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The Best Donald Trump Limericks, Slimericks and Nonsense Verse

These are the best limericks, nursery rhymes and nonsense verse that I have been able to find about the strangest of all American politicos, Donald J. Trump, plus a few that I wrote myself during the search. (I call my Trump limericks "slimericks" because they were inspired by a festering orange slime ball.) Like a Bizarro Bozo from an alternate universe, Trump materialized on planet Earth, almost passing for human except for his giveaway yellowish-orange corona of "hair" and his teeny-tiny Martian babyfingers. Now, disguised as a warm-blooded human being, Terminator Trump threatens to destroy the world, as the Putz putts away on his "working" golf vacations while America goes down in coronavirus flames. And even the Dr. Strangelove screenwriters couldn't have foreseen someone as moronic as Trump being in charge of the nuclear codes!

You are welcome to share my Trump "slimericks" for noncommercial purposes, but please credit me as the author. You can do that easily by copying the credit line beneath the title of the poem in question.—Michael R. Burch



The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump's bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the man's wigging out, so beware!



Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
Vexed voters agreed:
"We're a nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?



Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Oh crap, we elected Trump prez!
Now he's Simon: please do what he sez!
'Cause if anyone thinks
And says his "plan" stinks,
He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez!



Stumped and Stomped by Trump
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a candidate, Trump,
whose message rang clear at the stump:
"Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"



The Undeterred Lord of the Horde
by Michael R. Burch

A candidate (widely deplored)
chortled, “They’ll still make me Lord!
Although I’m a liah
they’ll make me Messiah
and I’ll control the dull minds of the Horde!”



Trump’s Trumpet: Trumped Up or Trumped?
by Michael R. Burch

Our president’s sex life—atrocious!
His “pieces of ass”? Braggadocios!
His tool though? Immense!
Or perhaps just pretense,
since Stormy declared “hocus-pocus!”



Why does Melania flee
Trump’s unthreatening wee-wee?
It looks like a cauliflower
and its taste is sour.
—Michael R. Burch



An Aging and Increasingly Senile Trump’s Saddest Tweet to Date
by Michael R. Burch

I’ve gotten all out of kilter.
My erstwhile yuge tool is a wilter!
I now sleep in bed.
Few hairs on my head.
Inhibitions? I now have no filter!



Trump's Catches
by Michael R. Burch

Trump comes with a few grotesque catches:
He likes to grope unoffered snatches;
He loves to ICE kids;
His brain’s on the skids;
And then there’s the coups the fiend hatches.



Trump’s Golden Rule (I)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is the victim of leaks!
Golden showers are not things he seeks!
Though he dearly loves soaking
the women he’s groping,
get real, 'cause he pees ON the meek!



Trump’s Golden Rule (II)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is the victim of leaks!
Golden showers are not things he seeks!
Though he dearly loves pissing
on the women he’s dissing,
we all know he pees ON the meek!



Jim Crow Pie
by Michael R. Burch

There onst wus a prez who et crow,
which is sorta like blackbird, yuh know,
but bein’ a racist
an’ surely the basest,
he basted the beast with white dough!



PAC Man I
by Michael R. Burch

The Donald’s uniquely refined,
for, when threatened with being confined,
as the hammer comes down,
his PAC’s noses (brown)
emerge, and he’s praised, wined and dined.



PAC Man II
by Michael R. Burch

The Donald’s uniquely refined,
for, although he’s been frequently fined,
he will say, “I don’t mind,
because, as you’ll find,
I pass all my tabs to the blind!”



Trump Dump
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a con man named Trump
who just loved to take dumps at the stump.
“What use is the truth?”
he cried, with real ruth,
“Just come kiss my fat orange rump!”



Limerick-Ode to a Much-Eaten Ass
by Michael R. Burch

There wonst wus a president, Trump,
whose greatest ass (et) wus his rump.
It wus padded ’n’ shiny,
that great orange hiney,
but to drain it we’d need a sump pump!

Interpretation: In this alleged "ode" a southern member of the Trump cult complains that Trump's ass produces so much shit that his legions of ass-kissers can't hope to drain it and need mechanical ass-istance.



Humpty Trumpty
by Michael R. Burch

Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Now all the Grand Wizards
and Faux PR men
Can never put Trumpty together again.



Is Trump the ANTICHRIST? When the Hebrew prophets spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)



When your gaze is a menacing stare,
And your small, piggy eyes seem to glare,
And your mouth is agape―
No, you’re not a Great Ape,
Just the POTUS they’re calling “Mein Herr”.
―Brian Allgar



World leaders continue to stare
At the man with the ludicrous hair:
They find it bewild'rin'
That refugee children
Give Trump such a pants-wetting scare.
―Will T. Laughlin




Trumping the Truth

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, "Media bias!"
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Anxious Moments

Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada's building a wall.)
―Tim James



The Stable Genius
by Jim McLeod

A president famed for his spite
Tweeted "I am outstandingly bright.
I'd be perfectly able
To muck out any stable
Because I am a genius at shite!

NOTE: The limerick above won the fifth annual "Bring your Limericks to Limerick" contest, sponsored by the Limerick Writers' Centre. We found the winner's name ironic, since Trump's mother was a MacLeod from Scotland's Outer Hebrides!



