The HyperTexts

Donald Trump Poetry: the Best Poems of Donald J. Trump
Donald Trump Inaugural Poem (apologies to Robert Frost)
March for Our Lives Poetry
Donald Trump Valentine Poems
Joe Biden Poems
Sidney Powell Poems

Did you know that Donald Trump is not only a poet, but a major poet, a penner of sublime verse?

Like the Bard of Avon, The Donald has coined new words and terms. The American Dialect Society named "fake news" its 2017 Word of the Year, pointing out that Trump helped change the definition of "fake news" from "disinformation presented as news" to "actual news that is claimed to be untrue." Meanwhile "alternative facts" was named the Euphemism of the Year and the ever-mysterious "covfefe" was named the WTF Word of the Year. So Trump won the word coinage Triple Crown! He's the Secretariat of BS! And now Trump has gone vastly beyond Shakespeare by creating his own language, Trumpspeak. Ugly fences are "beautiful" walls. Nazis are "good people." Separating dark-skinned children from their mothers is the Christian thing to do. Prisoners of war are "not heroes" because they got caught. The only real hero is Cadet Bone Spurs, who avoided the Vietnam War by claiming to have the rich kids' disease. "Make America great again" contains a misspelling (it should be "grate"). But Trump brags that he has all the "best words."

You will find Trump's best poems on this page, including his famous inaugural poem "It's a Carnage!" We also have some of Trump's very best Christmas poems and Valentine's Day poems at the bottom of this page if you're looking for something for a special occasion. And of course The Donald inspires poetry. For example:

A Spur to Action
by J. L. Hoy

You said that when the shootings start,
you'd run right in and do your part.
Well, Donald, if that much is true,
please let me hold the door for you.

Originally published by LIGHT

Our awful unlawful “president”
will soon be a jailhouse resident.
—Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

The Ex-Prez Sez
by Michael R. Burch

The prez should be above the law, he sez,
even though he’s no longer prez.

Jim Crow Pie
by Michael R. Burch

There onst wus a prez who et crow,
which is sorta like blackbird, yuh know,
but bein’ a racist
an’ surely the basest,
he basted the beast with white dough!

by Michael R. Burch

The Donald’s uniquely refined,
for, when threatened with being confined,
as the hammer comes down,
his PAC’s noses (brown)
emerge, and he’s praised, wined and dined.

by Michael R. Burch

The Donald’s uniquely refined,
for, although he’s been frequently fined,
he will say, “I don’t mind,
because, as you’ll find,
I pass all my tabs to the blind!”

Apologies to España
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

the reign
in Trump’s brain
falls mainly as mansplain

The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump's bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the man's wigging out, so beware!

Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
Vexed voters agreed:
"We're a nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?

Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Oh crap, we elected Trump prez!
Now he's Simon: we must do what he sez!
For if anyone thinks
And says his "plan" stinks,
He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez!

Viral Donald (I)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is coronaviral:
his brain's in a downward spiral.
That pale nimbus of hair
proves there's nothing up there
but an empty skull, fluff and denial.

Red, White and Yellow
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Roses are red,
Daffodils are yellow,
But not half as daffy
As that taffy-colored fellow!

White as a Sheet
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump had a real Twitter Scare
then rushed off to fret, vent and share:
"How dare Bernie quote
what I just said and wrote?
Like Megyn he's mean, cruel, unfair!"

The Undeterred Lord of the Horde
by Michael R. Burch

A candidate (widely deplored)
exulted, “They’ll still make me Lord!
Although I’m a liah
they’ll make me Messiah
and I’ll control the dull minds of the Horde!”

Poets laud Justice’s
high principles.
Trump just gropes
her raw genitals.
—Michael R. Burch

That tRUMP’s a liar is obvious
to all but the oblivious.
—Michael R. Burch

tRUMP should work for tASS:
they both kiss Putin’s ass.
—Michael R. Burch

The Red State Reaction
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Where the hell are they hidin’
Sleepy Joe Biden?

And how the hell can the bleep
Do so much, in his sleep?

Red State Reject
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

I once was a pessimist
but now I’m more optimistic,
ever since I discovered my fears
were unsupported by any statistic.

The Kraken Cracked
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

She’s singing like a canary.
Who says krakens are scary?

Squidney said the election was hacked,
but when all her lies were unpacked,
the crackpot kraken cracked.

Now, with a small, timid, high-pitched squeal,
The kraken has cut a deal.

Oh, tell it with jubilation:
the kraken is on probation!

Squid on the Skids
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Sidney Powell howled in 2020:
“The Kraken will roar through the land of plenty!”
But she recalled the Terror in 2023
with a slippery, slimy, squid-like plea.

Quite Con-trary
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trumpy, Trumpy,
fat, balding and lumpy,
how does your Rose Garden grow?

"With venom and spleen
and everything mean,
and my gasket about to blow!"

Trumpy, Trumpy,
crude, obese and dumpy,
why are your polls so low?

"I claimed I was Cyrus
at war with a virus
but lost every time to the minuscule foe!"

