Alien
by Michael R. Burch
for J. S. S., a "Christian" poet who believes in "hell"
On a lonely outpost on Mars
the astronaut practices “speech”
as alien to primates below
as mute stars winking high, out of reach.
And his words fall as bright and as chill
as ice crystals on Kilimanjaro —
far colder than Jesus’s words
over the “fortunate” sparrow.
And I understand how gentle Emily
felt, when all comfort had flown,
gazing into those inhuman eyes,
feeling zero at the bone.
Oh, how can I grok his arctic thought?
For if he is human, I am not.
That which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth
them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so
that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.
—King Solomon
If God
is good,
half the Bible
is libel.
—Michael R. Burch
Challenge
by Janet Kenny
Come out you psychopathic creep,
you heartless mystery who needs
to frighten children out of sleep,
whose monstrous ego daily feeds
on supplications from the sick
and promises from desperate souls.
Come out and show yourself, you prick
whose victims writhe on burning coals.
Come out, pontificating ghoul
who fattens on the rising praise
of flatterers, whose pious schools
inculcate lies, whose dogmas craze
the simple. Come, expose your face,
that vile reflection of our fear.
Know now, there is no hiding place,
mass murderer, no welcome here.
What have you done with it, you thing,
that spirit whom you overpowered?
The one who made the birds that sing?
The one for whom the fruit trees flowered?
The smell of burning flesh exudes
from all your deeds. Your cloven feet
scorch divots as your will intrudes
and mothers cry for milk and meat.
We stir beneath your brutal weight
and creep like prisoners to the light
to stretch our limbs and celebrate
our liberation from the night.
Who dares to name the nameless? Who
lays claim to know the name of You?
Your armies vie to shout your name,
replete with certainty and bile.
The women hide their heads in shame.
It’s you I blame. Your work is vile.
Whatever caused young love to glow,
and buttercups in dewy grass,
and trees to rustle, streams to flow,
it wasn’t you, you horse’s arse.
You are the baby in the lab
with test tubes strewn across the floor.
With random goofiness, you grab
the nearest toy and roar for more.
Larger forces have no time
to notice our catastrophe.
The mathematics is sublime.
We are your past apostasy.
The broken eggs you cracked and used
to make an omelette, and we grow
with you, ambitious and confused,
performers in your cooking show.
Yet every morning hearts expand,
though heads can never understand.
Originally Published in The Flea
All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
—King Solomon
In His Kingdom of Corpses
by Michael R. Burch
In His kingdom of corpses,
God has been heard to speak
in many enraged discourses,
high, high from some mountain peak
where He’s lectured man on compassion
while the sparrows around Him fell,
and babes, for His meager ration
of rain, died and went to hell,
unbaptized, for that’s His fashion.
In His kingdom of corpses,
God has been heard to vent
in many obscure discourses
on the need for man to repent,
to admit that he’s a sinner;
give up sex, and riches, and fame;
be disciplined at his dinner
though always he dies the same,
whether fatter or thinner.
In his kingdom of corpses,
God has been heard to speak
in many absurd discourses
of man’s Ego, precipitous Peak!,
while demanding praise and worship,
and the bending of every knee.
And though He sounds like the Devil,
all religious men now agree
He loves them indubitably.
Originally published by The Chimaera and Lucid Rhythms
Man must return to his "long home" (the earth, when he lies in the grave) ...
In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and
the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are
few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened. And the doors shall be
shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up
at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of music shall be brought low;
Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the
way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden,
and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go
about the streets: Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be
broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the
cistern. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall
return unto God who gave it. Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is
vanity.
—King Solomon
Deaths and losses are "the calamities by which Providence gradually disengages
us from the love of life."
—Dr. Samuel Johnson
The Grump's Apology
by Richard Moore
My tongue is rough, you find.
My tongue replies:
The truth is, though unkind,
kinder than lies.
In much wisdom there is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth
sorrow.
—King Solomon
I’ve got Jesus’s face on a wallet insert
by Michael R. Burch
for the Religious Right
I’ve got Jesus’s face on a wallet insert
and "Hell is for Queers" on the back of my shirt.
And I uphold the Law,
for Grace has a Flaw:
the Church must have someone to drag through the dirt.
I’ve got ten thousand reasons why Hell must exist,
and you’re at the top of my fast-swelling list!
You’re nothing like me,
so God must agree
and slam down the Hammer with His Loving Fist!
For what are the chances that God has a plan
to save everyone: even Boy George and Wham!?
Eternal fell torture
in Hell’s pressure scorcher
will separate homo from Man.
I’m glad I’m redeemed, ecstatic you’re not.
Did Christ die for sinners? Perish the thought!
The "good news" is this:
soon my Vengeance is His!,
for you’re not the lost sheep He sought.
To humankind, O Brother, consecrate
Thy heart, and shun the hundred Sects that prate
About the things they little know about —
Let all receive thy pity, none thy hate.
—Al-Ma'arri
Come Lord and Lift
by Tom Merrill
Come Lord, and lift the fallen bird
Abandoned on the ground;
The soul bereft and longing so
To have the lost be found.
The heart that cries—let it but hear
Its sweet love answering,
Or out of ether one faint note
Of living comfort wring.
Practice Makes
Perfect
by
Michael R. Burch
I have a talent for sleep;
it’s one of my favorite things.
Thus when I sleep, I sleep deep ...
at least till the stupid clock rings.
I frown as I squelch its damn beep,
then fling it aside to resume
my practice for when I’ll sleep deep
in a silent and undisturbed tomb.
Originally published by Light Quarterly
Buffalo Bill's defunct
by e. e. cummings
Buffalo Bill's
defunct
who used to
ride a watersmooth-silver
stallion
and break onetwothreefourfive
pigeonsjustlikethat
Jesus
he was a handsome man
and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death
thanksgiving prayer of the parasites
by Michael R. Burch
GODD is great;
GODD is good;
let us thank HIM
for our food.
by HIS hand
we all are fed;
give us now
our daily dead:
ah-men!
(p.s.,
most gracious
& salacious
HEAVENLY LORD,
we thank YOU in advance for
meals galore
of loverly gore:
of precious
delicious
sumptuous
scrumptious
human flesh!)
evol-u-shun
by Michael R. Burch
does GOD adore the Tyger
while it’s ripping ur lamb apart?
does GOD applaud the Plague
while it’s eating u à la carte?
does GOD admire ur intelligence
while ur praying IT has a heart?
does GOD endorse the Bible
you blue-lighted at k-mart?
u-turn: another way to look at religion
by Michael R. Burch
... u were born(e) orphaned from Ecstasy
into this lower realm: just one of the inching worms
dreaming of Beatification;
u'd love to make a u-turn back to Divinity, but
having misplaced ur chrysalis,
can only
chant magical phrases,
like Circe luring ulysses back into the pigsty ...
