The HyperTexts

Donald Trump Poetry: the Best Poems of Donald J. Trump
Donald Trump Inaugural Poem (apologies to Robert Frost)
March for Our Lives Poetry
Donald Trump Valentine Poems
Joe Biden Poems

Did you know that Donald Trump is not only a poet, but a major poet, a penner of sublime verse?

Like the Bard of Avon, The Donald has coined new words and terms. The American Dialect Society named "fake news" its 2017 Word of the Year, pointing out that Trump helped change the definition of "fake news" from "disinformation presented as news" to "actual news that is claimed to be untrue." Meanwhile "alternative facts" was named the Euphemism of the Year and the ever-mysterious "covfefe" was named the WTF Word of the Year. So Trump won the word coinage Triple Crown! He's the Secretariat of BS! But Trump has gone vastly beyond Shakespeare by creating his own language, Trumpspeak. Ugly fences are "beautiful" walls. Nazis are "good people." Separating dark-skinned children from their mothers is the Christian thing to do. Prisoners of war are "not heroes" because they got caught. The only real hero is Cadet Bone Spurs, who avoided the Vietnam War by claiming to have the rich kids' disease. "Make America great again" contains a misspelling (it should be "grate"). But Trump has all the "best words."

You will find all Trump's best poems on this page, including his famous inaugural poem "It's a Carnage!" We also have some of his best Valentine's Day poems. And of course The Donald also inspires poetry. For example:



A Spur to Action
by J. L. Hoy

You said that when the shootings start,
you'd run right in and do your part.
Well, Donald, if that much is true,
please let me hold the door for you.

Originally published by LIGHT



What REALLY Happened
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump lied and lied and lied.
Americans died and died and died.



The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump's bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the man's wigging out, so beware!



Roses are red,
Daffodils are yellow,
But not half as daffy
As that taffy-colored fellow!
Michael R. Burch



Quite Con-trary
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trumpy, Trumpy,
bald and lumpy,
how does your Rose Garden grow?
"With venom and spleen
and everything mean,
and my gasket about to blow!"

Trumpy, Trumpy,
obese and dumpy,
why are your polls so low?
"I claimed I was Cyrus
at war with a virus
but lost every time to the miniscule foe!"



Not-So-Heroic Couplets
by Donald Trump
care of Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

To outfox the pox:
kill yourself first, with Clorox!

And since death is the goal,
mainline Lysol!

No vaccine?
Just chug Mr. Clean!

Is a cure out of reach?
Fumigate your lungs, with bleach!

To immunize your thorax,
destroy it with Borax!

To immunize your bride,
drown her in Opti-cide!

To end all future gridlocks,
gargle with Vaprox!

Now, quick, down the Drain-o
with old Insane-o NoBrain-o!



Trump's Coronavirus Call to Arms
by Anaïs Vionet

Mar-a-Lago's in disorder—and deeply in debt.
The virus is draining my palace—but it's not dead yet.
My buddies at Fox—those sweet purveyors of lies—
will stir up the gullible and suggest they rise
to claim their birthright—to die for a cause!
(They'll have to invent one because I'm at a loss.)
But get back out there spending—get back on the roads.
Let's give this disease the deaths that it's owed.
My money's more important than peasants and fools.
The doctors and experts can't make all the rules!
Follow me quickly—oh reason bereft—
yes, follow me boldly and meet my friend—DEATH.

Anaïs Vionet is a sixteen-year-old high school student with a very promising future, if Trump doesn't manage to kill us all with sheer stupidity. This is her first publication.



When Did
by Anaïs Vionet

When did "people deserve to live" become a controversial thought?
When did wearing a mask to protect your health become so overwrought?
When did the idea of protecting your kids become an afterthought?
When did counting the dead become a Presidential political plot?
We're so far down the Trump-rabbit-hole that common sense is skewed.
We really have to get rid of that FU#KH3@D—if you'll excuse me being rude.



Trump's Hoax
by Anaïs Vionet

The virus will fade in the summer heat.
It's Trump's hoax folks—it's a joke folks.

Drink your Lysol and get back on the street.
Look, it's a hoax folks—it's a joke folks.

We can trade those masks in for some caskets.
Yes, it's a hoax folks—you'll be ok folks.

Send your kids to school—some will die, but that's cool.
This is no hoax folks—some kids will die folks.

Or they'll bring the virus right back to you.
Safety's a joke folks—do the republican choke folks.

The average bill for ICU care—is 20K folks.
Chump change folks—just pay the man, folks.