Not-So-Heroic Couplets
by Donald Trump
care of Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

To outfox the pox:
kill yourself first, with Clorox!

And since death is the goal,
mainline Lysol!

No vaccine?
Just chug Mr. Clean!

Is a cure out of reach?
Fumigate your lungs, with bleach!

To immunize your thorax,
destroy it with Borax!

To immunize your bride,
drown her in Opti-cide!

To end all future gridlocks,
gargle with Vaprox!

Now, quick, down the Drain-o
with old Insane-o NoBrain-o!

Trump lied and lied and lied
while Americans died and died and died.

Trump's Coronavirus Call to Arms
by Anaïs Vionet

Mar-a-Lago's in disorder—and deeply in debt.
The virus is draining my palace—but it's not dead yet.
My buddies at Fox—those sweet purveyors of lies—
will stir up the gullible and suggest they rise
to claim their birthright—to die for a cause!
(They'll have to invent one because I'm at a loss.)
But get back out there spending—get back on the roads.
Let's give this disease the deaths that it's owed.
My money's more important than peasants and fools.
The doctors and experts can't make all the rules!
Follow me quickly—oh reason bereft—
yes, follow me boldly and meet my friend—DEATH.

Anaïs Vionet is a sixteen-year-old high school student with a very promising future, if Trump doesn't manage to kill us all with sheer stupidity. This is her first publication.

When Did
by Anaïs Vionet

When did "people deserve to live" become a controversial thought?
When did wearing a mask to protect your health become so overwrought?
When did the idea of protecting your kids become an afterthought?
When did counting the dead become a Presidential political plot?
We're so far down the Trump-rabbit-hole that common sense is skewed.
We really have to get rid of that FU#KH3@D—if you'll excuse me being rude.

Trump's Hoax
by Anaïs Vionet

The virus will fade in the summer heat.
It's Trump's hoax folks—it's a joke folks.

Drink your Lysol and get back on the street.
Look, it's a hoax folks—it's a joke folks.

We can trade those masks in for some caskets.
Yes, it's a hoax folks—you'll be ok folks.

Send your kids to school—some will die, but that's cool.
This is no hoax folks—some kids will die folks.

Or they'll bring the virus right back to you.
Safety's a joke folks—do the republican choke folks.

The average bill for ICU care—is 20K folks.
Chump change folks—just pay the man, folks.

One Hundred and Fifty Thousand dead.
But vote for Trump folks—if you're alive then folks.

Rallying the Dupes
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

after Anaïs Vionet

Houston, we have a problem:
the virus is multiplying;
meanwhile, our Demander-in-Chief
keeps lying, lying, lying.

Houston, we have a problem:
the Astros are now the Nau(gh)ts,
but Tweety will still pack the ’Dome
untroubled by actual thoughts.

Originally published by LIGHT

Grime Wave
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Donald Trump is hard on crime ...
unless it's his own grime.

Trump Love
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump "love" is truly a curious thing ...
does he care for our kids half as much as his bling?

Raw Spewage (I)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

is a chump
who talks through his rump;
he's a political sump pump!

Stumped and Stomped by Trump
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a candidate, Trump,
whose message rang clear at the stump:
"Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"

Humpty Trumpty
by Michael R. Burch

Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Now all the Grand Wizards
and Faux PR men
Can never put Trumpty together again.

Green Eggs and Spam

by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

I do not like your racist ways!
I do not like your hate for gays!
I do not like your gaseous rump!
I do not like you, Crotch-Grabber Trump!

I do not like you here or there!
I do not like you anywhere!
Your brain's been trapped in a lifelong slump
And I do not like you, Hate-Baiter Trump!

Signs of The Resistance

This similar poem was taken from a protest sign at an anti-Trump women's march ...

I do not like you down my shirt!
I do not like you up my skirt!
I do not like you near my rump!
I do not like you, Mr. Trump!

The ham
is a sham,
his tweets are spam
and his method's to scam.
—Michael R. Burch

Trump even inspired World Cup star Megan Rapinoe to wax poetic! This is her update of "Hussle & Motivate" by Nipsey Hussle. We believe the lyrics were slightly altered by Megan Rapinoe ...

Ain't really trip on the credit,
I just paid all of my dues,
I just respected the game.
Now my name
all in the news!
Trippin' on all of my moves,
quote me on this,
got a lot more to prove!
@nipseyhussle #tmc #cheesin @mrapinoe

Tea Party Madness
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Since we agree,
let’s have a nice tea
with our bats in the belfry.

During my research, I was surprised to learn that Donald Trump is an accomplished poet―a master of modern free verse, odes, sonnets, limericks, villanelles, sestinas, quatrains, heroic couplets and rhyme royal. Indeed, Trump rivals those other great American political poets: George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann! But Donald Trump did not have a poet recite an Inauguration Day Poem. Why? Probably for the same reason that he couldn't get A-list singers and bands to perform at his Inauguration: no self-respecting person with a sense of decency and real American values wants to lend credence to Trump's creepy presidency. Maya Angelou would never endorse Trump, nor would Richard Blanco, Miller Williams or Elizabeth Alexander. But there is a solution, and I am going to provide it. Here, from the hyperactive mouth of Trump Himself, is his Inauguration Day Poem:

It's a Carnage! (Part I)
by Donald J. Trump

I can't believe what our country is doing!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
It's a carnage!
This guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
It's a carnage!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!
It's a carnage!
Make America great again!
Politics is such a disgrace!
Good people don't go into government!
It's a carnage!
Please don't feel so stupid or insecure; it's not your fault!
It's largely a rigged system!
I'm just thinking to myself right now, we should just cancel the election ...
Please say it! Please tell me: "Trump, you're fired!"
It's a carnage!