The Garden Of Love
by William Blake
I laid me down upon a bank,
Where Love lay sleeping;
I heard among the rushes dank
Weeping, weeping.
Then I went to the heath and the wild,
To the thistles and thorns of the waste;
And they told me how they were beguiled,
Driven out, and compelled to the chaste.
I went to the Garden of Love,
And saw what I never had seen;
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.
And the gates of this Chapel were shut
And "Thou shalt not," writ over the door;
So I turned to the Garden of Love
That so many sweet flowers bore.
And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tombstones where flowers should be;
And priests in black gowns were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars my joys and desires.
jesus hates me, this i know
by Michael R. Burch
jesus hates me, this I know,
for Church libel tells me so:
"little ones to him belong"
but if they use their dongs, so long!
yes, jesus hates me!
yes, jesus baits me!
yes, he berates me!
Church libel tells me so!
jesus fleeces us, i know,
for Religion scams us so:
little ones are brainwashed to
believe god saves the Chosen Few!
yes, jesus fleeces!
yes, he deceases
the bunny and the rhesus
because he's mad at you!
jesus hates me—christ who died
so i might be crucified:
'cause if i use my cock or brain,
that will drive the "lord" insane!
yes, jesus hates me!
yes, jesus baits me!
yes, he berates me!
Church libel tells me so!
jesus hates me, this I know,
for Church libel tells me so:
first Priests tell me "look above,"
that christ's the lamb and god's the dove,
but then They sentence me to Hell
for using my big brain too well
and understanding half the Bible
(if god is love) is clearly libel.
yes, jesus hates me!
yes, jesus baits me!
yes, he berates me!
Church libel tells me so!
The Penitent
by Edna St. Vincent Millay
I had a little Sorrow,
Born of a little Sin,
I found a room all damp with gloom
And shut us all within;
And, "Little Sorrow, weep," said I,
"And, Little Sin, pray God to die,
And I upon the floor will lie
And think how bad I've been!"
Alas for pious planning—
It mattered not a whit!
As far as gloom went in that room,
The lamp might have been lit!
My little Sorrow would not weep,
My little Sin would go to sleep—
To save my soul I could not keep
My graceless mind on it!
So I got up in anger,
And took a book I had,
And put a ribbon on my hair
To please a passing lad,
And, "One thing there's no getting by—
I've been a wicked girl," said I:
"But if I can't be sorry, why,
I might as well be glad!"
faith(less)
by Michael R. Burch
Those who believed
and Those who misled
lie together at last
in the same narrow bed
and if god loved Them more
for Their strange lack of doubt,
he kept it well hidden
till he snuffed Them out.
Habeas Corpus
by Michael R. Burch
from “Songs of the Antinatalist”
I have the results of your DNA analysis.
If you want to have children, this may induce paralysis.
I wish I had good news, but how can I lie?
Any offspring you have are guaranteed to die.
It wouldn’t be fair—I’m sure you’ll agree—
to sentence kids to death, so I’ll waive my fee.
When I Was Small, I Grew
by Michael R. Burch
When I was small,
God held me in thrall:
Yes, He was my All
but my spirit was crushed.
As I grew older
my passions grew bolder
even as Christ grew colder.
My distraught mother blushed:
what was I thinking,
with feral lust stinking?
If I saw a girl winking
my face, heated, flushed.
“Go see the pastor!”
Mom screamed. A disaster.
I whacked away faster,
hellbound, yet nonplused.
Whips! Chains! Domination!
Sweet, sweet, my Elation!
With each new sensation,
blue blood groinward rushed.
Did God disapprove?
Was Christ not behooved?
At least I was moved
by my hellish lust.
lust
by michael r. burch
i was only a child
in a world dark and wild
seeking affection
in eyes mild
and in all my bright dreams
sweet love shimmered, beguiled ...
but the black-robed Priest
who called me the least
of all god’s creation
then spoke for the Beast:
he called my great passion a thing base, defiled!
He condemned me to hell,
the foul Ne’er-Do-Well,
for the sake of the copper
His Pig-Snout could smell
in the purse of my mother,
“the whore jezebel.”
my sweet passions condemned
by degenerate men?
and she so devout
she exclaimed, “yay, aye-men!” ...
together we learned why Religion is hell.
Red State Religion Rejection Slip
by Michael R. Burch
I’d like to believe in your LORD
but I really can’t risk it
when his world is as badly composed
as a half-baked biscuit.
Less Heroic Couplets: Funding Fundamentals
by Michael R. Burch
"I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble." — Mark Twain
Making sense from nonsense is quite sensible! Suppose
you’re running low on moolah, need some cash to paint your toes ...
Just invent a new religion; claim it saves lost souls from hell;
have the converts write you checks; take major debit cards as well;
take MasterCard and Visa and good-as-gold Amex;
hell, lend and charge them interest, whether payday loan or flex.
Thus out of perfect nonsense, glittery ores of this great mine,
you’ll earn an easy living and your toes will truly shine!
Originally published by Lighten Up Online
Pagans Protest the Intolerance of Christianity
by Michael R. Burch
“We have a common sky.” — Quintus Aurelius Symmachus (c. 345-402)
We had a common sky
before the Christians came.
We thought there might be gods
but did not know their names.
The common stars above us?
They winked, and would not tell.
Yet now our fellow mortals claim
our questions merit hell!
The cause of our damnation?
They claim they’ve seen the LIGHT ...
but still the stars wink down at us,
as wiser beings might.
Dust (II)
by Michael R. Burch
We are dust
and to dust we must
return ...
but why, then,
life’s pointless sojourn?
His Confession
by the Archpoet
circa 1165; translated from
the original Medieval Latin
by Helen Waddell
Seething over inwardly
With fierce indignation,
In my bitterness of soul,
Hear my declaration.
I am of one element,
Levity my matter,
Like enough a withered leaf
For the winds to scatter.
Since it is the property
Of the sapient
To sit firm upon a rock,
it is evident
That I am a fool, since I
Am a flowing river,
Never under the same sky,
Transient for ever.
Hither, thither, masterless
Ship upon the sea,
Wandering through the ways of air,
Go the birds like me.
Bound am I by ne'er a bond,
Prisoner to no key,
Questing go I for my kind,
Find depravity.
Never yet could I endure
Soberness and sadness,
Jests I love and sweeter than
Honey find I gladness.
Whatsoever Venus bids
Is a joy excelling,
Never in an evil heart
Did she make her dwelling.
Down the broad way do I go,
Young and unregretting,
Wrap me in my vices up,
Virtue all forgetting,
Greedier for all delight
Than heaven to enter in:
Since the soul is in me dead,
Better save the skin.
