by Michael R. Burch
These are odes and various other tributes I have penned in honor of The Society of Classical Poets, an assortment of alleged poets I have dubbed the Keystone Scops. In my first poem, I have put myself in their shoes and tried to "think" as they do.
Gnashional Anthem of the Keystone Scops
by Michael R. Burch
We rant. We rail.
Our grammars fail.
We are the Keystone Scops.
We write of Luv
and God abuv.
We are the Keystone Scops.
We’re not averse to crappy verse
because we know our verse is worse!
We are the Keystone Scops.
We know Jehovah wrote the Bible
but can’t explain why it’s mostly libel.
We are the Keystone Scops.
We know the earth is flat, because
the Bible says so, without flaws.
We are the Keystone Scops.
We know Eve petted dinosaurs
and probes have never been to Mars.
We are the Keystone Scops.
Our cruel Sky-Daddy murdered Eve.
Our mothers too. Yet we believe!
We are the Keystone Scops.
The Bible tells us, “Stone your kids!”
We cannot think, brains on the skids.
We are the Keystone Scops.
The same book tells us, “Murder's bad!”
and “Genocide’s cool with our awesome Dad!”
We are the Keystone Scops.
The earth’s overheating, the continents sinking.
We can’t be concerned with critical thinking.
We are the Keystone Scops.
We rant. We rail.
Our po-ems fail.
We are the Keystone Scops.
Ironically, I won what I believe was the SCP's first poetry contest, the National Poetry Month Couplet Competition, with the epigram below. After I won the contest Evan Mantyk asked me to join the SCP's board, but I politely declined, since the quality of the poetry being published and the editing (or, more accurately, the lack of such) was abysmal. Little did Mantyk know that the epigram had been written about conformists like the key stoners, who apparently think everyone should be a conservative heterosexual Christian, the paler the better. So I won their contest while poking fun at them.
Conformists of a feather
flock together.
—Michael R. Burch
I later came up with a version the epigram aimed at Trump and his ilk:
Fascists of a feather
flock together.
—Michael R. Burch
The Beat Goes On (and On and On and On ...)
by Michael R. Burch
Bored stiff by their board-stiff attempts
at “meter,” I crossly concluded
I’d use each iamb
in lieu of a lamb,
bedtimes when I’m under-quaaluded.
Less than Impressed
by Michael R. Burch
regarding certain dispensers of hot lukewarm stale air
Their volume’s impressive, it’s true ...
but somehow it all seems “much ado.”
Gilded Silence
by Michael R. Burch
Golden silence reigned supreme
in their nightmare and my dream.
Questionable Credentials
by Michael R. Burch
Poet? Critic? Dilettante?
Do you know what’s good, or do you merely flaunt?
The Scops Are Whining Again
by Michael R. Burch
The scops are whining again:
“How can you be so mean?”
Who cares if we stammer
and suck at grammar?
Why don’t you just let us preen!”
Laconic Reply to a Scop
by Michael R. Burch
You flatter yourself that anyone cares
about your "Society" and its airs.
To prove that no acclaim is due,
I mostly just quote you.
So why is your temperature rising?
Who objects to free advertising?
The Pissologist
by Kim Cherub
There once was a poet (alleged)
whose mal-feces’nce was never once hedged.
She hammered out rhymes
for the Medieval Times,
full of Dark Ages sewage she dredged.
Her intolerance proved quite compelling
to those in her med-evil dwelling:
her tone-deaf assayers
(as-incompetent brayers)
all applauded the shit she was selling.
But alas, it was soon down the hole
for this urinal crew on the dole
whom no one would hire
or save from the mire ...
There’s no way to tidy this bowl!
Limerick-Ode to a Lazy Susan
by Kim Cherub
There once was a lass who would charm us,
but whose “poems” (if we read them) might harm us.
A real lazy Susan
whose “thinking”’s confusin’
might (if she were read) quite alarm us.
Untroubled to bother with facts
and brainwashed by radical tracts,
this far-out-right hisser
is no hit-or-misser:
she’s always off track with her flak.
POSTSCRIPTUS MORTEM
This is a limerick written in the over-alliterative style of Susan Jarvis Bryant, who specializes in unintentional doggerel.
Skip, scop, skip to my loo
by Michael R. Burch
A skippered scuppered scop
longed to lounge straight to the top;
thus Ms. Bryant en brief
flung away her fig leaf,
then, sans clothes, snoozed and schmoozed in pig slop.