Obviously, Trump is warning us about the greatest threat currently posed to the United States of America: the man known as Donald John Trump. Somewhere deep within, he knows just how terrible he is, and he is literally begging us to stop him from destroying so many lives. He is asking us to fire himto impeach himbefore it's too late. He points out that politics is a disgrace and good people don't get into government; hence he is admitting that he is a bad person and a disgrace. As for my analysis of his poem as a work of art, it goes without saying that Trump is a much better poet than president. The poem is entirely modern free verse, with a "killer" refrain. The double use of the word "just" in L17 is surely not accidental; Trump is telling us that justice can only be done by canceling the results of the rigged election that made him president when he lost by nearly three million votes, with the help of Russian influence. Trump's inaugural poem communicates considerable emotion; the hallmark of true poetry. I know it scares the hell out of me, and I don't scare easy! Yes, it is a carnage, and yes, we should fire Trump, post haste.

It's a Carnage! (Part II)
by Donald J. Trump

It's a carnage!
We bleed depletion!
Even our disagreements are in disrepair!
It's a carnage!
We must flush away the infrastructure of freedom,
banish the Islamic lady to landscapes overseas
ripped up and rusted out by the sad solidarity of our sprawling bombs!
It's a carnage!
We must send our soldiers like thieves stealing:
because oil was made to be stolen!
It's a carnage!
When our soldiers lie silent under subsidized tombstones
while the trapped trillions tunnel underground toward unrealized urban streets
long wind-swept by nuclear winter ...
It's a carnage!

It's a Carnage! (Part III)
by Donald J. Trump

I can't believe what our country is doing!
Qaddafi in Libya is killing thousands of people, nobody knows how bad it is, and we're sitting around!
We have soldiers all over the Middle East, and we're not bringing them in to stop this horrible carnage and that's what it is: It's a carnage!
You talk about things that have happened in history; this could be one of the worst!
Now we should go in, we should stop this guy, which would be very easy and very quick!
We could do it surgically, stop him from doing it, and save these lives!

Analysis: "Trump has revealed himself to be an incredible hypocrite, because he relentlessly attacked Hillary Clinton for her support of military interventions in the Middle East. But Trump is on the record supporting such interventions, and for the same reasons. Perhaps Clinton was wrong to support the invasion of Libya. Perhaps she was wrong to believe that deposing Qaddafi would be relatively quick and easy, and could be done surgically. But obviously Trump shared those opinions. Hence, he comes off as a liar and a hypocrite."

If the subject interests you, to see how Trump fulfills Biblical prophecies, just click the hyperlink.

Mother of Cowards
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

So unlike the brazen giant of Greek fame
With conquering limbs astride from land to land,
Spread-eagled, showering gold, a strumpet stands:
A much-used trollop with a torch, whose flame
Has long since been extinguished. And her name?
"Mother of Cowards!" From her enervate hand
Soft ash descends. Her furtive eyes demand
Allegiance to her Pimp's repulsive game.

"Keep, ancient lands, your wretched poor!" cries she
With scarlet lips. "Give me your hale, your whole,
Your huddled tycoons, yearning to be pleased!
The wretched refuse of your toilet hole?
Oh, never send one unwashed child to me!
I await Trump's pleasure by the gilded bowl!"

Free-Verse Sonnet to Gun Control
by Donald J. Trump

We have to look very strongly at no-fly lists!

We have to bring back law and order!

We had to take the guns away
from these people that have them
and that are bad people
that shouldn't have them!

These are people
that are bad people!
That shouldn't be!

Analysis by the NRA: So far, complete and utter silence! And of course Trump didn't keep his promises. Rather, the NRA contributed $30 million to helping Trump win the 2016 presidential election, and Trump signed a bill blocking Obama-era background checks on guns for people with mental illnesses. The Obama rule would have prevented an estimated 75,000 people with mental disorders from being able to purchase firearms. It was crafted as part of Obama's efforts to strengthen the federal background check system in the wake of the 2012 massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. Trump explained his position on gun control by saying: "It's no good, it's no fair, and they're not going to screw around with the Second Amendment." But it's hard to imagine that the Founding Fathers would have thought it wise to let mentally ill people buy assault weapons. The massacre of 17 students and staff in Parkland, Florida on Valentine's Day in 2018 is a case in point. The murderer had a history of mental illness and was under the legal age to buy a handgun. But he was able to legally buy an AR-15 assault weapon. And Trump didn't do anything he had promised to keep students from being shot to pieces. As Trump said in his most famous poem, "It's a carnage!"