Pardon, pray you, good my lord,
Master of discretion,
But this death I die is sweet,
Most delicious poison.
Wounded to the quick am I
By a young girl's beauty:
She's beyond my touching? Well,
Can't the mind do duty?
Hard beyond all hardness, this
Mastering of Nature:
Who shall say his heart is clean,
Near so fair a creature?
Young are we, so hard a law,
How should we obey it?
And our bodies, they are young,
Shall they have no say in’t?
Sit you down amid the fire,
Will the fire not burn you?
To Pavia come, will you
Just as chaste return you?
Pavia, where Beauty draws
Youth with finger-tips,
Youth entangled in her eyes,
Ravished with her lips.
Let you bring Hippolytus,
In Pavia dine him,
Never more Hippolytus
Will the morning find him.
In Pavia not a road
But leads to venery
Nor among its crowding towers
One to chastity.
Yet a second charge they bring:
I'm forever gaming.
Yea, the dice hath many a time
Stripped me to my shaming
When an if the body's cold,
If the mind is burning,
On the anvil hammering,
Rhymes and verses turning?
Look again upon your list.
Is the tavern on it?
Yea, and never have I scorned,
Never shall I scorn it,
Till the holy angels come,
And my eyes discern them,
Singing for the dying soul,
Requiem aeternam.
For on this my heart is set:
When the hour is nigh me,
Let me in the tavern die,
With a tankard by me,
While the angels looking down
Joyously sing o'er me,
Deus sit propitius
Huic potatori.
'Tis the fire that's in the cup
Kindles the soul's torches,
‘Tis the heart that drenched in wine
Flies to heaven's porches.
Sweeter tastes the wine to me
In a tavern tankard
That the watered stuff my Lord
Bishop has decanted.
Let them fast and water drink,
All the poets' chorus,
Fly the market and the crowd
Racketing uproarious.
Sit in quiet spots and think,
Shun the tavern's portal
Write, and never having lived,
Die to be immortal.
Never hath the spirit of
Poetry descended,
Till with food and drink my lean
Belly was distended,
But when Bacchus lords it in
My cerebral story,
Comes Apollo with a rush,
Fills me with his glory.
Unto every man his gift.
Mine was not for fasting.
Never could I find a rhyme
With my stomach wasting.
As the wine is, so the verse:
'Tis a better chorus
When the landlord hath a good
Vintage set before us.
Good my lord, the case is heard,
I myself betray me,
And affirm myself to be
All my fellows say me.
See, they in thy presence are:
Let whoe’er hath known
His own heart and found it clean,
Cast at me the stone.
Oh! let them in the marshes grope, or ride
Their jaded Myths along the mountain-side;
Come up with me, O Brother, to the heights
Where Reason is the prophet and the guide.
"What is thy faith and creed," they ask of me,
"And who art thou? Unseal thy pedigree." —
I am the child of Time, my tribe, mankind,
And now this world's my caravanseri.
—Al-Ma'arri
Behind Enemy Lines
by Tom Merrill
"I have learned that to be with those I like
is enough."—Walt Whitman
Spotted where dropped, its neat, unread
Still folded pages testified
I'd been afloat inside my head,
So buoyed by a presence I'd
Escaped resorting to the trends,
Or tracking our squirearchy's scheme
For locking my more wayward friends
Out of the landscape of their dream.
Then—lift for lift—I'd played chauffeur—
Slipped out an outcast who slips in
And braves the backlash of the pure
To smuggle me my favorite sin
Or just pass out a room away
While I drift in my mind all day.
In One Ear
by Joseph S. Salemi
In the Strand I picked up a little
profligate wretch and gave her sixpence.
James Boswell, London Journal,
4 June 1763
Boswell listened, Johnson talked.
Then the Scotsman went and walked
London's alleyways and mews
Seeking trollops from the stews.
All that weighty, sage advice
From the Doctor, without price,
Never made the slightest dent
On a youth whose natural bent
Drew him towards the rankest sluts—
Brains were trumped by churning guts.
Such are humans. At the best
We may listen, be impressed,
Marvel at sagacious wit—
Then go act as we see fit.
Mind and will stay far apart;
Reason does not touch the heart;
Impulse shatters logic's chain;
Argument goes down the drain.
Aristotle's books slam shut
When we are in heat or rut.
A Classics Scholar Views Her Second Husband
by
Richard Moore
Mirabile Dictu,
he got a prick too.
Religion is a maiden veiled in prayer,
Whose bridal gifts and dowry those who care
Can buy in Mutakallem's shop of words;
But I for such, a dirham can not spare.
Why linger here, why turn another page?
Oh! seal with doubt the whole book of the age;
Doubt every one, even him, the seeming slave
Of righteousness, and doubt the canting sage.
—Al-Ma'arri
With Apologies To Posterity
(And to Atwood)
by
Tom Merrill
To halt for good the blithe and brutal
Transmission of our tragedy,
She could,
while sure the race was futile
Conceive no failsafe strategy
For saving unborn generations.
But if uncertain how to thwart
Such thoughtless
self-perpetuations—
At least she hoped
we'd self-abort.
Lament for a Fertile Father
by
Richard Moore
Few boys
disparage
the joys
of marriage.
Most girls
imagine
the pearls
they'll cadge in
(nor dread
dead fish in)
the wed
condition.
O churls
so mulish
and girls
so foolish
by lust
so harried
they must
get married
and flip
and splash in
their drip-
ping passion!
Each soon
discovers
this boon
of lovers
a pot
of nettles
and rot-
ting petals.
Love's sleeve
of custard
shall leave
them flustered:
no oath
can stop its
dark growth
of moppets,
no saint,
no ices,
no quaint
devices,
no plug,
no stopper . . .
He'll hug,
he'll hop her,
and still
she'll quicken—
until
they sicken.
They will!
Time's trickle
will dill
their pickle.
As both
grow older,
he, loath
to hold her,
holds one
who, tiring,
grows un-
desiring.
Then talk
turns brutal.
Both balk.
It's futile.
Love's way
now seething
with ba-
bies teething,
their mad
begetting
now sad
regretting,
they may
well tremble:
for they
resemble
drunk sots
whose swinging
gavottes,
gay singing,
and horn-
y laughter,
the morn-
ing after
are groans,
shrieks, sobbing;
nerves, bones,
skulls throbbing:
love's blear
wild clover
now mere
hangover.
Into the Twilight
by William Butler Yeats
Out-worn heart, in a time out-worn,
Come clear of the nets of wrong and right;
Laugh, heart, again in the grey twilight;
Sigh, heart, again in the dew of the morn.
