The Best Donald Trump Jokes, Part 2
Here are the best Donald Trump jokes by comics and comedians like Lewis Black, Albert Brooks, Louis C. K., George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Michael Che, Stephen Colbert, Whitney Cummings, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson, Will Ferrell, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Seth MacFarlane, Bill Maher, Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien, John Oliver, Joan Rivers, Chris Rock, Jeffrey Ross, Jon Stewart, Cecily Strong and Larry Wilmore. There are also a number of "top ten" lists of puns, limericks, tweets, memes, quotations, insults, nicknames, hashtags, campaign slogans, etc.
Q: What's the difference between a Miss Universe contestant and Donald Trump?
A: She wants world peace, and he wants a world in pieces.
Cannonball! Donald "Trump of Doom" enters the American political waters, causing a mass Exodus ... but can he really walk on water as his fervent and fervid disciples believe?
Related pages: Donald Trump Puns, Donald Trump Insults, Donald Trump Limericks, Donald Trump Nicknames, The Donald Trump Bible, Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast
Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving ... women the creeps.―Seth Meyers
Fox has their head so far up Trump’s ass they bumped into Chris Christie.—Larry Wilmore
Wow. Trump's an asshole, but he's honest. Yeah. He's honestly an asshole.―Trevor Noah
The Donald's gold-plated toilets must be more cosmetic than functional, since he's always so full of s**t.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump said that he was running for president as a Republican. That's funny, because I thought he was running as a joke.―Seth Meyers
The Donald trumpets that the news is "all Trump, all the time." That's true, but only because catastrophes have always grabbed the headlines.―Michael R. Burch
I can’t understand why everyone treats Donald Trump with kid gloves. And then I realized they’re the only gloves that’ll fit his stupid, little baby hands.—Larry Wilmore
What Flubber was to physics, Trump is to politics: an antidote to gravity, cooked up by a quirky but prodigious amateur.―David Von Drehle, TIME cover article, January 18, 2016
The Donald claims to be a tough guy but is yugely afraid of "cooties"―Hillary's urine, Megyn's period, mothers' breast-milk, even Marco's innocuous beads of sweat.—Michael R. Burch
Putting Donald Trump in charge of our military is like making a juvenile delinquent the Dean of Harvard.—Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast? This is no joke, because the most expensive single building ever sold in the United States was purchased by the Trump family, at 666 Fifth Avenue, a street that symbolizes money (Mammon). The price was $1.8 billion, which is three more sixes. Another Trump tower at One Journal Square will be 666 feet high with a price tag of $666 million. And still that is just the tip of the 666 iceberg. The founder of the original Trump company died on 6-6-6 and her maiden name may shock you: Elizabeth Christ Trump. The name Elizabeth means "oath" so her name can be interpreted "Oath to Trump Christ," which is what the Antichrist was predicted to do by the ancient prophets. You can click the hyperlink to learn more (no annoying ads or requests for money; this is a public service). Yes, it does sound like the plot of a new OMEN movie, but in this case fact really is stranger than fiction.
A Little Comedic Food for Thought
"I can't prove it, but I can say it."―Stephen Colbert, succinctly summing up Donald Trump's method of "campaigning" for president
"If I repeat it often enough, it's not a lie."―Dean Obeidallah, commenting on Trump's "truthiness" (i.e., the "truth" is whatever he wants to believe, facts being irrelevant)
Donald Trump "says things that have never been said before ... that doesn't mean they should have ever been said."―Rachel Maddow to Jimmy Fallon
Donald Trump says mosques need to be "watched and studied" because they may spread hateful views. In related news, Donald Trump needs to be watched and studied.―Seth Meyers
Donald Trump is leading among Christian evangelical voters. They love him, apparently because a Trump presidency would mean the world really is coming to an end.―Conan O'Brien
According to an online poll, Donald Trump is still the front-runner in the Republican primary race. It's very impressive because it's the only race left that he hasn't offended yet.―Jimmy Fallon
Amy Holmes pointed out that Trump makes Beavis and Butthead seem like "models of maturity."