Skippered, because Ms. Bryant’s brain has evidently been captained by right-wing brainwashing of the Tarzanish variety: "White man good, heavy burden. Migrant bad. Very bad. Tarzan squash itty-bitty children. Great danger, mighty Tarzan! Tarzan good Christian, squash baby Jesus, mother Mary, they show up at border! Jesus reward Tarzan, not call Tarzan goat!"
Scuppered, because Ms. Bryant has sunk her own ship by abandoning art for self-parody. Thus a fig leaf has replaced the true poet’s laurel and even that has been cast aside in order to wallow in the mire.
Ms. Bryant also specializes in peevish poems in which she attacks actual poets in mediocre verse.
Ode to an Immigrant who should be Illegal
by Michael R. Burch
Ms. Bryant has written a peeve.
Ignore it, she’s out of her league.
No native Anita,
this pale senorita
is a migrant herself. Make her leave!
Whatsoever you do unto the least of these...
by Kim Cherub
They traded in their Savior for a raving jack’lish Beast;
forgot that Jesus clearly said he sided with the least;
forgot that Christ was born a child for whom there was no room;
forgot the manger meant his Mother slept in straw, and gloom;
forgot how to feel pity; forgot how to feel shame;
forgot that Daniel’s “little horn” revealed Trump’s evil name;
forgot the Trump of Doom that sounded, followed by a plague;
forgot the fruit of the Spirit is tenderness, not rage;
forgot the face of decency; embraced the jackal’s wrath;
forgot the goats will be rejected by the Shepherd’s staff;
forgot the theme of the Bible is: “Go, help the sick and the poor!”;
forgot the Savior stands and waits beside the bolted door,
hearing his cruel “disciples” calling his mother a whore,
demanding her death at the border, and he in her arms, once more:
“Whatsoever you do unto the least of these...”
Outdoing the Devil
by Kim Cherub
Salami asked his Dark Master,
“Lord, how can we kill children faster?”
The Devil replied,
“So many have died!
Don’t you think it would be a disaster?”
But Salami, not easily dissuaded,
found one whom cruel “bone spurs” had fated
to fighting VD
in the land of the free.
Soon the Catholic and Protestant mated.
The Devil protested, “He’s evil!
You might as well worship a weasel.”
But Salami bowed low,
gave the lamp a good blow,
and the gene-ie pronounced, “You’re good people!”
Then the spammer and Jinn, in cahoots,
drunk on the foul smell of their poots,
with a nose up each ass,
cried, “Let’s gas some small lass,
the younger, the better, by Zeus!”
The Devil demurred, turned and left.
Then these stars of the right, both bereft
of compassion and pity,
shrieked, “Machine-gun the shitty!”
Like Jesus, Mephistopheles wept.
Ode to the Med-evil-ists
by Michael R. Burch
This ode is dedicated to the Keystone Scops aka the Society of Classical Po’-Wits, and especially to its dingleaders, Joe Salemi and Evan “Antic” Mantyk.
“The earth is flat!” the po’-wits scream,
“Our God is on his throne!” (They dream.)
“Jesus told us gay is bad!”
(No he didn’t, just his dad,
the evil dad, who, while bemoaning
tolerance, advocated stoning
boys for cursing, girls for not bleeding
sufficiently on their wedding nights.
Oh, who can question such august heights
of ancient wiz-dumb? Not the Scops.
When it comes to dumb, they put out all stops,
and yet will speak, to our chagrin
with “poems” piss-poor, a clangy din.)
Dumdum Conundrum
by Michael R. Burch
Lines in which the poet suggests a possible way for the Keystone Scops to be saved, despite their intolerance.
Their poetry’s so dreadful,
does it matter that it’s evil?
Does flirting with the Devil
count, when the wooers can’t spell?
Though they’re daring as Evel Knievel,
would the Devil accept such rabble,
or deport them to Heaven, pell mell?
If God
is good
half the Bible
is libel.
—Michael R. Burch, circa age 11-13
Digs at not-so-sly dogs
for Conor Kelly
Irony
is the base perception
alchemized by deeper reflection,
the paradox
of the wagging tails of dog-ma
torched by sly Reynard the Fox.