Your mother Eire is always young,
Dew ever shining and twilight grey;
Though hope fall from you and love decay,
Burning in fires of a slanderous tongue.
Come, heart, where hill is heaped upon hill:
For there the mystical brotherhood
Of sun and moon and hollow and wood
And river and stream work out their will;
And God stands winding His lonely horn,
And time and the world are ever in flight;
And love is less kind than the grey twilight,
And hope is less dear than the dew of the morn.
Death's debt is then and there
Paid down by dying men;
But it is a promise bare
That they shall rise again.
—Al-Ma'arri
So Seasons Sound
by Tom Merrill
I speak to them, I notice, in my strange
Yet native tongue, and let them guess what's new
Where out beyond the mythic land I range
And storied wonders cannot gloss the view.
So some against annulment preen their sound,
As if all slates were not to be wiped clean
Or honers of a bloodgift were less bound
For all their fanfare never to have been.
So seasons sound their trumpets and subside,
Inflate and wizen for sweet nature's sake,
And while swung oceans fling to either side
The latest chosen for a foamy wake
The news still spreads our goose is hard to cook
And no blank page will mark us in Time's book.
If a man of sound judgment appeals to his intelligence, he will
hold cheap the various creeds and despise them.
—Al-Ma'arri
A Demurral
by Tom Merrill
Why keep your senses grounded here,
Or let them have you sharp and clear
Who wakened you to numbered days
To yoke you to their futile ways?
While tickings winch you nearer toward
Your execution and reward,
Why not imbibe—or pick your trip,
Let them ram home the standard script
As you, absorbing what you like
Risk transport on a one-way flight;
Let our grand architects complain,
Who pull their mighty weight in vain,
Only to end as they began,
Fragile freight of a circling hand
That flicks the feeble out and in
And each back to his origin.
The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
Oh, come with old Khayyam, and leave the Wise
To talk; one thing is certain, that Life flies;
One thing is certain, and the Rest is Lies;
The Flower that once has blown forever dies.
Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and Saint, and heard great Argument
About it and about; but evermore
Came out by the same Door as in I went.
With them the Seed of Wisdom did I sow,
And with my own hand labour'd it to grow:
And this was all the Harvest that I reap'd —
'I came like Water and like Wind I go.'
The Pelagian Drinking Song
by Hillaire Belloc
Pelagius lived at Kardanoel
And taught a doctrine there
How, whether you went to heaven or to hell
It was your own affair.
It had nothing to do with the Church, my boy,
But was your own affair.
No, he didn't believe
In Adam and Eve
He put no faith therein!
His doubts began
With the Fall of Man
And he laughed at Original Sin.
With my row-ti-tow
Ti-oodly-ow
He laughed at original sin.
Then came the bishop of old Auxerre
Germanus was his name
He tore great handfuls out of his hair
And he called Pelagius shame.
And with his stout Episcopal staff
So thoroughly whacked and banged
The heretics all, both short and tall —
They rather had been hanged.
Oh he whacked them hard, and he banged them long
Upon each and all occasions
Till they bellowed in chorus, loud and strong
Their orthodox persuasions.
With my row-ti-tow
Ti-oodly-ow
Their orthodox persuasions.
Now the faith is old and the Devil bold
Exceedingly bold indeed.
And the masses of doubt that are floating about
Would smother a mortal creed.
But we that sit in a sturdy youth
And still can drink strong ale
Let us put it away to infallible truth
That always shall prevail.
And thank the Lord
For the temporal sword
And howling heretics too.
And all good things
Our Christendom brings
But especially barley brew!
With my row-ti-tow
Ti-oodly-ow
Especially barley brew!
Immortal wouldst thou be, then draw no breath:
This life is but a ladder unto death.
—Al-Ma'arri
Officially Speaking
by
Tom Merrill
What nugget gleaned may we bestow
To mark the passing of the torch
Who watch the darkness watch us go
Steaming across a lamp-lit porch.
A few steps off our haloed stage
The boundless night with sealed lips
Counts out the customary wage:
An ineluctable eclipse.
It comes to us in daily thought
And haunts us every day we breathe,
How we without a hope have sought
To love where we could only grieve
And only honed a skill so wise
To take a sage to his demise.
Alone
by Edgar Alan Poe
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then—in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
Clean-Language Freaks
by Joseph S. Salemi
A boring sort of ethopath
Is one who’s seized by livid wrath
If you use "bad words" in his hearing.
He gets upset if talk goes veering
In a raw, obscene direction—
He’ll hit you with a stern correction,
And say that you must watch your tongue
And not throw vile words in among
The purer vocables of language.
His warning has an adder’s fang’s edge,
And I have not the slightest doubt
If you don’t stop he’ll punch you out.
You mostly find these prim-lipped clowns
In stupid little one-horse towns,
Or hamlets where some Baptist howler
Makes Sunday mornings even fouler
Telling folks how to dress and think.
There is a pretty solid link
Between the fans of Nice Clean Speech
And tendencies to gas and preach.
These puling, milksop moral lambs
Can’t stand the sound of hells and damns,
And if you say a word like shit
They’ll go into a holy fit
And blow their little moral stacks
And lambaste you with thumps and whacks.
Don’t dare to utter cunt or prick—
They’ll have your liver on a stick.
They even grab their birchen rod
If someone simply mentions God
(They think He should be called "The Lord"
In tones that are quite overawed.)
They cannot even be enticed
To say the name of Jesus Christ
Except when muttering a prayer
In rapturous devotion’s air.
These prissy, squeamish, tight-assed nerds
Who can’t abide four-letter words
Are lacking in the basic grit
That makes a man a mensch. A bit
Of blue-toned language spices life
And keeps one sharpened, like a knife
Ready to slash and cut and stab
Some dull opponent’s mental flab.
Plain language tells all gutless types
That you have got the balls and tripes
To say whatever you are thinking
While they are tied in knots and shrinking
From honest and forthright expression.
Their pallid speech is a confession
That they lack spunk and inner drive,
And hence their words are not alive.
Vapid twits who do not swear
Give off a tweedy, pious air
Like otherworldly English vicars
Who pass out at the sight of knickers.
But as for one who’s not averse
To belching out a raw-boned curse,
The arsenal of human speech
Is well within his grasp and reach.
His tongue’s a well-honed bayonet
Kept in its scabbard, safe, and yet
Quick to be bared when danger nears—
Liars and fools and sloganeers
Are terrorized by his tongue’s bite,
Its stinging lash, its will to smite.
Voodoo
by
Richard Moore
Risking a deft-
ly small amount,
I've left
our bill-paying account
in both our names,
bold on each check.
This tames
my urge to break her neck.
Crossing her out
for each new bill,
I shout
happily, "Kill her, kill!"