One Hundred and Fifty Thousand dead.
But vote for Trump folks—if you're alive then folks.



Rallying the Dupes
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

after Anaïs Vionet

Houston, we have a problem:
the virus is multiplying;
meanwhile, our Demander-in-Chief
keeps lying, lying, lying.

Houston, we have a problem:
the Astros are now the Nau(gh)ts,
but Tweety will still pack the ’Dome
untroubled by actual thoughts.

Originally published by LIGHT



Piecemeal, a Coronavirus poem
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

And so it begins—the ending.
The narrowing veins, the soft tissues rending.
Your final solution is pending.
(Soon a portly & pale Piggy-Wiggy
will discount your death as "no biggie.")



Viral Donald (I)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is coronaviral:
his brain's in a downward spiral.
That pale nimbus of hair
proves there's nothing up there
but an empty skull, fluff and denial.



Viral Donald (II)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Why didn't Herr Trump, the POTUS,
protect us from the Coronavirus?
That weird orange corona of hair's an alarm:
Trump is the Virus in Human Form!



Trump's Coronavirus Tercet Tweet

I accept no responsibility!
The buck stops with everybody
but me! WHEEEeee!
―Donald J. Trump



The Final Episode of Celebrity Apprentice President
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald
said to The Donald,
"Just between us clowns, your polls are too low!"
So The Donald thought hard
then said to his pard,
"It's because I'm a martyr. The world must know!"
Thus Eric Trump jumped
from his obese Trump rump
to declare the virus a "hoax." (End of show.)



modern Midas
by michael r. burch

they say nothing human's alive
yet the Hermit survived:

the last of His kind,
clean out of His mind.

they say He relentlessly washes His fingers,
as dainty as ever, yet the smell of death lingers.

they say it sets off His corona of hair
when He blanches with fear in his Mansion Faire.

they say He still spritzes each strand into place
though there's no one to see in that hellish place.

they say there's a moral in what He's become
as He fondles gold trinkets and cradles His john.



Grime Wave
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is hard on crime ...
unless it's his own grime.



Trump Love
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump "love" is truly a curious thing ...
does he care for our kids half as much as his bling?



Raw Spewage (I)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump
is a chump
who talks through his rump;
he's a political sump pump!



Stumped and Stomped by Trump
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a candidate, Trump,
whose message rang clear at the stump:
"Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"



Humpty Trumpty
by Michael R. Burch

Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Now all the Grand Wizards
and Faux PR men
Can never put Trumpty together again.



Green Eggs and Spam

by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

I do not like your racist ways!
I do not like your hate for gays!
I do not like your gaseous rump!
I do not like you, Crotch-Grabber Trump!

I do not like you here or there!
I do not like you anywhere!
Your brain's been trapped in a lifelong slump
And I do not like you, Hate-Baiter Trump!



Signs of The Resistance


Here's a similar poem, taken from a protest sign at an anti-Trump women's march ...

I do not like you down my shirt!
I do not like you up my skirt!
I do not like you near my rump!
I do not like you, Mr. Trump!



Trump even inspired World Cup star Megan Rapinoe to wax poetic! This is her update of "Hussle & Motivate" by Nipsey Hussle. We believe the lyrics were slightly altered by Megan Rapinoe ...

Ain't really trip on the credit,
I just paid all of my dues,
I just respected the game.
Now my name
all in the news!
Trippin' on all of my moves,
quote me on this,
got a lot more to prove!
@nipseyhussle #tmc #cheesin @mrapinoe



During my research, I was surprised to learn that Donald Trump is an accomplished poet―a master of modern free verse, odes, sonnets, limericks, villanelles, sestinas, quatrains, heroic couplets and rhyme royal. Indeed, Trump rivals those other great American political poets: George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann! But Donald Trump did not have a poet recite an Inauguration Day Poem. Why? Probably for the same reason that he couldn't get A-list singers and bands to perform at his Inauguration: no self-respecting person with a sense of decency and real American values wants to lend credence to Trump's creepy presidency. Maya Angelou would never endorse Trump, nor would Richard Blanco, Miller Williams or Elizabeth Alexander. But there is a solution, and I am going to provide it. Here, from the hyperactive mouth of Trump Himself, is his Inauguration Day Poem:

It's a Carnage! (Part I)
by Donald J. Trump


I can't believe what our country is doing!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
It's a carnage!
This guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
It's a carnage!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!
It's a carnage!
Make America great again!
Politics is such a disgrace!
Good people don't go into government!
It's a carnage!
Please don't feel so stupid or insecure; it's not your fault!
It's largely a rigged system!
I'm just thinking to myself right now, we should just cancel the election ...
Please say it! Please tell me: "Trump, you're fired!"
It's a carnage!