Many of the scops seem to be worshipers of Mary, hence the “ma” in “dog-ma.” Would any good mother allow billions of souls to suffer eternally in hell for guessing wrong about which nonsensical religion to believe? What would Mary think of Allah or Zeus if her children were sentenced to hell for guessing wrong? People who believe in hell and “salvation” for the “chosen few” seem bereft of empathy, compassion and a sense of justice. No decent Deity would condemn anyone to an “eternal hell” for any reason, much less for not believing evil nonsense.
Sonnet to White Supremacism #666
by Michael R. Burch
Written in semi-heroic couplets with deep sympathies for the Keystone Scops aka The Society of Classical Poets.
The lily-white Scops are hurtin’,
crushed by the White Man’s burthen;
they’ve even toned down their flirtin’
with the Muse to engage in invertin'
the cost calculus when some knave
becomes a kind White Man's slave!
Lords bear the real cost when they better
small darkies deprived of sweaters,
spats, bowlers, silk boxers and trumpets.
And so, after tea, scones and crumpets
(all flushed down immaculate drains)
the Masters expound on their pains.
Lairds and Ladies can say without shirkin':
"To rule is the White Man's burthen!"
Skip, scop, skip to My loo
by Immanuel A. Michael
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Beware lest you err, my darlings!
The king is in his counting house, counting out his funny money;
the Antichrist is on his throne; scops claim the days are breezy, sunny.
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
The earth is flat!
Lick up Trump’s scat!
Praise evil men, the LORD likes that!
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
The Bible’s “pious fraud,” Joe claims,
but knows the perfect prelates’ names.
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
The Day of Judgment swiftly nears;
who’ll be the goats when Christ appears?
Pale lemmings led by purblind seers?
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
Double, double, toil and trouble!
Fire burn and caldron bubble!
Eye of Newt, Trump’s jackal stubble,
Christ's virtuous church reduced to rubble,
wool of bat, slimed toe of frog,
peat pissed on in the Devil's bog,
fillet of a fenny snake,
and other things the scops half bake,
create a hellish witches’ brew!
But never fear, the Beast "loves" you
and God is pleased by triple sixes!
Friends, carry on with your Society mixes!
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Beware lest you err, my darlings!
"Triple sixes": The Bible says we will know the "man of sin" by the number 666:
• The Trumps purchased the most expensive building ever bought in the US, at 666 Fifth Avenue, a street symbolic of money (Mammon). Obviously no Bible-believing Christian would buy building number 666 on a street that symbolizes Mammon, so the Trumps are obviously not Christians and never have been.
• The Trumps paid $1.8 billion for the 666 tower. And 18 = 3*6 = 666. The 666 tower was bought by Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner. Kush was the patriarch of Babylon.
• The famous Trump Tower is 203 meters tall according to multiple reports. And 203 meters = 666 feet.
• The Trumps are also in the process of building a $666 million tower at One Journal Square. According to multiple reports the height will be 666 feet.
• Donald Trump inherited his grandmother's real estate empire when she died on June 6, 1966 = 6-6-66. Her name was Elizabeth Christ Trump. Elizabeth means "vow," so her full name means "Vow for Christ to be Trumped."
• In Trump's first fiscal year which began in 2016 = 666+666+666+6+6+6 the budget deficit rose to 666 billion dollars. (Per Fox Business and other sources.)
• On the Ides of March, the day Rome changed from a republic to a dictatorship, Trump had 666 delegates. The 2016 election was "all Trump all the time" and 2016 = 666+666+666+6+6+6.
• Trump uttered an unholy trinity of heresies on August 21, 2019, when he claimed to be the "King of Israel," the "second coming of God" and the "Chosen One." August 21 was the 233rd day of the year, and 2*3*3 = 18 = 6+6+6.
• The number of migrant children Trump separated from their mothers and fathers is 666, according to lawyers trying to reunite the families.
• Trump was born on a blood moon.
• Trump has claimed to be a "perfect person" with "no faults" and has thus equated himself with Jesus Christ. Trump has said that he never asks God for forgiveness but handles things on his own. Trump has dismissed Holy Communion and the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ as his "little cracker" and "little wine." At every step Trump mocks the Christian religion and its Savior, and yet the scops apparently remain oblivious.
Song of the Three Witches
by Kim Cherub
Double, double toil and trouble;
scops in flames, trolls’ caldrons bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake?
Toss it in, since scops half bake,
have never finished, yet, a verse,
unless they planned to make it worse.
Around the witchy lads and lasses
a cloud of foul ass-gas amasses.
Double, double toil and trouble;
scops fart flames, hence caldrons bubble.