Psychopath
by Richard Moore
My love for her is utter.
Daily my love increases.
Then why do I long to cut her
up into soggy pieces?
Psychopath (2)
by Richard Moore
I got sort of bored with Betty,
so I cut her up with my machete.
Amazing how her bones, eyes, nose, all
eventually went down the disposal.
Parting Wish
by Richard Moore
May she find solace with her lovers—
writhe with them underneath the covers;
then may age bring, to ease her slumbers,
carrots, bananas, and cucumbers.
Tea at the Palaz of Hoon
by Wallace Stevens
Not less because in purple I descended
The western day through what you called
The loneliest air, not less was I myself.
What was the ointment sprinkled on my beard?
What were the hymns that buzzed beside my ears?
What was the sea whose tide swept through me there?
Out of my mind the golden ointment rained,
And my ears made the blowing hymns they heard.
I was myself the compass of that sea:
I was the world in which I walked, and what I saw
Or heard or felt came not but from myself;
And there I found myself more truly and more strange.
His "Life"
by Richard Moore
Quip upon quip
in "smarty ass" one-upmanship
until our clown
experienced death's clever
put-down.
A Satirist Accedes to the Nature of Things
by
Richard Moore
O yes, I should be better known,
that my tombstone
may hear, instead of sobs and
grief,
sighs of relief.
My father did this to me, but I to no one have done this.
—Al-Ma'arri
(he believed that giving birth was wrong and died childless)
The Rock of the Redeemer
by
Tom Merrill
Each week he orbits back again to mine
Old quarries, prop the faithful, and be swept
Rock-borne from door to door, through days and nights
And on to where revered remains are kept.
Some groomed disciple then will softly keep
Long watch, until the moment when at last
All done with sacrifice, the rock rolled back,
The lamb bursts forth, intent on breaking fast;
So weekly feasts are hastily prepared,
By way of thanks for many feats performed
And toils endured to keep old fans attached—
Some scourging, blood, and other gifts to leaven
The outlook of his flock, which deems the rock
His church stands on, the keystone of their heaven.
SATYR CUNNILINGUENT: To Herman Melville
by Charles Martin
1.
Winding her fingers through
His hair, fingertips drumming,
At last she brings him to
The sweet verge of her coming:
Her passion at its flood
Overwhelms all measure;
On articulation’s bud,
Inarticulate with pleasure,
She flops like a caught fish
Straining to be human!
This Satyr has his wish
Fulfilled in a mortal woman.
2.
Flesh is the mystery:
Had Billy a young bride
As Ahab had, might he
Not have been less tongue-tied?
Might he not have become
Glib in the face of darkness?
As you yourself, in some
Of your moods seem to practice
The clever, tongue-in-cheek
Art of the cunning Satyr?
How hard it is to speak
Of the things that matter.
The Fall Guy
I.M. Norman Wisdom
by Peter Wyton
As sure as eggs are eggs, he lost his way
en route to heaven, ended up in hell.
The devil bellowed, “It’s my lucky day.
A comic genius. Get on stage and tell
me the one about the bishop, the whore…”
“I don’t do smut” squealed Norman, his jolly
smile fading, as the hot coals on the floor
caused him to trip over Nick’s tea-trolley,
impelling, with one wildly waving boot,
Beelzebub, caterwauling in pain,
down the diabolical laundry chute
and out of the iniquitous domain.
From upstairs came the most Almighty cheer,
“For God’s sake, Wisdom, get yourself up here.”
“Coming, Mr. Grimsdale,” called the bloke
in the ill-fitting suit and skew-whiff hat
who spent his life as a national joke
and in death, charged across the welcome mat
of paradise like a primary school
kid released from a monotonous class,
ruffling angels wings, playing the fool
with harps, walking on celestial grass
because the sign said DON’T, elbowing
seraphim and cherubim in the ribs,
hiding behind God’s throne, then tiptoeing
out to shout “Boo”, until His Holy Nibs
growled, “Peter, if anybody wants me,
I’ll be down the pub in Purgatory.”
They’re both still at the bar, on neutral ground,
Jehovah and Lucifer in dispute
about who’s going to get the next round
in and where they might conceivably put
the patron saint of slapstick, who is now
causing chaos throughout the afterlife.
On the one hand there’s the infernal row
he’s making, in addition to the strife
currently bedevilling both their spheres.
“Dead souls today aren’t what they used to be,”
both parties are now mumbling in their beers.
“Old Churchill’s telephone operator, he
was,” the Deity sobs. Satan says, “Cor!
How did the British ever win the war?”
Originally Published in The Flea
Question on a college thermodynamics exam: "Is hell exothermic or
endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs
of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote
the following:
"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are
souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.
As for souls entering hell, most religions state that if you do not
belong to their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are many
religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project
that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they
are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the
ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options
exist:
- If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase
until all hell breaks loose.
- If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes
over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by [name withheld]
during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep
with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in
having sex with her, then Option 2 cannot be true ... Thus, hell is
exothermic."
Beast 666
by Michael R. Burch
“... what rough beast ... slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?”—W. B. Yeats
Brutality is a cross
wooden, blood-stained,
gas hissing, sibilant,
lungs gilled, deveined,
red flecks on a streaked glass pane,
jeers jubilant,
mocking.
Brutality is shocking—
tiny orifices torn
by cruel adult lust,
the fetus unborn
tossed in a dust-
bin. The scarred skull shorn,
nails bloodied, tortured,
an old wound sutured
over, never healed.
Brutality, all its faces revealed,
is legion:
Death March, Trail of Tears, Inquisition . . .
always the same.
The Beast of the godless and of man’s “religion”
slouching toward Jerusalem:
horned, crowned, gibbering, drooling, insane.
Double Cross
by Michael R. Burch
Come to the cross;
contemplate all loss
and how little was gained
by those who remained
uncrucified.
yet another post-partum christmas
blues poem
by michael r. burch
ur GAUD created hell; it’s called the earth;
HE mused u briefly, clods of little worth:
let’s make some little monkeys
to be RELIGION’s flunkeys!
GAUD belched, went back to sleep, such was ur birth.
Untitled ur poems
since GOD created u so gullible
how did u conclude HE’s so lovable?
—Michael R. Burch
limping to the grave under the sentence of death,
should i praise ur LORD? think i’ll save my breath!
—Michael R. Burch
wee the many
by michael r. burch
wee never really lived: was that our fault?
now thanks to ur GAUD wee lie in an underground vault.
wee lie here, the little ones ur GAUD despised!
HE condemned us to death before wee opened our eyes!
as it was in the days of noah, it still remains:
GAUD kills us with floods he conjures from murderous rains.