Obviously, Trump is warning us about the greatest threat currently posed to the United States of America: the man known as Donald John Trump. Somewhere deep within, he knows just how terrible he is, and he is literally begging us to stop him from destroying so many lives. He is asking us to fire himto impeach himbefore it's too late. He points out that politics is a disgrace and good people don't get into government; hence he is admitting that he is a bad person and a disgrace. As for my analysis of his poem as a work of art, it goes without saying that Trump is a much better poet than president. The poem is entirely modern free verse, with a "killer" refrain. The double use of the word "just" in L17 is surely not accidental; Trump is telling us that justice can only be done by canceling the results of the rigged election that made him president when he lost by nearly three million votes, with the help of Russian influence. Trump's inaugural poem communicates considerable emotion; the hallmark of true poetry. I know it scares the hell out of me, and I don't scare easy! Yes, it is a carnage, and yes, we should fire Trump, post haste.

It's a Carnage! (Part II)
by Donald J. Trump


It's a carnage!
We bleed depletion!
Even our disagreements are in disrepair!
It's a carnage!
We must flush away the infrastructure of freedom,
banish the Islamic lady to landscapes overseas
ripped up and rusted out by the sad solidarity of our sprawling bombs!
It's a carnage!
We must send our soldiers like thieves stealing:
because oil was made to be stolen!
It's a carnage!
When our soldiers lie silent under subsidized tombstones
while the trapped trillions tunnel underground toward unrealized urban streets
long wind-swept by nuclear winter ...
It's a carnage!

It's a Carnage! (Part III)
by Donald J. Trump


I can't believe what our country is doing!
Qaddafi in Libya is killing thousands of people, nobody knows how bad it is, and we're sitting around!
We have soldiers all over the Middle East, and we're not bringing them in to stop this horrible carnage and that's what it is: It's a carnage!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!

Analysis: "Trump has revealed himself to be an incredible hypocrite, because he relentlessly attacked Hillary Clinton for her support of military interventions in the Middle East. But Trump is on the record supporting such interventions, and for the same reasons. Perhaps Clinton was wrong to support the invasion of Libya. Perhaps she was wrong to believe that deposing Qaddafi would be relatively quick and easy, and could be done surgically. But obviously Trump shared those opinions. Hence, he comes off as a liar and a hypocrite."

If the subject interests you, to see how Trump fulfills Biblical prophecies, just click the hyperlink.



Mother of Cowards
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

So unlike the brazen giant of Greek fame
With conquering limbs astride from land to land,
Spread-eagled, showering gold, a strumpet stands:
A much-used trollop with a torch, whose flame
Has long since been extinguished. And her name?
"Mother of Cowards!" From her enervate hand
Soft ash descends. Her furtive eyes demand
Allegiance to her Pimp's repulsive game.

"Keep, ancient lands, your wretched poor!" cries she
With scarlet lips. "Give me your hale, your whole,
Your huddled tycoons, yearning to be pleased!
The wretched refuse of your toilet hole?
Oh, never send one unwashed child to me!
I await Trump's pleasure by the gilded bowl!"



Free-Verse Sonnet to Gun Control
by Donald J. Trump

We have to look very strongly at no-fly lists!

We have to bring back law and order!

We had to take the guns away
from these people that have them
and that are bad people
that shouldn't have them!

These are people
that are bad people!
That shouldn't be!

Analysis by the NRA: So far, complete and utter silence! And of course Trump didn't keep his promises. Rather, the NRA contributed $30 million to helping Trump win the 2016 presidential election, and Trump signed a bill blocking Obama-era background checks on guns for people with mental illnesses. The Obama rule would have prevented an estimated 75,000 people with mental disorders from being able to purchase firearms. It was crafted as part of Obama's efforts to strengthen the federal background check system in the wake of the 2012 massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. Trump explained his position on gun control by saying: "It's no good, it's no fair, and they're not going to screw around with the Second Amendment." But it's hard to imagine that the Founding Fathers would have thought it wise to let mentally ill people buy assault weapons. The massacre of 17 students and staff in Parkland, Florida on Valentine's Day in 2018 is a case in point. The murderer had a history of mental illness and was under the legal age to buy a handgun. But he was able to legally buy an AR-15 assault weapon. And Trump didn't do anything he had promised to keep students from being shot to pieces. As Trump said in his most famous poem, "It's a carnage!"