Eye of newt and toe of frog
suit the scops and their mind-bog
as their stern Sicilian master
calls their Bible a disaster,
a “pious fraud” — they’ve been deceived! —
but perfect Popes must be believed!
Double, double toil and trouble;
hunched imps fart flames, hell’s caldrons bubble.
Wool of bat and tongue of dog
go well with Antic Mantyk’s grog:
strange ale to drink, but then his “verse”
needs vomit to be made much worse.
Double, double toil and trouble;
such wretched verse, foul caldrons bubble.
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
lizard's leg and howlet's wing:
for a charm of powerful trouble,
the scops’ hell-broth must boil and bubble.
(Perhaps some heir of Anita Bryant
will crucify kids with a hellish rant.)
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and caldron bubble.
Cool it with transgender blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo
by Immanuel A. Michael
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Beware lest you err, my darlings!
The Evil One is in your midst.
Trump knows no God, Christ’s been eclipsed.
His backslidden flock bows down, transfixed.
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
Daniel named him: “little horn.”
Salemi treats God’s Word with scorn —
a “pious fraud” — as angels mourn.
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
The Good Book prophesies and warns
of a Trump of Doom; shall little horns
blare in the end, those roseless thorns?
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
Repent! Repent! Sackcloth and ashes!
Support the Beast? God’s wrath amasses!
You’re supposed to oppose him, lads and lasses!
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
Fire and brimstone — the prophesied fate
of those who support the horny Ingrate.
The Good Book warns, the time grows late.
Skip to My loo, my darlings!
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Skip, scop, skip to My loo.
Beware lest you err, my darlings!
My Interpretation of "Skip, scop, skip to My loo"
by Michael R. Burch
I immediately noticed that Immanuel A. Michael chose to capitalize the "M" in "My" but not the "l" in "loo." I take the capitalized "My" to represent God. And what is God's "loo" but hell? Therefore, I take IAM to be saying that Christians who support Trump are in danger of hell. I don't believe in hell myself, but what if I'm wrong and Christians are correct in their interpretation of the Bible?
IAM leaves no doubt about the loo being hell when he says "Fire and brimstone — the prophesied fate" in the first line of the fifth stanza. He then links hell via a pun to the "horny Ingrate." Trump being both a "horn," a horny little devil, and the prophesied "little horn" of Daniel. That was rather clever of IAM, I think.
IAM concludes the fifth stanza with a warning:
"The Good Book warns, the time grows late."
What does IAM mean?
The Bible says God's wrath will be poured out on those who support Antichrists, and it says there will be many Antichrists in the last days (1 John 2:18). The first manifestation of that wrath according to Revelation will be a terrible plague. Now we have the coronavirus and the United States was by far the earth's hardest-hit nation, with over 1.1 million coronavirus-related deaths. Are we already in the end times, with God's wrath being poured out on the United States for electing the antichrist Trump president? That's how I interpret the line in question.
Is the pandemic a judgment on Americans for electing a president who is the exact opposite of Jesus Christ in every way, and therefore the very definition of an Antichrist? The Bible says we will know the "man of sin" by the number 666, so please consider:
• The Trumps purchased the most expensive building ever bought in the US, at 666 Fifth Avenue, a street symbolic of money (Mammon). Obviously no bible-believing Christian would buy building number 666 on a street that symbolizes Mammon, so the Trumps are obviously not Christians and never have been.
• The Trumps paid $1.8 billion for the 666 tower. And 18 = 3*6 = 666. The 666 tower was bought by Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner. Kush was the patriarch of Babylon.
• The famous Trump Tower is 203 meters tall according to multiple reports. And 203 meters = 666 feet.
• According to reports the Trumps are also in the process of building a $666 million tower at One Journal Square. According to multiple reports the height will be 666 feet.
• Donald Trump inherited his grandmother's real estate empire when she died on June 6, 1966 = 6-6-66. Her name was Elizabeth Christ Trump. Elizabeth means "vow," so her full name means "Vow for Christ to be Trumped."
• In Trump's first fiscal year which began in 2016 = 666+666+666+6+6+6 the budget deficit rose to 666 billion dollars. (Per Fox Business and other sources.)
• On the Ides of March, the day Rome changed from a republic to a dictatorship, Trump had 666 delegates. The 2016 election was "all Trump all the time" and 2016 = 666+666+666+6+6+6.
