The HyperTexts
The Dream and Vision of Diane Adams
I was in a room filled with people. I don’t know for sure how a question
came to be asked, it seemed as if there was no voice that spoke, yet everyone
there understood an idea that was so portentous it might have not have needed
sound to be heard. The question was from the Lord, to all the people in the
room; He simply asked: "Does anyone just love ME?" Up until this moment the
room had been filled with a quiet buzz of chat, but at that question everyone
became silent. It was an awkward moment, people were looking hard at their
shoes, making patterns with their fingers on the tables; no one answered. I
felt embarrassed somehow, ashamed that no one would speak, yet not willing to
answer myself. As the uncomfortable silence grew, I began to feel such a
sadness for the Lord, who had asked in what seemed an almost pleading tone, so
simply "Does anyone just love me?"
Finally I began to cry, and I called out "I do!" At that moment I felt such
an intense release, complete peace and a sense of the presence of God that was
overwhelming. This experience seemed to last for a long time; I felt like I
was in heaven, like I had somehow become one with God in a way that nothing
could ever undo. Perfect peace. Perfect happiness. Perfect love.
When I woke up, that feeling was gone, but the impression left by it is
still very strong. More real to me now though, even than the ecstatic feeling,
is the power of that simple question: "Does anyone just love me?" I wonder how
many of us could answer that honestly? How many times in my own life have I
loved what God could do for me -- give me comfort in trouble, wisdom
when I have none, provide for my needs and protection. I’ve even gone so far
as to be pretty well pleased with a delusion that I could give something to
Him as well, perhaps to prove to Him, and the world, that I love Him. Hey God,
thanks for the help, now watch this: I’m gonna quit smoking for you, I’m gonna
keep all my bills paid on time for you, I’m not gonna cuss or drink or watch
bad movies; all this and more I can do for you. Kind of like I wanted somehow
to pay Him back, to even the score a little perhaps. Maybe we are so
preoccupied with doing things for God, and with getting things from God, that
we never even notice Him waiting quietly, just wanting to be friends. Real
friends. Sad thing is though, how many times have I wanted to do something for
Him, or have Him do something for me, without ever considering that perhaps
God, like we ourselves, has a heart that can be hurt; perhaps He has feelings!
At the heart of this question is the idea that God Himself desires a
"personal relationship" (a term which has so much church-born baggage as to
make it nearly meaningless), that what He wants more than anything else
perhaps is to be friends with us. Sound strange? Maybe, but consider what God
has done though Christ; He offered up His beloved for our sake; why would He
do that, why would He allow His perfect son to undergo horrific torture for
us? What kind of motivation could cause you or me to sacrifice our children
for someone else’s good? It would have to be something pretty powerful, I
think. It is possible that He did this not to win some great cosmic war with
evil, or to glorify Himself, but simply because He loved us, the way I love my
son, a deep, forever kind of love that can never be changed or repealed.
Is it possible that God might feel, when He comes to our churches and our
homes, that no one really wants Him around? When He calls to us, not to
chastise us or to correct us, but just to be with us, do we look away,
distract ourselves with some busywork that we say is really what God wants?
Could it be that by doing so many things "for" Him, we neglect Him altogether?
I wonder if He might be hurt by this, in somewhat the way a kid hurts when no
one will sit with him at lunch? I pray that we will not reject Him, but that
we will open our hearts and minds to His presence, that one day we will all
call Him "friend," as He calls us.
If you're interested in "things mysterious," you may be
interested in these other Mysterious Ways pages:
A
Direct Experience with Universal Love
Two Tales of
the Night Sky
Genie-Angels
Darkness
Michael,
Wonderful and Glorious
The Poisonous Tomato
Of Mother Teresa, Angels and the Poorest of the Poor
Thy Will Be Done (Iron Lung)
Did Jesus Walk on the Water?
Mysterious Ways Index
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