Evil Cabal
by Michael R. Burch
those who do Evil
do not know why
what they do is wrong
as they spit in ur eye.
nor did Jehovah,
the original Devil,
when he murdered eve,
our lovely rebel.
Mini-Ode to Annihilation
by Michael R. Burch
Just to be able to breathe
is better than the wildest bliss,
but never to breathe at all
is the Nirvana we missed.
no look pass
by michael r. burch
ask me no questions,
i’ll tell u no lies,
but, since u inquired,
ur GAUD is unwise,
evil, unloving,
cruel & unjust:
he said not to look
but I’m all about lust!
ergo, ur religion’s a bust!
U.S. Travel Advisory
by Michael R. Burch
It’s okay
to be gay,
unless, let’s say,
you find your fey
way
outside the Bay.
They
will want you to pray
to their LORD, or else pay
for the “wrong decision.” Stay
in San Fran, or maybe LA.
The Gospel According to James Webb
by Michael R. Burch
“The universe is broken: who on earth can fix it?” – Moishe Rosen
The universe is broken.
God has finally spoken:
“I snapped my fingers and
the stars appeared, like sand.”
The universe is broken
and who on earth can fix it,
since our best theory flopped
like a half-baked biscuit?
The universe is broken.
Man’s shipwrecked on the laughter
of some ancient God.
Hubris, meet your master.
The Less-Than-Divine Results of My Prayers to be Saved from Televangelists
by Michael R. Burch
I’m old,
no longer bold,
just cold,
and (truth be told),
been bought and sold,
rolled
by the wolves and the lambs in the fold.
Who’s to be told
by this worn-out scold?
The complaint department is always on hold.
God to Man, Contra Bataan
by Michael R. Burch
Earth, what-d’ya make of global warming?
Perth is endangered, the high seas storming.
Now all my creatures, from maggot to man
Know what it felt like on the march to Bataan.
sonnet to non-science and nonsense
by michael r. burch
ur Gaud is a fiasco,
a rapscallion and a rascal;
he murdered lovely eve,
so what’s there to "believe"?
and who made eve so curious?
why should ur Gaud be furious
when every half-wit parent knows
where our kids will stick their (k)no(w)'s(e)!
no wise and loving father
would slaughter his own daughter!
ur Gaud's a hole-y terror!
CONSIDER THE SOURCE OF ERROR:
though ur bible’s a giant hit,
its writers were full of shit.
Heaven Bent
by Michael R. Burch
This life is hell; it can get no worse.
Summon the coroner, the casket, the hearse!
But I’m upwardly mobile. How the hell can I know?
I can only go up; I’m already below!
“Heaven Bent” is a pun on “being bent on Heaven” and the heaven/hell thing
being bent into a different version, with the dying escaping hell here on earth.
That would make death “heaven” even if there is no afterlife. “This life is
hell,” “upwardly mobile” and “how the hell” are also puns that can be read two
ways. I wrote this poem in high school, around age 16 in 1974, but was unhappy
with the third line and forgot about the poem. I stumbled upon it on on July 4,
2006 —ironically, Independence Day — and the third line occurred to me.
Jesus-Rambo-Shambo
by Michael R. Burch
Jesus was like Rambo,
and also Papa Shambo!
He’s awesome, just like Cupid
and will save us although we’re stupid
and blaspheme his name with our occult religion.
Jehovah murdered kids,
and yet we do as he bids?
Of course we do, should we think for ourselves?
Jehovah, the Abortionist,
is such a cool contortionist
he kills our mothers, still we call him “good.”
We know it may seem funny,
but we give the church our money
then kneel to implore sweet “mercy” from our Jailer.
If our daughter thinks for herself, let Christ impale her,
torture her in hell! Should we bewail her?
As long as we float on clouds,
what do we care for the screaming crowds
of those we loved who dared to use their brains
while we flushed ours down shit-clogged reeking drains?
To think’s a sin and thus we must abstain!
Rhetorical Prayer
by Michael R. Burch
don’t tell me man’s lot’s poor:
i always wanted more.
don’t tell me Nature’s cruel
and red with visceral gore.
i always wanted more.
please, dial up ur Gaud and tell Him
i don’t like the crap He’s selling.
if He’s good, He’ll listen, i’m sure,
this Gaud u so adore.
markdown
by Michael R. Burch
christians will try to sell u
their Gaud full of infinite “love”
then with fear they will try to compel u ...
but if one screams below, what the hell is “Above”?
Ah-men
Odes to an Enormous Ass
by Michael R. Burch
1.
Trump talks through
his rump
at the stump.
His ass is a gas;
it’s as sassy
as an Elephant’s crevasse!
2.
If you see him in a Speedo,
bifocals you will need, oh,
and wide-screen television
to correct eyes’ imprecision.
3.
If you’re ogled by Trump’s hiney,
you’ll be blinded ’cause it’s shiny.
If you’re mooned by his huge buttocks,
best to run before he rut-hops. [*]
4.
On earth there’re weighty things
that can’t take flight with wings:
mountains, seas and giant asses
like Trump’s, though full of gasses.
[*] “rut-hops” is, of course, the scientific term for the mating advances of
kangaroos in heat.
Post-Nashville Covenant
by Michael R. Burch
We love our God.
We love our guns.
We despise the weak.
Don’t call us Huns!
We love our kids.
We love our schools.
We love our guns.
Don’t call us fools!
We pledge ourselves
to the strong defense
of the Constitution
and our Mensch.
Once re-elected,
Trump will rule
with God and guns
and safer schools.
Wonderworks
by Michael R. Burch
History’s
mysteries
abound
& astound,
found
(profound)
the whole earth ’round,
even if mostly
underground.
uv been had
by michael r. burch
uv been had;
ur Dad’s a cad;
His priests are mad,
His pastors lying.
they only want your money, chum,
so why play dumb
and give it to ’em?
give them the boot and send them flying!
Come Spring
by Michael R. Burch
for the Religious Right
Come spring we return, innocent and hopeful, to the Virgin,
beseeching Her to bestow
Her blessings upon us.
Pitiable sinners, we bow before Her,
nay, grovel,
as She looms above us, aglow
in Her Purity.
We know
all will change in an instant; therefore
in the morning we will call her,
an untouched maiden no more,
“whore.”
The so-called Religious Right prizes virginity in women and damns them for
doing what men do. I have long been a fan of women like Tallulah Bankhead,
Marilyn Monroe and Mae West, who decided what’s good for the gander is equally
good for the goose.
twin nuggets of ancient whiz-dumb
by michael r. burch
oh, let it never once be said
that love for Gaud is dead!
wee love the way he murdered eve!
such awesome love! wee must believe!
wee love the way he sent a FLOOD
to teach wee babies to be good!
wee love the zillion births he aborted!
such awesome love cant clearly reported!
