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Donald Trump Couplets, Epigrams and Limericks

Donald Trump has inspired a considerable number of couplets, epigrams and limericks ... not always in the best possible ways ...



A Spur to Action
by J. L. Hoy

You said that when the shootings start,
you'd run right in and do your part.
Well, Donald, if that much is true,
please let me hold the door for you.

Originally published by Light Quarterly



A Dozen Presidential Couplets
by Conor Kelly

(from a presidential press conference)

1.

I won. I won. I won. I won. I won.
I’m having a blast, such good fun!

2.

It’s not chaos here. We’re a great machine
well-lubed, fine-tuned, like a beauty queen. 

3.

We’re just getting started. After four weeks
we’ve done far more than the previous geeks.

4.

We’ve got uranium. I’ve got the switch.
If I can’t lock her up, I’ll nuke the bitch.

5.

My grandkids are Jewish, my friends are black.
You call me racist, I call you a hack.

6.

I’m not a bad dude. The country’s a mess,
due to the last guy, due to the press.

7.

You call it a leak, But it’s a mistake.
The news is fake because the news is fake.

8.

Iran? North Korea? Mexico? Jokes!
Foreign affairs? We’ll take care of it, folks.

9.

My contacts with Russia? That’s just a ruse
made up by reporters who love to abuse.

10.

I let him go because the press conspired.
I’m not always happy saying, “You’re fired.”

11.

I’m not ranting and raving. I’m whole.
The press is honestly out of control.

12.

Sit down. Shut up. Don’t say another word.
You guys from the press pool are so absurd!



Trump Love
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump "love" is truly a curious thing ...
does he care for our kids half as much as his bling?



March for Our Lives
by Michael R. Burch

It's not a moment,
it's a MOVEMENT
created to save
innocents from the grave.



Green Eggs and Spam

by Michael R. Burch

I do not like your racist ways!
I do not like your hate for gays!
I do not like your gaseous rump!
I do not like you, Crotch-Grabber Trump!

I do not like you here or there!
I do not like you anywhere!
I think your brain's in a lifelong slump
And I do not like you, Hate-Baiter Trump!



Signs of The Resistance


Here is a similar poem, taken from a protest sign at a recent anti-Trump women's march ...

I do not like you down my shirt!
I do not like you up my skirt!
I do not like you near my rump!
I do not like you, Mr. Trump!



During my research, I was surprised to learn that Donald Trump is an accomplished poet―a master of modern free verse, odes, sonnets, limericks, villanelles, sestinas, quatrains, heroic couplets and rhyme royal. Indeed, Trump rivals those other great American political poets: George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann! But Donald Trump did not have a poet recite an Inauguration Day Poem. Why? Probably for the same reason that he couldn't get A-list singers and bands to perform at his Inauguration: no self-respecting person with a sense of decency and real American values wants to lend credence to Trump's creepy presidency. Maya Angelou would never endorse Trump, nor would Richard Blanco, Miller Williams or Elizabeth Alexander. But there is a solution, and I am going to provide it. Here, from the hyperactive mouth of Trump Himself, is his Inauguration Day Poem:

It's a Carnage! (Part 1)
by Donald J. Trump


I can't believe what our country is doing!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
It's a carnage!

This guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
It's a carnage!

Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!
It's a carnage!

Make America great again!
Politics is such a disgrace!
Good people don't go into government!
It's a carnage!

Please don't feel so stupid or insecure; it's not your fault!
It's largely a rigged system!
I’m just thinking to myself right now, we should just cancel the election ...
Please say it! Please tell me: "Trump, you're fired!"
It's a carnage!

Obviously, Trump is warning us about the greatest threat currently posed to the United States of America: the man known as Donald John Trump. Somewhere deep within, he knows just how terrible he is, and he is literally begging us to stop him from destroying so many lives. He is asking us to fire himto impeach himbefore it's too late. He points out that politics is a disgrace and good people don't get into government; hence he is admitting that he is a bad person and a disgrace. As for my analysis of his poem as a work of art, it goes without saying that Trump is a much better poet than president. The poem is entirely modern free verse, with a "killer" refrain. The double use of the word "just" in L17 is surely not accidental; Trump is telling us that justice can only be done by canceling the results of the rigged election that made him president when he lost by nearly three million votes, with the help of Russian influence. Trump's inaugural poem communicates considerable emotion; the hallmark of true poetry. I know it scares the hell out of me, and I don't scare easy! Yes, it is a carnage, and yes, we should fire Trump, post haste.



It's a Carnage! (Part II)
by Donald J. Trump


It’s a carnage!
We bleed depletion!
Even our disagreements are in disrepair!

It’s a carnage!
We must flush away the infrastructure of freedom,
banish the Islamic lady to landscapes overseas
ripped up and rusted out by the sad solidarity of our sprawling bombs!