Free-Verse Ode to Abortion
by Donald J. Trump

Is abortion early in a pregnancy murder?

"What I am saying is this:
With caveats―life of the mother, incest, rape.
That's where I stand.
So, I'm pro-life, but with the caveats.
You have to have it with the caveats."

What if a pregnancy happens outside those caveats―is abortion murder then?

"It depends."

Analysis by pro-life evangelical Christians: Exit polls reveal that four out of five, or 80% of evangelical Christians, voted for Donald Trump.

It's Incredible!
an Ode to Kim Jong-un
by Donald J. Trump

If you look at North Korea—this guy, he's like a maniac, OK?
And you have to give him credit!
How many young guys—he was like 26 or 25 when his father died—take over these tough generals,
and all of a sudden—you know, it's pretty amazing when you think of it!
How does he do that?
Even though it is a culture and it's a cultural thing, he goes in, he takes over, and he's the boss!
It's incredible!
He wiped out the uncle!
He wiped out this one, that one!
I mean, this guy doesn't play games!
And we can't play games with him!
Because he really does have missiles!
And he really does have nukes!

Analysis by Michael R. Burch: Trump's word choices seem significant: "credit," "amazing," "incredible." He even manages to make "maniac" sound like a good thing!

He Did That So Good!
an Ode to Saddam Hussein
by Donald J. Trump

He was a bad guy—really bad guy.
But you know what he did well?
He killed terrorists!
He did that so good!
They didn't read them the rights!
They didn't talk!
They were terrorists!

Analysis by Jake Sullivan, a foreign policy expert: "Trump's praise for brutal strongmen seemingly knows no bounds ... Trump yet again lauded Saddam Hussein as a great killer of terrorists, noting with approval that he never bothered to read anyone their rights."

The Vicious Ones
by Donald J. Trump

I was attacked viciously
By those women!
Of course, it's very hard for them
To attack me on looks,
Because I'm so good looking!
But I was attacked very viciously
By those women.

Analysis by American voters: "Ho-hum! What do we care if Trump attacks women, then shames and blames his victims? Ho-hum!"

Anxious Moments

Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada's building a wall.)
―Tim James

What would the price of a Trump presidency be, really? Would Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting 11 million people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers and fathers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler and Hair Furor are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?

Trumping the Truth

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there's NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, "Media bias!"
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

Dangerously Unhinged

This guy [Trump] is dangerously unhinged.
And, for all the things people have said about me over the years,
I should be able to spot Dangerously Unhinged.
―Glenn Beck

Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Donald's concept of leadership's thuggery
And his chief expertise is skullduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

Champ or Chump?

There's a boastful campaigner named Trump
who is doing quite well on the stump.
All his insults and gaffes
only get him more laughs.
Will he wind up a champ or a chump?
—Richard Stoll Armstrong

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Dear Donald, I'm begging you: Run!
Join the "clown car" and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

How the Fourth Reich Ramped Up
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump lectured his pale Deplorables:
"You're such easy marks and scorables!
Now whenever I bray
click your heels & obey,
and I'll soon promote you to Horribles!"

No Star
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump, you're no "star."
Putin made you an American Czar.
Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen,
pretty soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen.

Raw Spewage (II)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

is a chump
who talks through his rump;
he's a garbage dump
in need of a sump pump!

Trump’s suffering from shrinkinflation:
His reputation’s shot from what he did to his nation.
Now, because it began so wee small,
Today we can’t see it at all.
But as with an unflushed commode or
rank sewer, we can spot Trump by his odor.
— Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

Florida will not be woke.
DeSantis made it clear.
The world may well go up in smoke,
but Ron will snore, no fear.

For Florida will not be woke.
Conservatives will snooze
with blinders shutting out all light
and any factual news.
— Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

Our awful unlawful “president”
will soon be a jailhouse resident.
— Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

Under Trump American democracy is going the way of the dodo. — Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

The LIV is LIVid:
livid with blood,
and full of egos larger
than continents
— Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

Evil is as evil does.
Evil never needs a cause.
Evil loves amoral “laws,”
laughs and licks its blood-red claws
while kids are patched together with gauze.
— Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

Piecemeal, a Coronavirus poem
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

And so it begins—the ending.
The narrowing veins, the soft tissues rending.
Your final solution is pending.
(Soon a portly & pale Piggy-Wiggy
will discount your death as "no biggie.")

Donald Disgustus
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

It’ll be a cold day in hell
when I wish The Donald well:
was there ever a bigger liar
than President Pants-on-Fire?

modern Midas
by michael r. burch

they say nothing human's alive
yet the Hermit survived:

the last of His kind,
clean out of His mind.

they say He relentlessly washes His fingers,
as dainty as ever, yet the smell of death lingers.

they say it sets off His corona of hair
when He blanches with fear in his Mansion Faire.

they say He still spritzes each strand into place
though there's no one to see in that hellish place.

they say there's a moral in what He's become
as He fondles gold trinkets and cradles His john.