(so never mind the embryos
who died in their mommies’ drowning throes!
the unborn babes, the unborn lambs
all drowned for Gaud’s divinest plans!)
“do as I say, not as I do!”
cruel Hippo-Crit! does Jesus rue?
(if Christ were good he’d rue Gaud too.)
no! wee must love our abusive Father
and follow hymn meekly, mild lambs to the slaughter,
or he’ll burn us forever in Hiss terrible hell.
it’s so much safer to tell hymn he’s swell!
thus wee love our Gaud so loverly
hovering over us so smotherly!
wee love the TITHES his cons abscond.
wee love the Big Fish in Hiss pond.
And so wee say “whee!” to all this and that!
PS, also the earth is flat!
Why do faith, hope and love
always end up PUSH and SHOVE?
—Michael R. Burch, lines from “Christ, Jesus!”
Yet another Screed against Exist-Tension-alism
by Michael R. Burch
Life has meaning!
Please don’t deny it!
It means we’re fucked.
But why cause a riot?
Evangelical Fever
by Michael R. Burch
Welcome to global warming:
temperature 109.
You believe in God, not in science,
but isn’t the weather Divine?
Peers
by Michael R. Burch
These thoughts are alien, as through green slime
smeared on some lab tech’s brilliant slide, I grope,
positioning my bright oscilloscope
for better vantage, though I cannot see,
but only peer, as small things disappear—
these quanta strange as men, as passing queer.
And you, Great Scientist, are you the One,
or just an intern, necktie half undone,
white sleeves rolled up, thick documents in hand
(dense manuals you don’t quite understand),
exposing me, perhaps, to too much Light?
Or do I escape your notice, quick and bright?
Perhaps we wield the same dull Instrument
(and yet the Thesis will be Eloquent!).
The Final Revelation of a Departed God’s Divine Plan
by Michael R. Burch
Here I am, talking to myself again . . .
pissed off at God and bored with humanity.
These insectile mortals keep testing my sanity!
Still, I remember when . . .
planting odd notions, dark inklings of vanity,
in their peapod heads might elicit an inanity
worth a chuckle or two.
Philosophers, poets . . . how they all made me laugh!
The things they dreamed up! Sly Odysseus’s raft;
Plato’s Republic; Dante’s strange crew;
Shakespeare’s Othello, mad Hamlet, Macbeth;
Cervantes’ Quixote; fat, funny Falstaff!;
Blake’s shimmering visions. Those days, though, are through . . .
for, puling and tedious, their “poets” now seem
content to write, but not to dream,
and they fill the world with their pale derision
of things they completely fail to understand.
Now, since God has long fled, I am here, in command,
reading this crap. Earth is Hell. We’re all damned.
The King of Beasts in the Museum of the Extinct
by Michael R. Burch
The king of beasts, my child,
was terrible, and wild.
His roaring shook the earth
till the feeble cursed his birth.
And all things feared his might:
even rhinos fled, in fright.
Now here these bones attest
to what the brute did best
and the pain he caused his prey
when he hunted in his day.
For he slew them just for sport
till his own pride was cut short
with a mushrooming cloud and wild thunder;
Exhibit "B" will reveal his blunder.
The beauty of the flower fades,
its petals wither to charades...
—Michael R. Burch
the U-turn poem
by michael r. burch
Life so defaulty,
Life so unfair,
why do wee prize U,
what do U care?
LORD who lets unborns
drown in a flood,
CELESTIAL ABORTIONIST,
r U sure Ur understood?
Hellion
by michael r. burch
cold as stone,
cold to the bone,
so cold inside even icebergs moan,
such is ur Gaud on hiss icy throne.
lines written for a luverly Gaud who cant be bothered to save pisspot peeple
who guess wrong about which ire-ational re-ligion to believe.
“Hellion” is a pun on “he-lion” as in the “Lion of Judah” and “hell-lion.”
yet another ode to a graceless faceless Creator albeit with thoughts of possibly rescinding prior compliments
by michael r. burch
who created this graceless universe?
why praise its Creator? who could be worse?
why praise man’s Berater with obsequious verse?
job’s wife was right: he’s nobody’s nurse.
ur-Gent prayer request
by michael r. burch
where did ur Gaud originate?
in the minds of men so full of hate
they commanded moms to stone their kids,
which u believe (brains on the skids)
was his hole-y word!
debate?
too late & of course
it’s useless:
please pray to be less clueless.
The title involves a pun, since the “ur-Gent” would be the biblical “god.”
Religion is regarded by fools as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as
useful. — Seneca, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch
Non-Word to the Wise
by Michael R. Burch
The wise will never cry, “Save!”
The wise desire a quiet grave.
sonnet to non-science and nonsense/nunsense
by michael r. burch
ur Gaud is a fiasco,
a rapscallion and a rascal;
he murdered lovely eve,
so what’s there to “believe”?
and who made eve so curious?
why should ur Gaud be furious
when every half-wit parent knows
where such bright kids will stick their no’s(e)!
no wise and loving father
would slaughter his own daughter!
ur Gaud’s a hole-y terror!
CONSIDER THE SOURCE OF ERROR:
though ur bible’s a giant hit,
its writers were full of shit.
wee beliefs of the POTTER's chillun
by michael r. burch
wee believe in a MYTHICAL MONSTER
who wont give wee time of the day;
HE hates wee because w(err)e queer;
HE hates wee because w(err)e fey;
or likewise if weeuns ur straight
and yet with our weeselves wee play;
HE abominates seeing w(err)e happy
and all other sad things of clay
HE molded to be this way.
wee’uns
by michael r. burch
wee are descended from GAUDS, wee suppose,
though some like JEHOVAH may turn up THEIR nos(e)
after pausing from murdering kids, to declare
men inhuman beasts & unlikely to care
for the poor & the sickly & the prostitutes
THEY’ll sentence to hell with THEIR priests in cahoots
for not guessing right 'bout which GAUDs to believe.
such far-right-eous GAUDs could never deceive
and thus we are left with mere billions in hell:
the bad guessers and gays the GAUDs made not s(o) well.
yes, wee are descended from GAUDS, wee suppose,
impressed by THEIR whiz-dumb and g(l)oriest love,
but if one screams below, what the hell is “above”?
We Know It All
by Michael R. Burch
We rile. We gall. We know it all
because we’ve read the Bible,
which tells us genocide’s “God’s will”
along with bashing in kids’ skulls
and other forms of libel.
The earth is flat, our Book says so!
The Lord will torture our rational foe!
(We lack the compassion to tell the fiend “No!”)
God’s on his throne, the Angels are winking,
applauding our lack of critical thinking.
We’re drowning in crap. We’re stinking and sinking.