It’s a carnage!
We must send our soldiers like thieves stealing:
because oil was made to be stolen!

It’s a carnage!
When our soldiers lie silent under subsidized tombstones
while the trapped trillions tunnel underground toward unrealized urban streets
long wind-swept by nuclear winter ...

It’s a carnage!



It's a Carnage! (Part III)
by Donald J. Trump


I can't believe what our country is doing!
Qaddafi in Libya is killing thousands of people, nobody knows how bad it is, and we're sitting around!
We have soldiers all over the Middle East, and we're not bringing them in to stop this horrible carnage and that's what it is:
It's a carnage!

You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!
It's a carnage!

Analysis: "Trump has revealed himself to be an incredible hypocrite, because he relentlessly attacked Hillary Clinton for her support of military interventions in the Middle East. But Trump is on the record supporting such interventions, and for the same reasons. Perhaps Clinton was wrong to support the invasion of Libya. Perhaps she was wrong to believe that deposing Qaddafi would be relatively quick and easy, and could be done surgically. But obviously Trump shared those opinions. Hence, he comes off as a liar and a hypocrite."



Stumped and Stomped by Trump
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a candidate, Trump,
whose message rang clear at the stump:
"Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"



Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question

There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
Vexed voters agreed:
"We're a nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?
―Michael R. Burch



Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer

Oh crap, we elected Trump prez!
Now he's Simon: we must do what he sez!
For if anyone thinks
And says his "plan" stinks,
He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez!
―Michael R. Burch



Anxious Moments

Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada's building a wall.)
―Tim James



Trumping the Truth

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, "Media bias!"
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Dangerously Unhinged

This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged.
And, for all the things people have said about me over the years,
I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.
―Glenn Beck



Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Donald’s concept of leadership’s thuggery
And his chief expertise is skullduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Champ or Chump?

There's a boastful campaigner named Trump
who is doing quite well on the stump.
All his insults and gaffes
only get him more laughs.
Will he wind up a champ or a chump?
—Richard Stoll Armstrong



An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the "clown car" and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



No Star

Trump, you're no "star."
Putin made you an American Czar.
Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen,
pretty soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen.
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"



No Reaction

"I have no reaction.
The mayor's living on a cot,
and I hope the President
has a good day of golf."

This was the response of Russel Honoré, the retired general appointed by President Bush to take over the federal response to Katrina in 2005, to Trump's tweets about hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico and his attacks on San Juan's mayor after she pointed out that it was not a "good news story" because her people were suffering and dying.



Aftermath

Carmen Yulín Cruz is a hero.
Trump is a zero.
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"



Predators of a feather
flock together.
—Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"



How the Fourth Reich Ramped Up

Trump prepped his pale Deplorables:
"You're easy marks and scorables!
Now when I bray
click heels, obey,
and I'll soon promote you to Horribles!"
―Michael R. Burch



Trump's Donor Song

(lines written after it became apparent that Trump is not
"draining the swamp" but stocking it with his crocodilian
donors and political piranha)

christmas is coming, the Trumpster's purse is flat:
please put a Billion in the Fat Cat's hat!
if you haven't got a Billion, a Hundred Mil will do.
if you haven't got a Hundred Mil, the yoke's on you!
―Michael R. Burch



Alt-Right White Christmas

Trump's dreaming of a White Christmas,
just like the ones he used to know
when black renters groveled
or lived in hovels
while he laughed and shouted Ho-Ho-Ho!
―Michael R. Burch



Trumped

Trump
Is a chump,

He’s an
Orange Heffalump.

His hair?
Made of batter.

His brain?
Fecal matter.

His “plans”?
A disaster.

His “position”?
Your Master!
―Michael R. Burch



Fool's Gold

THE DONALD has won (so we're told).
If it's true, worthless swampland's been sold!
But friends who were the buyers?
Poor folks who trust liars
and pay through the nose for fool's gold.
―Michael R. Burch



Trumping Tots

Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he shrieks, "Ban dark kids!"
Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?
—Michael R. Burch



Be Careful What We Wish For

Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he’s gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.

In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: "Clinton v. Loon!"
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could "Trump" Gore,
Odds are strong we'd (s)elect this buffoon.
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



I know, it seems outrageous,
But it’s getting a lot of attention
On some very respectable Web pages —
Which mainstream media won’t mention:
Donald Trump was not born in Queens,
He was born in the Philippines,
In a hotel in downtown Manila.
Where his hair turned bright vanilla
Due to vitamin deficiencies.
―Garrison Keillor



Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Insults, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Donald Trump Nicknames, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends", Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?, More Donald Trump Jokes, Is Donald Trump a Fascist?, Donald Trump Trivia, Donald Trump's War on Women, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Trump Christmas

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