Fool's Gold
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

THE DONALD has won (so we're told).
If it's true, worthless swampland's been sold!
But who were the buyers?
Poor folks who trust liars
and pay through the nose for fool's gold.

15 Seconds
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Our president's sex life—atrocious!
His "briefings"—bizarre hocus-pocus!
Politics—a shell game!
My brief moment of fame
flashed by before Oprah took notice!

Trumping Tots
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he exclaims, "Ban dark kids!"
Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?

Wright-er of Wrongs
by Michael R. Burch

Messin’ with Josephine Wright
is likely to end in a fight.
A spry 93,
she’d take on Ali,
and teach him his left from his right!

Developers after her land
have found Wright to be full of sand.
Though small and petite
(hell, barely five feet)
she’s a towering black firebrand.

Trump Explains Why His Hair Looks Like Shit: It's Been Bleached By Drool
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

"Although my hands are quite tiny,
I have a huge, flatulent hiney;
so I stick my head in,
predicting I'll win,
while everyone kisses it shiny!"

by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Agent Orange is chock full of bunk:
Tiny-fingered, he claims a big "trunk."
And his "platform"? Oh my,
I think we'd all die!
And he can't even claim he was drunk!

Trump claims that he doesn't drink alcohol, except when he partakes of Holy Communion. However, Trump insulted the body and blood of Jesus Christ when he spoke dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." He claims to be a Christian, but also said that he never asks God for forgiveness! Is he punch drunk or just pulling our legs about being a Christian?

by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There's something I'd like to debunk:
the GOP's not in a "funk."
The Donald, by choice,
is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who's sane, or we're sunk!

Trump the Game Plan
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

There once was a huckster named Trump
who just loved to be kissed on the rump.
So he promised awed voters
if they'd be his promoters,
he'd magically fix up their dump.

Now the voters were dreaming of Ronald
and hoping they'd found him in Donald.
And thus, lightly "thinking"
after much heavy drinking,
they put out, as if they'd been fondled.

But once he'd secured the election
Trump found his fans cause for dejection.
"I only love tens!"
he complained to his "friends,"
then deported them: black, white and Mexican.

Thus Donald fulfilled his sworn duties
by ridding the land of non-cuties.
Once the plain Janes were gone
he could smile on his throne
surrounded by imported beauties!

Tangled Webs
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Oh, what tangled webs they weave
when Trump and his toupée seek to deceive!

According to Trump, it is "very legal" and "very cool" to lie through his teeth to the American public, Congress and the FBI. While campaigning and since being elected president, Trump has repeatedly said things like: "I have no deals with Russia. I have no dealings with Russia. I have no deals that could happen in Russia, because we've stayed away. What do I know about Russia? I have nothing to do with Russia. I promise you I've never made ... I don't have any deals with Russia. I had Miss Universe there a couple of years ago other than that no. I had nothing to do [with Russia]." Like most liars, Trump can't keep his story straight. In reality, he and his family were secretly meeting with Russian agents, making backdoor deals, rigging the 2016 presidential election, and jeopardizing national security by compromising themselves. As president, Don the Con would go on to lie over 20,000 times to the American people, and he would lie repeatedly about the coronavirus while 350,000 Americans went to their graves during the last year of his grotesque presidency.

Devilish Don's instructions to his chief imp,
Rudy the Ghoul, when they set out to overturn
the 2020 election ...
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

“Hocus Pocus,
let’s hope they don’t focus!”

Viral Donald (II)
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Why didn't Herr Trump, the POTUS,
protect us from the Coronavirus?
That weird orange corona
on his head shoulda told ya:
Trump is the Virus in Human Form!

Trump's Coronavirus Tercet Tweet

I accept no responsibility!
The buck stops with everybody but me!
―Donald J. Trump

What REALLY Happened, an Excerpt from Not-So-Heroic Couplets
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump lied and lied and lied.
Americans died and died and died.
McConnell napped and tried to hide.
Mike Pence sought the teat of his mother-bride.
Bill Barr bared his ass for a backwards slide.
Rudy G. knew the truth, yet screamed "Elide!"
Wrongway Conway sold her soul to Dark Side.
Courage and resolve? They were never tried.

Trump Twitter Ban
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Why use the term "suspended"
if it's over, done, ended?
If your poor, frazzled brain is growing tired,
perhaps just use his favorite word: "Fired!"

#TrumpTwitterBan #TrumpBanned #TrumpTwitter #TrumpTweets Quote Tweet

The Final Episode of Celebrity Apprentice President
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald
said to The Donald,
"Just between us clowns, your polls are too low!"
So The Donald thought hard
then said to his pard,
"It's because I'm a martyr. The world must know!"
Thus Eric Trump jumped
from his obese Trump rump
to declare the virus a "hoax." (End of show.)

Twinkle Wrinkles
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Twinkle, twinkle, little "star" ...
Trump, how we wished you blazed                 afar!

Twinkle, twinkle, Groper-Cupid ...
How we've wished you weren't so stupid!

Twinkle, twinkle, Man-Baby "president" ...
In truth you're just the White House resident.