Eve once petted friendly T-Rexes!
A “witch” should be stoned for unprovable hexes!
It’s a “sin” to make love if one’s lover has exes!
Girls were enslaved and raped by their “masters”!
Our Book is the source of so many disasters!
The earth’s overheating? Let’s burn it up faster!
The "ur" poems of Michael R. Burch replace the pronoun "your" with the primitive
"Ur of the Chaldees" which is said to have been the birthplace of Abraham and
monotheism. However this "Ur" is uncapitalized since human beings are diminished
by the three Abrahamic religions: Judaism, Islam and Christianity. This "ur"
questions the nature of everything: itself, other human beings, Nature, and an
egotistical being called "GAUD."
& GAUD said, “Let there be LIGHT VERSE
to illuminate the ‘nature’ of my Curse!”
—michael r. burch
reverse the Curse
with LIGHT VERSE!
recant the cant
with an illuminating chant,
etc.
—michael r. burch
Can the darkness of Christianity with its “eternal hell” be repealed via
humor? It’s time to recant the cant, please pardon the puns.
Christianity replaces Santa Claus with Jesus and coal, ashes and soot with an
“eternal hell.”
— Michael R. Burch
day eight of the Divine Plan
by michael r. burch
the earth’s a-stir
with a GAUDLY whirr...
the L(AWE)D’s been creatin’!
com(men)ce t’ matin’!
hatch lotsa babies
he’ll infect with rabies
then ban from college
for seekin’ knowledge
like curious eve!
dear chilluns, don’t grieve,
be(lie)ve the Deceiver!
(never ask why ur Cupid
wanted eve stupid,
animalistic, and naked.)
ah-men!
God Had a Plan
by Michael R. Burch
God had a plan
though it was hardly “divine.”
He created a terror:
Frankenstein.
He blamed death on man:
was that part of the plan
so hard to define,
or did he just cut his losses?
Now sleepless he tosses
hearing the screams,
the wild anger and fear
of men in despair.
Just disappear!,
he cries to himself
on his fearful bed,
tearful, afraid
of those he misled.
Ah-men!
Yet Another Shitty Ditty
by Michael R. Burch
Here’s my ditty:
Life is shitty,
Then you get old
And more’s the pity.
Truth be told,
We’re bought and sold,
Sheep in the fold
Sheared lickety-splitty.
But chin’s up,
What’s the use of crying?
We’ve a certain escape:
Welcome to dying!
Hellbound
by Michael R. Burch
Mother, it’s dark
and you never did love me
because you put Yahweh and Yeshu
above me.
Did they ever love you
or cling to you? No.
Now Mother, it’s cold
and I fear for my soul.
Mother, they say
you will leave me and go
to some compassionless “heaven”
I never shall know.
If that’s your choice,
you made it. Not me.
You brought me to life;
will you nail me to the tree?
Christ! Mother, they say
God condemned me to hell.
If the Devil’s your God
then farewell, farewell!
Or if there is Love
in some other dimension,
let’s reconcile there
and forget such cruel detention.
Listen
by Immanuel A. Michael
1.
Listen to me now
and heed my voice;
I am a madman, alone,
screaming in the wilderness,
but listen now.
Listen to me now, and if I say
that black is black
and white is white
and in between lies gray,
I have no choice.
A madman does not choose his words;
they come to him:
the moon’s illuminations,
intimations of the wind,
and he must speak.
But listen to me now,
and if you hear
the tolling of the judgment bell,
and if its tone is clear,
then do not tarry,
but listen,
or cut off your ears,
for I Am weary.
I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
2.
Listen to me now: I had a Vision.
An elevated train derailed, and Fell.
It was the Church brought low, almost to Hell.
And I alone survived, who dream of Mercy:
the Heretic, who speaks behind the Veil.
3.
Listen to me now: I saw an airplane
fall from the sky. And why should I explain?
The Visions are the same. It is my Heresy
that I survive, because I sing of Mercy,
while elevated "saints" go down in flames.
4.
Listen to me now: I saw in Nashville
how those who "soar" will plummet—Fame
in flames!—
and fall on those below, as if to kill them.
The lowly, saved, will understand their names.
5.
Listen to me now: I heard another
say, "That which died shall Resurrect and Live."
An angel with a Rose bestowing Mercy!
What can it mean, but that my Visions give
fair warning to the world that God wants Mercy.
My Heresy is that we must forgive!
6.
Listen to me now: she heard god calling—
O, who will love me, who will be my friend?
Does he want Perfect Saints, the whitewashed Purists,
who frown down on their "brothers," without end?
7.
Listen to me now: you are not perfect,
and your "wise counsel" helps no one at all:
unless it’s sweetened with the sweetest Mercy,
it’s pure astringent antiseptic gall.
8.
Listen to me now, and learn this lesson:
If God wants mercy, why dig at the speck
in your brother’s eye, when even now the Beam,
your lack of mercy, spares, no, neither neck,
becomes the Hangman’s Millstone. We’re all children,
all little ones! Be patient with the fleck!
9.
Listen to me now: for the Announcer
explained that wars have given Presidents
the precedents to soon assume all Power.
Vote, citizens, or be mere residents!
10.
O, listen to me now: I saw the Warheads
stored safely underground, except for One.
A red-haired woman with a bright complexion
seduced the guard. Translucent blouse, red thong,
white bra – these were her fearsome antique weapons.
I saw the Skull and Crossbones! Heed my Song!
11.
O, listen to me now, and hear my Gospel:
three verses of such sweet simplicity!
God is Light: in Him there is no darkness.
In Christ, no condemnation: Liberty!
God want no Sacrifice, but only Mercy.
O, who could ask for sweeter Heresy?
12.
Theology? I swear that I disdain it!
If Love can be explained, why then explain it!
If Love can’t be explained why, then, should God,
if God is Love? Nor hell nor cattle prod
is needed, if God’s good, and God’s supreme.
Ask, children, what "re-ligion" truly means:
"return to bondage!" Heed the bondsman’s screams!
13.
Heed, children, which Theologies you dream
when Hellish Nightmares wake you, when you Scream
for comfort, but no comforter is there.
Which Voices do you heed, which Crosses bear?
If god is light, whence do Dark Visions come
which leave the Taste of Venom on your Tongue,
with which you Damn your brother for one Sin
you do not share, ten thousand underskin
like Itching Worms that Squirm and Vilely Hiss:
"Your brother’s sin will keep him from god’s bliss,
but You are safe because god favors You!"
If God is Love, how can this voice be true?
14.
For God is not a favorer of men.
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Related Pages:
Libelous Blasphemies of the Lord of Hosts (unless they're true),
BLAKEAN
POEMS
The HyperTexts