Viral Donald
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is coronaviral:
his brain's in a downward spiral.
That pale nimbus of hair
proves there's nothing up there
but an empty skull, fluff and denial.



Roses are red,
Daffodils are yellow,
But not half as daffy
As that taffy-colored fellow!
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"



15 Seconds
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Our president’s sex life—atrocious!
His "briefings"—bizarre hocus-pocus!
Politics—a shell game!
My brief moment of fame
flashed by before Oprah could notice!



What will the price of a Trump presidency be, really? Will Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting 11 million people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers and fathers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler and Hair Furor are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?



This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged. And, for all the things people have said about me over the years, I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.―Glenn Beck



Drainage
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The Donald is clearly insane:
his ravings bizarre and inane.
The wildest "fake news"
is the "news" that he spews
as our healthcare glug-glugs down the drain.



How the Fourth Reich Ramped Up
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump prepped his pale Deplorables:
"You're easy marks and scorables!
Now when I bray
genuflect & obey,
and I'll soon promote you to Horribles!"



Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Donald’s concept of leadership’s thuggery
And his chief expertise is skullduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Bunko
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Agent Orange is full of bunk:
Tiny-fingered, he claims a big "trunk."
And his "platform"? Oh my,
I think we'd all die!
And he can't even claim he was drunk!

NOTE: Donald Trump claims that he doesn't drink alcohol, except when he partakes of Holy Communion. However, Trump insulted the body and blood of Jesus Christ when he spoke dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." He claims to be a Christian, but also said that he never asks God for forgiveness! Is he punch drunk or just pulling our legs about being a Christian?



De-Bunko
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There's something I'd like to debunk:
the GOP's not in a "funk."
The Donald, by choice,
is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who's sane, or we're sunk!



Champ or Chump?

There's a boastful campaigner named Trump
who is doing quite well on the stump.
All his insults and gaffes
only get him more laughs.
Will he wind up a champ or a chump?
—Richard Stoll Armstrong



Fool's Gold
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

THE DONALD has won (so we're told).
If it's true, worthless swampland's been sold!
But then who were the buyers?
Lamb-like herds who trust liars
and pay through the nose for fool's gold.



Fooling Around
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
cried, “Clinton Clown cheats with his yo-yo!
He plays fast and loose!
It’s clearly abuse!
Whereas broads love to bounce on my pogo!”

BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: “So you treat women with respect?” Trump answered honestly: “No, I can’t say that either.” And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."



An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the "clown car" and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Trumping Tots
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he shrieks, "Ban all dark kids!"
Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?



Trump Explains Why His Hair Looks Like Shit: It's Been Bleached By Drool
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

"Although my hands are quite tiny,
I have an enormous hiney;
so I stick my head in,
predicting I’ll win,
while everyone kisses it shiny!"



Be Careful What We Wish For

Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he’s gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.

In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: "Clinton v. Loon!"
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could "Trump" Gore,
Odds are strong we'd (s)elect this buffoon.
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Trump the Game Plan
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a huckster named Trump
who liked to be kissed on the rump.
He promised awed voters
if they'd be his promoters,
he'd magically fix up their dump.

Now the voters were dreaming of Ronald
and hoping they'd found him in Donald.
And so, lightly "thinking"
after much heavy drinking,
they put out, as if they'd been fondled.

But once he'd secured the election
Trump found his fans cause for dejection. 
"I only love tens!"
he complained to his "friends,"
then deported them: black, white and Mexican.

Thus Donald fulfilled his sworn duties
by ridding the land of non-cuties.
Once the plain Janes were gone
he could smile on his throne
surrounded by imported beauties!



I know, it seems outrageous,
But it’s getting a lot of attention
On some very respectable Web pages —
Which mainstream media won’t mention:
Donald Trump was not born in Queens,
He was born in the Philippines,
In a hotel in downtown Manila.
Where his hair turned bright vanilla
Due to vitamin deficiencies.
―Garrison Keillor (not exactly a limerick, but close enough for our purposes here)



Egad,
what a cad;
the Orange Heffalump
scowls when he sees
a baby bump!
Like the Grinch who stole Christmas
(but every day of the year),
The Donald eyes happy
mothers with a leer!
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

NOTE: Donald Trump actually body-shamed Kim Kardashian for having a baby bump, saying that she was "large" and ought to watch the kind of clothes she wears in public!



Donald Trump Campaign Songs

Christmas is coming!
Tycoons are getting fat!
TRUMP says, "Take a piss
in some beggar's hat!
Beat him to a pulp
then run him out of town
if he dares object to
the MAN with the GOLDEN CROWN.
And if you're not a Christian,
nothing else will do!
But if you are like TRUMP,
then may TRUMP bless you!
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

SANTA CLAWS is coming to town!
He sees Spics when they're sleeping
and Blacks when they're awake!
He knows that Whites are always good,
but dark skin is God's mistake.
So if you're some poor child
with slightly darker skin,
BIG BROTHER will be WATCHING
blacks, Mexicans, Syrians!"
―by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"


Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Nursery Rhymes, The Best Donald Trump Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Insults, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Donald Trump Nicknames, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends", Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?, More Donald Trump Jokes, Is Donald Trump a Fascist?, Donald Trump Trivia, Donald Trump's War on Women, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Poetry, Trump Christmas, The Best Donald Trump Epigrams

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