The handwriting is on the wall:
The Donald wants your death. Don’t stall!
He's trumped the truth, made the "facts" clear,
vaccinated himself, but you're no peer ...
so become an anti-vaxer.
—Michael R. Burch

Americans have the opportunity
to greatly improve their community
with votes a-plenty
in 2020.
Michael R. Burch

Joe Biden, Joe Biden,
our future is ridin'
on you defeatin'
and hidin'
that cancerous lump
called Trump.
Michael R. Burch

The Perfect Storm
by Michael R. Burch

Stormy Daniels
is Trump's worst nightmare—
a truthteller,
a woman without fear,
full of spunk,
unimpressed by his junk,
that he can't debunk.

No Reaction

"I have no reaction.
The mayor's living on a cot,
and I hope the President
has a good day of golf."

This was the response of Russel Honoré, the retired general appointed by President Bush to take over the federal response to Katrina in 2005, to Trump's tweets about hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico and his attacks on San Juan's mayor after she pointed out that it was not a "good news story" because her people were suffering and dying.

by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Carmen Yulín Cruz is a hero.
Donald Trump is a zero.

March for Our Lives
by Michael R. Burch

It's not a moment,
created to save
innocents from the grave.

Tweety and Pootie
sittin' in a tree
First comes love,
second comes marriage,
third, barechested weasels in a White House carriage!
Michael R. Burch

It turns out that Judge Sludge Roy Moore is a poet, just like The Donald!

Judgment Day

You think that God's not angry
that this land is a moral slum?
How much longer will it be
before his judgment comes?
Roy S. Moore, aka "The Moral Slumlord"

Election day, perhaps? God is probably not happy that you paraded around pretending to love and honor the Ten Commandments while plying teenage girls with alcohol and trying to seduce them! What part of "Thou shalt not commit adultery" did you fail to understand―the word "not"?

Why did Trump endorse Roy "Score" Moore when Nostradumbass claimed he "knew" the Sludge Judge couldn't win? ...

Sexual predators of a feather
flock together.
Michael R. Burch

Kneeling Verboten
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Colin Kaepernick took a stand by kneeling;
now Donald Trump is reeling
as the NFL owners he implored
lock hands with the players he deplored.

Trump Trumps "We The People"
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump fired Comey
to appoint a homey:
some pawn in his Kamp
with a big rubber stamp.

Out the window flew freedom!
Rights? You don't need 'em!
Like Attilâ the Hun,
Trump answers to no one!

Do you think you have worth?
Trump makes you his serf.
He's your Lord and your Master:
you elected DISASTER.

Pass the Hat for the Fat Cat
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

If you're a Fat Cat,
vote for an Autocrat;
otherwise, stick with a Democrat ...
or get ready to pass the hat
for yourself,
doomed by that strange little pixie-fingered orange elf.

Sexual Assaulter-in-Chief
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald Trump Bozo
bopped Bill Clinton Clown on the nose: "Oh,
I'll trump your cigar
with my groping, by far,
when I bounce interns on my Big Pogo!"

by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Is a chump,
He's an
Orange Heffalump.
His hair?
Made of batter.
His brain?
Fecal matter.
His "plans"?
A disaster.
His "position"?
Your Master!

Fooling Around
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
cried, "Clinton Clown cheats with his yo-yo!
He plays fast and loose!
It's clearly abuse!
Whereas broads love to bounce on my pogo!"

BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: "So you treat women with respect?" Trump answered honestly: "No, I can't say that either." And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."

Be Careful What We Wish For

Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he's gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.

In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: "Clinton v. Loon!"
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could "Trump" Gore,
Odds are strong we'd (s)elect this buffoon.
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane

The Name and Blame Game
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

If you have a slightly offbeat name,
you'll be de-planed, detained, restrained, defamed.
Supremacists know pure white names are best,
so be prepared to prove you're among the Blessed.
(Woe unto those who fail Trump's Litmus Test!)

I know, it seems outrageous,
But it's getting a lot of attention
On some very respectable Web pages —
Which mainstream media won't mention:
Donald Trump was not born in Queens,
He was born in the Philippines,
In a hotel in downtown Manila.
Where his hair turned bright vanilla
Due to vitamin deficiencies.
―Garrison Keillor

Donald Trump Christmas Poems and Christmas Campaign Songs

Trump's Donor Song
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

(lines written after it became apparent that Trump is not
"draining the swamp" but stocking it with his crocodilian
donors and political piranha)

christmas is coming, the Trumpster's purse is flat:
please put a Billion in the Fat Cat's hat!
if you haven't got a Billion, a Hundred Mil will do.
if you haven't got a Hundred Mil, the yoke's on you!

Christmas is coming!
Tycoons are getting fat!
TRUMP says, "Let's all piss
in some beggar's hat!
Beat him to a pulp
then run him out of town
if he dares object to
'Cause if you're not a Christian,
hell, nothing else will do!
But if you're just like TRUMP,
then may TRUMP bless you!
Michael R. Burch

SANTA CLAWS is coming to town!

Trump sees Spics when they're sleeping
and Blacks when they're awake!
He knows that Whites are always good,
dark skin is God's mistake!