Free-Verse Ode to Abortion
by Donald J. Trump

Is abortion early in a pregnancy murder?

"What I am saying is this:
With caveats―life of the mother, incest, rape.
That's where I stand.
So, I'm pro-life, but with the caveats.
You have to have it with the caveats."

What if a pregnancy happens outside those caveats―is abortion murder then?

"It depends."

Analysis by pro-life evangelical Christians: Exit polls reveal that four out of five, or 80% of evangelical Christians, voted for Donald Trump.



It's Incredible!
an Ode to Kim Jong-un
by Donald J. Trump

If you look at North Korea—this guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
And you have to give him credit!
How many young guys—he was like 26 or 25 when his father died—take over these tough generals,
and all of a sudden—you know, it's pretty amazing when you think of it!
How does he do that?
Even though it is a culture and it's a cultural thing, he goes in, he takes over, and he's the boss!
It's incredible!
He wiped out the uncle!
He wiped out this one, that one!
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
Because he really does have missiles!
And he really does have nukes!
It's INCREDIBLE!

Analysis by Michael R. Burch: Trump's word choices seem significant: "credit," "amazing," "incredible." He even manages to make "maniac" sound like a good thing!



He Did That So Good!
an Ode to Saddam Hussein
by Donald J. Trump

He was a bad guy—really bad guy.
But you know what he did well?
He killed terrorists!
He did that so good!
They didn't read them the rights!
They didn't talk!
They were terrorists!
Over!

Analysis by Jake Sullivan, a foreign policy expert: "Trump's praise for brutal strongmen seemingly knows no bounds ... Trump yet again lauded Saddam Hussein as a great killer of terrorists, noting with approval that he never bothered to read anyone their rights."



The Vicious Ones
by Donald J. Trump

I was attacked viciously
By those women!
Of course, it's very hard for them
To attack me on looks,
Because I'm so good looking!
But I was attacked very viciously
By those women.

Analysis by American voters: "Ho-hum! What do we care if Trump attacks women, then shames and blames his victims? Ho-hum!"



Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
Vexed voters agreed:
"We're a nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?



Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Oh crap, we elected Trump prez!
Now he's Simon: we must do what he sez!
For if anyone thinks
And says his "plan" stinks,
He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez!



White as a Sheet
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump had a real Twitter Scare
then rushed off to fret, vent and share:
"How dare Bernie quote
what I just said and wrote?
Like Megyn he's mean, cruel, unfair!"



Tangled Webs
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Oh, what tangled webs they weave
when Trump and his toupée seek to deceive!

According to Trump, it is "very legal" and "very cool" to lie through his teeth to the American public, Congress and the FBI. While campaigning and since being elected president, Trump has repeatedly said things like: "I have no deals with Russia. I have no dealings with Russia. I have no deals that could happen in Russia, because we've stayed away. What do I know about Russia? I have nothing to do with Russia. I promise you I've never made ... I don't have any deals with Russia. I had Miss Universe there a couple of years ago other than that no. I had nothing to do [with Russia]." Like most liars, Trump can't keep his story straight. In reality, he and his family were secretly meeting with Russian agents, making backdoor deals, rigging the 2016 presidential election, and jeopardizing national security by compromising themselves.



Anxious Moments

Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada's building a wall.)
―Tim James



What would the price of a Trump presidency be, really? Would Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting 11 million people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers and fathers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler and Hair Furor are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?



Trumping the Truth

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there's NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, "Media bias!"
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Dangerously Unhinged

This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged.
And, for all the things people have said about me over the years,
I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.
―Glenn Beck



Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Donald's concept of leadership's thuggery
And his chief expertise is skullduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



Champ or Chump?

There's a boastful campaigner named Trump
who is doing quite well on the stump.
All his insults and gaffes
only get him more laughs.
Will he wind up a champ or a chump?
—Richard Stoll Armstrong



An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Dear Donald, I'm begging you: Run!
Join the "clown car" and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



No Star
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump, you're no "star."
Putin made you an American Czar.
Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen,
pretty soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen.



Raw Spewage (II)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump
is a chump
who talks through his rump;
he's a garbage dump
in need of a sump pump!



Twinkle Wrinkles
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Twinkle, twinkle, little "star" ...
Trump, how we wished you blazed                 afar!