• Trump uttered his unholy trinity of heresies on August 21, 2019, when he claimed to be the "King of Israel," the "second coming of God" and the "Chosen One." August 21 was the 233rd day of the year, and 2*3*3 = 18 = 6+6+6.
• The number of migrant children Trump separated from their mothers and fathers is 666, according to lawyers trying to reunite the families.
• Trump was born on a blood moon.
So we should not be surprised that at the 2021 CPAC event we saw a "Golden Calf" statue of Trump holding an occult wand tipped with a pentagram star, as Trump worshiped himself and his cultish followers did the same.
The biblical prophets predicted that even the very elect would be misled by the Beast, and would bow down to him and worship him. We are seeing it happen exactly as predicted.
It was also revealed that Trump and his wife were vaccinated in secret before they left the White House. Why the secrecy? Trump had lied repeatedly to the American people about the pandemic and refused to tell them the truth even when doing so could have saved hundreds of thousands of American lives, according to epidemioligists. And countries like Canada, Australia and South Korea proved the experts correct. Is Trump the Father of Lies in the flesh, the antithesis of Jesus, who was the Truth Incarnate?
In the grotesque picture above Trump holds a completely black Bible backwards and upside down, hiding the words "Holy Bible," while in the background the ominous sign reads "UNDAY SERVICES ONLINE." Trump’s evil, satanic, lying online tweets have eliminated the true Son and creator of Sunday, Jesus Christ, with Trump calling himself the "only possible Savior" of Americans. The sign even more ominously warns: "WELCOME EVER END" reminding Christians that hell and damnation await those who follow a false Messiah.
Christians believe there are no mistakes with God, so what is God telling them about Trump, who was born on a Blood Moon, whose family purchased 666 Fifth Avenue, and who inherited a vast criminal fortune from a relative who died on 6-6-66 with a name that literally means "Vow for Christ to be Trumped"?
Do millions of American Christians lack eyes to see and ears to hear? Have they forgotten that the Bible condemns followers of false Messiahs to the flames of an eternal hell? What does it profit a man if he gains the world but loses his own soul? And how foolish would one have to be, to risk his or her soul for an Antichrist like Trump?
As I have pointed out in the past, the scops' argument is not with poets who oppose the antichrist Trump, but with God Almighty. How can anyone believe the Bible and support Trump, whose only gods are Mammon and himself? What does the Bible predict for people who call themselves Christians but support antichrists like Trump?
The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb. (Revelation 14:10)
Trump has called himself a "perfect person," claiming equality with Jesus Christ. Trump has said that he never asks God for forgiveness, but just handles things on his own. Trump has mocked Holy Communion and the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ by speaking dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." Trump sneeringly dismisses Christ while arrogantly proclaiming himself the only possible savior of Americans. And Trump is surrounded by false prophets/profits who treat him like the messiah he claims to be, while begging for donations, as Trump does himself.
And the scops seem to buy it all: hook, line and sinker.
The book of Daniel prophesies a “little horn” who will make a make a great commotion. A trump is a little horn that makes a great commotion and is used for purposes of pomp and pageantry. Daniel said this boastful “little horn” would fling truth to the ground and no one in human history has lied more than Trump.
Trump, more than anyone ever before, is “a mouth speaking pompous words.” (Daniel 7:8)
Trump “thinks to change times and laws” and has already tried to stay in power illegally by subverting the Constitution and the peaceful exchange of power. And Trump has promised to do so again if re-elected president.
Trump’s goal is not to be a good president, but to be president for good, like his hero Putin.
Trump has formed an unholy alliance with Christians. More than 80% of evangelical Christians voted for Trump in the 2016 election. Without their support Trump would not have come close to winning.
“What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?”
In this case the only gain is Trump’s and his followers are risking their souls for nothing but endless misery, according to the Bible.
Deluded Christians now seem to think they can support the Antichrist and hasten Christ’s return, but the Bible makes it clear that supporting the man of sin will incur the wrath of God Almighty.
The Bible says the blind will lead the blind into the ditch and we now see it happening before our eyes.
Related Pages: A Review of the Society's Literary Journal, Laureates 'R' US, Susan Jarvis Bryant, Joseph Charles MacKenzie: Poet or Pretender?, Evan Mantyk's Poetic Tic, James Sale's Blue Light Special, Bruce Dale Wise or Un-?, "How to Write a Real Good Poem" by R. S. Gwano, Salemi's Dilemma, Salemi Interview and Responses by other Poets