So if you're some poor orphan
with slightly darker skin,
all blacks and Mexicans!
Michael R. Burch

Alt-Right White Christmas
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trump's dreaming of a White Christmas,
just like the ones he used to know
when black renters groveled
or lived in hovels
while he laughed a demented Ho-Ho-Ho!

Trump’s Christmas Shutdown
by Michael R. Burch

The Grinch is quite proud of his friend Trump tonight:
To see Whoville shut down? “An enormous delight!”

And old cranky Scrooge approves of Trump’s whims:
“Who the hell cares about all those dark Tiny Tims?”

Meanwhile in the Kremlin a vodka glass clinks
As a pale being smiles at his latest hijinks:

“Merry Xmas to all my AmeriKKKan friends
As the bright lights wink out and democracy ends!”

what a cad;
the Orange Heffalump
scowls when he sees
a baby bump!
Like the Grinch who stole Christmas
(but every day of the year),
The Donald eyes expectant
mothers with a leer!
Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump Grinch McGrump actually body-shamed Kim Kardashian for having a baby bump, saying that she was "large" and ought to watch the kind of clothes she wears in public!

Three Trump Valentine's Day Poems

If you're tall, blonde and pretty,
I'll grab your kitty.
But if you're dark-skinned and short,
It's time to deport!

I'll secure your southern border tonight,
as long as you're white!

If you're not
as hot
as my daughter,
for the slaughter!

Dark Shroud, Silver Lining
by Michael R. Burch

Trump cares so little for the silly pests
who rise to swarm his rallies that he jests:
“The silver lining of this dark corona
is that I’m not obliged to touch the fauna!”

Zip It
by Michael R. Burch

Trump pulled a cute stunt,
wore his pants back-to-front,
and now he’s the butt of bald jokes:
“Is he coming, or going?”
“Eeek! His diaper is showing!”
But it’s all much ado, says Snopes.

There once was a senator, Cruz,
whose whole life was one pus-oozing schmooze.
When Trump called his wife ugly,
Cruz brown-nosed him smugly,
then went on a sweet Cancun cruise.
—Michael R. Burch aka “The Loyal Opposition”

Mini-Ode to a Quickly Shrinking American Icon
by Michael R. Burch

Rudy, Rudy,
strange and colludy,
how does your pardon grow?
“With demons like hell’s
and progress like snails’
and criminals all in a row!”

Christmas is Coming
alternate lyrics by Michael R. Burch

Christmas is coming; Trump’s goose is getting plucked.
Please put the Ukraine in his pocketbook.
If you haven’t got the Ukraine, some bartered Kurds will do.
But if you’re short on blackmail, well, the yoke’s on you!

Christmas is coming and Rudy can’t make bail.
Please send LARGE donations, or the Cause may fail.
If you haven’t got a billion, five hundred mil will do.
But if you’re short on cash, the LASH will fall on you!

Fake News, Probably
by Michael R. Burch

The elusive Orange-Tufted Fitz-Gibbon is the rarest of creatures—rarer by far than Sasquatch and the Abominable Snowman (although they are very similar in temperament and destructive capabilities). While the common gibbon is not all that uncommon, the orange-tufted genus has been found less frequently in the fossil record than hobbits and unicorns. The Fitz-Gibbon sub-genus is all the more remarkable because it apparently believes itself to be human, and royalty, no less! Now there are rumors—admittedly hard to believe—that an Orange-Tufted Fitz-Gibbon resides in the White House and has been spotted playing with the nuclear codes while chattering incessantly about attacking China, Mexico, Iran and North Korea. We find it very hard to credit such reports. Surely American voters would not elect an ape with self-destructive tendencies president!

Trump Dump
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a con man named Trump
who just loved to take dumps at the stump.
“What use is the truth?”
he cried, with real ruth,
“Just come kiss my fat orange rump!”

Limerick-Ode to a Much-Eaten Ass
by Michael R. Burch

There wonst wus a president, Trump,
whose greatest ass (et) wus his rump.
It wus padded ’n’ shiny,
that great orange hiney,
but to drain it we’d need a sump pump!

Ireland’s Ire has Landed

The luck of the Irish has failed:
Trump’s landed and cannot be jailed!
From Killarney to Derry
the natives are very
despondent and bombs have been mailed.

Donald Trump has alarmed Country Clare:
the Irish are crying, “Beware!
He won’t pay his tax,
his manners are lax,
and what the hell’s up with his hair?”

The Donald has landed in Doonbeg
(Ireland). Why? For a noon beg:
he’s running real low
on cash, so you know
he’ll fit like a freakin’ square peg.

The luck of the Irish has faltered.
Trump’s there and he cannot be haltered.
From Killarney to Derry
the natives are very
insistent his visa be altered.

Poets laud Justice’s
high principles.
Trump just gropes
her raw genitals.
—Michael R. Burch

Zip It
by Michael R. Burch

Trump pulled a stunt,
wore his pants back-to-front,
and now he’s the butt of bald jokes:

“Is he coming, or going?”
“Eeek! His diaper is showing!”
But it’s all much ado, says Snopes.