Twinkle, twinkle, Groper-Cupid ...
How we've wished you weren't so stupid!

Twinkle, twinkle, Man-Baby "president" ...
In truth you're just the White House resident.



Americans have the opportunity
to greatly improve their community
with votes a-plenty
in 2020.
Dump
Trump!
Michael R. Burch



Joe Biden, Joe Biden,
our future is ridin'
on you defeatin'
and hidin'
that cancerous lump
called Trump.
Michael R. Burch



The Perfect Storm
by Michael R. Burch

Stormy Daniels
is Trump's worst nightmare—
a truthteller,
a woman without fear,
full of spunk,
unimpressed by his junk,
that he can't debunk.


No Reaction

"I have no reaction.
The mayor's living on a cot,
and I hope the President
has a good day of golf."

This was the response of Russel Honoré, the retired general appointed by President Bush to take over the federal response to Katrina in 2005, to Trump's tweets about hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico and his attacks on San Juan's mayor after she pointed out that it was not a "good news story" because her people were suffering and dying.



Aftermath
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Carmen Yulín Cruz is a hero.
Donald Trump is a zero.



15 Seconds
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Our president's sex life—atrocious!
His "briefings"—bizarre hocus-pocus!
Politics—a shell game!
My brief moment of fame
flashed by before Oprah could notice!



March for Our Lives
by Michael R. Burch

It's not a moment,
it's a MOVEMENT
created to save
innocents from the grave.



Tweety and Pootie
sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
First comes love,
second comes marriage,
third barechested weasels in a White House carriage!
Michael R. Burch



Three Trump Valentine's Day Poems

1.

If you're tall, blonde and pretty,
I'll grab your kitty.
If you're dark-skinned and short,
It's time to deport!

2.

I'll secure your southern border tonight,
as long as you're wearing white!

3.

If you're not
as hot
as my daughter,
beware;
prepare
for the slaughter!



It turns out that Judge Sludge Roy Moore is a poet, just like The Donald!

Judgment Day

You think that God's not angry
that this land is a moral slum?
How much longer will it be
before his judgment comes?
Roy S. Moore, aka "The Moral Slumlord"

Election day, perhaps? God is probably not happy that you paraded around pretending to love and honor the Ten Commandments while plying teenage girls with alcohol and trying to seduce them! What part of "Thou shalt not commit adultery" did you fail to understand―the word "not"?

Why did Trump endorse Roy "Score" Moore when Nostradumbass claimed he "knew" the Sludge Judge couldn't win? ...

Predators of a feather
flock together.
Michael R. Burch



Kneeling Verboten
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Colin Kaepernick took a stand by kneeling;
now Donald Trump is reeling
as the NFL owners he implored
lock hands with the players he deplored.



How the Fourth Reich Ramped Up
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump prepped his pale Deplorables:
"You're easy marks and scorables!
Now when I bray
click your heels, obey,
and I'll soon promote you to Horribles!"



Trump Trumps "We The People"
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump fired Comey
to appoint a homey:
some pawn in his Kamp
with a big rubber stamp.

Out the window flew freedom!
Rights? You don't need 'em!
Like Attilâ the Hun,
Trump answers to no one!

Do you think you have worth?
Trump makes you his serf.
He's your Lord and your Master:
you elected DISASTER.



Pass the Hat for the Fat Cat
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

If you're a Fat Cat,
vote for an Autocrat;
otherwise, stick with a Democrat ...
or get ready to pass the hat
for yourself,
doomed by that strange little pixie-fingered orange elf.



Sexual Assaulter-in-Chief
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald Trump Bozo
bopped Bill Clinton Clown on the nose: "Oh,
I'll trump your cigar
with my groping, by far,
when I bounce interns on my Big Pogo!"



Trump's Donor Song
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

(lines written after it became apparent that Trump is not
"draining the swamp" but stocking it with his crocodilian
donors and political piranha)

christmas is coming, the Trumpster's purse is flat:
please put a Billion in the Fat Cat's hat!
if you haven't got a Billion, a Hundred Mil will do.
if you haven't got a Hundred Mil, the yoke's on you!



Alt-Right White Christmas
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump's dreaming of a White Christmas,
just like the ones he used to know
when black renters groveled
or lived in hovels
while he laughed and shouted Ho-Ho-Ho!



Trumped
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump
Is a chump,
He's an
Orange Heffalump.
His hair?
Made of batter.
His brain?
Fecal matter.
His "plans"?
A disaster.
His "position"?
Your Master!



