The HyperTexts

The Dream and Vision of Diane Adams

I  was in a room filled with people. I donít know for sure how a question came to be asked, it seemed as if there was no voice that spoke, yet everyone there understood an idea that was so portentous it might have not have needed sound to be heard. The question was from the Lord, to all the people in the room; He simply asked: "Does anyone just love ME?" Up until this moment the room had been filled with a quiet buzz of chat, but at that question everyone became silent. It was an awkward moment, people were looking hard at their shoes, making patterns with their fingers on the tables; no one answered. I felt embarrassed somehow, ashamed that no one would speak, yet not willing to answer myself. As the uncomfortable silence grew, I began to feel such a sadness for the Lord, who had asked in what seemed an almost pleading tone, so simply "Does anyone just love me?"

Finally I began to cry, and I called out "I do!" At that moment I felt such an intense release, complete peace and a sense of the presence of God that was overwhelming. This experience seemed to last for a long time; I felt like I was in heaven, like I had somehow become one with God in a way that nothing could ever undo. Perfect peace. Perfect happiness. Perfect love.

When I woke up, that feeling was gone, but the impression left by it is still very strong. More real to me now though, even than the ecstatic feeling, is the power of that simple question: "Does anyone just love me?" I wonder how many of us could answer that honestly? How many times in my own life have I loved what God could do for me -- give me comfort in trouble, wisdom when I have none, provide for my needs and protection. Iíve even gone so far as to be pretty well pleased with a delusion that I could give something to Him as well, perhaps to prove to Him, and the world, that I love Him. Hey God, thanks for the help, now watch this: Iím gonna quit smoking for you, Iím gonna keep all my bills paid on time for you, Iím not gonna cuss or drink or watch bad movies; all this and more I can do for you. Kind of like I wanted somehow to pay Him back, to even the score a little perhaps. Maybe we are so preoccupied with doing things for God, and with getting things from God, that we never even notice Him waiting quietly, just wanting to be friends. Real friends. Sad thing is though, how many times have I wanted to do something for Him, or have Him do something for me, without ever considering that perhaps God, like we ourselves, has a heart that can be hurt; perhaps He has feelings!

At the heart of this question is the idea that God Himself desires a "personal relationship" (a term which has so much church-born baggage as to make it nearly meaningless), that what He wants more than anything else perhaps is to be friends with us. Sound strange? Maybe, but consider what God has done though Christ; He offered up His beloved for our sake; why would He do that, why would He allow His perfect son to undergo horrific torture for us? What kind of motivation could cause you or me to sacrifice our children for someone elseís good? It would have to be something pretty powerful, I think. It is possible that He did this not to win some great cosmic war with evil, or to glorify Himself, but simply because He loved us, the way I love my son, a deep, forever kind of love that can never be changed or repealed.

Is it possible that God might feel, when He comes to our churches and our homes, that no one really wants Him around? When He calls to us, not to chastise us or to correct us, but just to be with us, do we look away, distract ourselves with some busywork that we say is really what God wants? Could it be that by doing so many things "for" Him, we neglect Him altogether? I wonder if He might be hurt by this, in somewhat the way a kid hurts when no one will sit with him at lunch? I pray that we will not reject Him, but that we will open our hearts and minds to His presence, that one day we will all call Him "friend," as He calls us.

If you're interested in "things mysterious," you may be interested in these other Mysterious Ways pages:

A Direct Experience with Universal Love
Two Tales of the Night Sky
Michael, Wonderful and Glorious
The Poisonous Tomato
Of Mother Teresa, Angels and the Poorest of the Poor
Thy Will Be Done (Iron Lung)
Did Jesus Walk on the Water?

Mysterious Ways Index

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