Limerick-Ode to a Much-Eaten Ass
by Michael R. Burch

There wonst wus a president, Trump,
whose greatest ass (et) wus his rump.
It was padded ’n’ shiny,
that great orange hiney,
but to drain it we’d need a sump pump!

Interpretation: In this alleged "ode" a southern member of the Trump cult complains that Trump's ass produces so much shit that his legions of ass-kissers can't hope to drain it and need mechanical ass-istance.

Odes to an Enormous Ass
by Michael R. Burch

Trump talks through
his rump
at the stump.

His ass is a gas;
it’s as sassy
as an Elephant’s crevasse!

If you see him in a Speedo,
bifocals you will need, oh,
and wide-screen television
to correct eyes’ imprecision.

If you’re ogled by Trump’s hiney,
you’ll be blinded ’cause it’s shiny.
If you’re mooned by his huge buttocks,
best to run before he rut-hops. [*]

On earth there’re weighty things
that can’t take flight with wings:
mountains, seas and giant asses
like Trump’s, though full of gasses.

[*] “rut-hops” is, of course, the scientific term for the mating advances of kangaroos in heat.

Post-Nashville Covenant
by Michael R. Burch

We love our God.
We love our guns.
We despise the weak.
Don’t call us Huns!

We love our kids.
We love our schools.
We love our guns.
Don’t call us fools!

We pledge ourselves
to the strong defense
of the Constitution
and our Mensch.

Once re-elected,
Trump will rule
with God and guns
and safer schools.


Poets laud Justice’s
high principles.
Trump just gropes
her raw genitals.
—Michael R. Burch

Zip It
by Michael R. Burch

Trump pulled a stunt,
wore his pants back-to-front,
and now he’s the butt of bald jokes:
“Is he coming, or going?”
“Eeek! His diaper is showing!”
But it’s all much ado, says Snopes.

Two Trump Truisms
by Michael R. Burch

When Trump’s the culprit everyone’s a “snitch.”
It ain’t a “witch hunt” when the perp’s a witch.

Horrid Porridge
by Michael R. Burch

My apologies to porridge for this unfortunate association with an unwholesome human being.

Why is Trump orange,
like porridge
(though not some we’re likely to forage)?

The gods of yore
knew long before
Trump was born, to a life of deplorage,

that his face must conform
to the uniform
he’d wear for his prison decorage!

Dictionary Definition of Trump
by Michael R. Burch

Trump is a chump;
he’s the freep of a frump;
he’s an orange-skinned Grinch and, much worse, he’s a Grump!;
he’s a creep; he’s a Sheik (sans harem); a skunk!;
“Kill the veep!” he’s a murderous coup d’tot-er in a slump;
“Drain the swamps, then refill them with my crocodilian donors!”;
Trump is a rapist with insufficient boners;
Trump is, as he predicted, a constitutional crisis;
Trump is our non-so-sweet American vanilla ISIS;
Trump is a thief who will bring the world to grief;
Trump is a whiner and our Pleader-in-Chief.

Triple Trump
by Michael R. Burch

No one ever trumped a Trump like Trump.
He turned Mar-a-Lago into a dump
and spewed filth at the stump
like a sump pump
while looking like a moulting Orange Hefalump!

Trump made the Grinch seem like just another Grump
by giving darker Whos a “get lost” lump.
No colored child was spared from his Neanderthalic thump.

Trump gave fascists a fist-bump,
consulted Nazi servers for an info-dump
and invited Russian agents for a late-night hump.

Don the Con con-sidered laws a speed bump,
fired anyone who ever tried to be an ump,
and gave every evil known to man a quantum jump.

You may think he’s just plump
and a chump,
with the style of a frump,
the posture of a shlump,
his brain in a slump,
and perhaps too inclined for a porn-star hump,
while being deprived by his parents of a necessary whump ...
but when it comes to political asses, Trump is the rump!

Less Heroic Couplets: Ram a Swami
by Michael R. Burch

Ram a swami in the rear!
Make him bleed, Trumpites will cheer!

Ram a swami in the face!
His skin’s too dark, a damn disgrace!

Ram a swami in the nuts!
Defund Israel? What a putz!

Let Trump speak, the Great White Wit!
Trump will lick him, lick-ety-split!

Let Trump have him, the Great White Snark!
Trump will teach the bitch to bark!

Let Trump have him, our Great White Hero!
Trump will tromp that little dark zero!

Keywords/Tags: Trump, Donald Trump, poems, epigrams, quotes, quotations, Rudy Giuliani, Ted Cruz, Cancun, Christmas

Check out our newest nickname pages for Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg aka The Notorious R.G.B. and Secretary of Dead-ucation Betsy DeVos aka Cruella DeVile and DeVil DeVos.

Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Epigrams, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Donald Trump Coronavirus Timeline, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Donald Trump Nicknames, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends", Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?, More Donald Trump Jokes, Is Donald Trump a Fascist?, Donald Trump Trivia, Donald Trump's War on Women, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Trump Christmas, The Cosmological Constant: Limericks by Michael R. Burch, Political Poems by Michael R. Burch

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