Fool's Gold
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

THE DONALD has won (so we're told).
If it's true, worthless swampland's been sold!
But who were the buyers?
Poor folks who trust liars
and pay through the nose for fool's gold.



Bunko
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Agent Orange is full of bunk:
Tiny-fingered, he claims a big "trunk."
And his "platform"? Oh my,
I think we'd all die!
And he can't even claim he was drunk!

NOTE: Donald Trump claims that he doesn't drink alcohol, except when he partakes of Holy Communion. However, Trump insulted the body and blood of Jesus Christ when he spoke dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." He claims to be a Christian, but also said that he never asks God for forgiveness! Is he punch drunk or just pulling our legs about being a Christian?



De-Bunko
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There's something I'd like to debunk:
the GOP's not in a "funk."
The Donald, by choice,
is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who's sane, or we're sunk!



Fooling Around
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
cried, "Clinton Clown cheats with his yo-yo!
He plays fast and loose!
It's clearly abuse!
Whereas broads love to bounce on my pogo!"

BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: "So you treat women with respect?" Trump answered honestly: "No, I can't say that either." And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."



Trumping Tots
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he shrieks, "Ban dark kids!"
Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?



Trump Explains Why His Hair Looks Like Shit: It's Been Bleached By Drool
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

"Although my hands are quite tiny,
I have an enormous hiney;
so I stick my head in,
predicting I'll win,
while everyone kisses it shiny!"



Be Careful What We Wish For

Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he's gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.

In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: "Clinton v. Loon!"
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could "Trump" Gore,
Odds are strong we'd (s)elect this buffoon.
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane



The Name and Blame Game
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

If you have a slightly offbeat name,
you'll be de-planed, detained, restrained, defamed.
Supremacists know pure white names are best,
so be prepared to prove you're among the Blessed.
(Woe unto those who fail Trump's Litmus Test!)



Trump the Game Plan
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a huckster named Trump
who liked to be kissed on the rump.
He promised awed voters
if they'd be his promoters,
he'd magically fix up their dump.

Now the voters were dreaming of Ronald
and hoping they'd found him in Donald.
And so, lightly "thinking"
after much heavy drinking,
they put out, as if they'd been fondled.

But once he'd secured the election
Trump found his fans cause for dejection. 
"I only love tens!"
he complained to his "friends,"
then deported them: black, white and Mexican.

Thus Donald fulfilled his sworn duties
by ridding the land of non-cuties.
Once the plain Janes were gone
he could smile on his throne
surrounded by imported beauties!



I know, it seems outrageous,
But it's getting a lot of attention
On some very respectable Web pages —
Which mainstream media won't mention:
Donald Trump was not born in Queens,
He was born in the Philippines,
In a hotel in downtown Manila.
Where his hair turned bright vanilla
Due to vitamin deficiencies.
―Garrison Keillor



Egad,
what a cad;
the Orange Heffalump
scowls when he sees
a baby bump!
Like the Grinch who stole Christmas
(but every day of the year),
The Donald eyes happy
mothers with a leer!
Michael R. Burch

NOTE: Donald Trump actually body-shamed Kim Kardashian for having a baby bump, saying that she was "large" and ought to watch the kind of clothes she wears in public!



Donald Trump Campaign Songs

Christmas is coming!
Tycoons are getting fat!
TRUMP says, "Take a piss
in some beggar's hat!
Beat him to a pulp
then run him out of town
if he dares object to
the MAN with the GOLDEN CROWN.
And if you're not a Christian,
nothing else will do!
But if you're just like TRUMP,
then may TRUMP bless you!
Michael R. Burch



SANTA CLAWS is coming to town!
He sees Spics when they're sleeping
and Blacks when they're awake!
He knows that Whites are always good,
but dark skin is God's mistake.
So if you're some poor orphan
with slightly darker skin,
BIG BROTHER will be WATCHING
all blacks and Mexicans!
Michael R. Burch



Check out our newest nickname pages for Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg aka The Notorious R.G.B. and Secretary of Dead-ucation Betsy DeVos aka Cruella DeVile and DeVil DeVos.

Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Epigrams, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Donald Trump Coronavirus Timeline, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Donald Trump Nicknames, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends", Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?, More Donald Trump Jokes, Is Donald Trump a Fascist?, Donald Trump Trivia, Donald Trump's War on Women, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Trump Christmas, The Cosmological Constant: Limericks by Michael R. Burch, Political Poems by Michael R. Burch

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