Donald Trump has pushed crazy to hazy new heights with his plan to "take out" (murder) the widows and orphans of dead terrorists. Will that dissuade them from reincarnating and attacking again?―Michael R. Burch
There are rumors that Bishop Willard Mitt Romney may soon enter the race as a "white knight" to save the Republican Party from Herr Führer Trump. Personally, I don't see how that will help, since Trump has billions to Romney's mere millions and Romney is as stiff as a board. Trump would probably run rings around him. However, Romney does have better hair, and that goes a long way in American politics these days.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump Potty Humor
Donald Trump is very upset! I don't know what his relationships with women have been like, but he's discovered that women go to the bathroom, and it's very upsetting for him!―Bernie Sanders
I've got to be honest with you. I've got to lay it out on the table: I also went to the bathroom. I know. I have to admit it. I guess men are allowed to go to the bathroom, but women, what can we say?―Bernie Sanders
Newsflash! Bernie Sanders just confessed that he, too, went to the restroom during the debate. But Donald Trump tweeted that that's okay, because men pee standing up, which is not "disgusting."―Michael R. Burch
The schlong and short of it is that Donald Trump is not a mensch but a putz. And he keeps putzing his foot in his mouth.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump's first official act as President will be to ban women peeing, pooping, menstruating and breast feeding. But please rest assured that he continues to "love" and "cherish" women!―Michael R. Burch
After The Donald made vulgar references to male genitals and female body functions, some critics said he behaves like a child. But all the children I know are better behaved than the Trumpamaniac!―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is not a male chauvinist! He just tells it like it is: either women are not tens and thus beneath his contempt, or they are "beautiful pieces of ass" that he can parade around for awhile, then discard when they begin to show their age. But in any case they should never pee or poop because that is "disgusting"!―Michael R. Burch
The Top Ten Donald Trump Jokes from Roasts
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the second-worst tragedy ever to hit New York City ... Donald Trump!―Seth MacFarlane
You're a grown man, you've got hair like Dennis the Menace ... what's going on here? Did you fall head-first into a cotton candy machine?―Seth MacFarlane
You have made Trump more than a name. You've made it a brand, like Massengil, because you're a bloated stinky douche.―Lisa Lampanelli
You've ruined more models' lives than bulimia. You've disappointed more women than Sex and the City 2.―Lisa Lampanelli
Mr. Trump, you've put up more worthless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly.―Lisa Lampanelli
Trump says he wants to run for president and move into the White House. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.―Snoop Dogg
Donald, you're gross, nobody likes you, but you come back every couple of years. Nobody knows why. You're like the McRib.―Whitney Cummings
The Donald and I have a lot in common: we both live in New York, we both play golf, and we both fantasize about his daughter Ivanka.―Jeffrey Ross
I know that he's taken some flack lately, but no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that's because he can finally get back to the issues that matter, like: Did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?―President Barack Obama
We all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. For example—no, seriously—just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice you didn't blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf—you fired Gary Busey. And these are the kinds of decisions that would keep me up at night.―President Barack Obama
Here's the Second Half of the Top Twenty Donald Trump Jokes
Trump said that he hoped bin Laden suffered a lot. It looks like he got his wish, because the CIA said bin Laden spent his last hour watching Celebrity Apprentice.―Conan O'Brien
According to Seth Meyers, the title of of Trump's new book, Crippled America, is "still better than the original title: Constipated America."
Crippled America is just a terrible phrase that sounds deeply offensive. Kind of like "President Trump."―Stephen Colbert
Farmers put crippled animals out of their misery; Donald Trump obviously intends to put a "crippled America" out of its collective misery by deporting and killing us in large numbers.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump looks like a "bewigged boiled ham."―Jon Stewart
There's a lotta guys in jail that got captured. I don't wanna vote for no one who got captured ... I wanna vote for the m*f* who got away!―Chris Rock
Donald Trump has pledged to be loyal to the Republican Party, the Green Party and Party Central, as long as they agree to be nice to that thing on his head. If not, all bets are off.―Michael R. Burch
Let's talk about the big orange elephant in the room ... That's humor, Donald, don't tweet, please!―Jeb Bush
Donald Trump berates reporters who aren't "nice" and "fair" to him, and he is particularly peeved at the ones who quote him accurately! How terribly unkind and unfair!―Michael R. Burch
Boycott Trump!
Girlcott him too!
Show the Chump who's boss—
say, "We fire you!"
―Michael R. Burch
Top Ten Jokes from Donald Trump's Appearance on Saturday Night Live
(10) "Many of the greats have hosted this show, like me in 2004."―Donald Trump, opening monologue, Saturday Night Live, November 7, 2016
(9) "He's gonna make America grapes again!"―SNL's Drunk Uncle (perhaps a pun on "sour grapes" and the "grapes of wrath" of the Civil War, which was fought over racism)
"Finally, Colin…someone is saying the things that I have been thinking. As well as, saying. It's like I'm running for President!"―SNL's Drunk Uncle, played by Bobby Moynihan
"He's got money, women, TV shows, plaza, Miss America, orange hair. He's perfect. He's like a big, old, beautiful Monopoly Man."―SNL's Drunk Uncle
(8) "It's hard to be president because the White House is the smallest place Donald and I have ever lived, you know, but we made it work."―President Trump's wife Melania, played by Cecily Strong
(7) The Secretary of the Interior reports White House renovations and dipping the Washington Monument in gold mirrored glass. The work is "ahead of schedule" and "under budget."―Trump's daughter Ivanka as herself
(6) "After your face-to-face meeting, Putin has withdrawn from Ukraine. Believe me, he does not want to be called a loser again. He cried for hours."―Trump's Secretary of State (The Apprentice's Omarosa Manigault)
(5) Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto presents Trump with a check, then says: "As history shows us, nothing brings two countries together like a wall."―SNL's Beck Bennett as President Nieto
Trump hugs Nieto and thanks him for making Telemundo an "all English" channel.
(4) "As a businessman, I can fully respect that."―Trump's response when told that Larry David, playing Bernie Sanders, had heckled him for money (a $5,000 bounty for interrupting the show)
(3) "She said some things about me that were hurtful and untrue. I said some things about her that were mean but completely accurate."―Trump about his nasty remarks about Rosie O'Donnell
(2) Trump shows his "moves" (or lack of them) by "dancing" to Drake's Hotline Bling.
(1) "A lot of people are saying Donald, you're the most amazing guy. You're brilliant, you're handsome, you're rich, you have everything going. The world is waiting for you to be president. So why are you hosting Saturday Night Live? And the answer is, I have really nothing better to do."―Donald Trump
Honorable Mentions from the "White House 2018" segment:
"Prosperity is at an all-time high."
"Everyone loves the new laws you tweeted."
A general reports that ISIS has been completely eliminated, Syria is at peace, the refugees have all returned, and Syrians are "very happy" to have jobs as blackjack dealers at the Trump casino in Damascus.
The American economy is "amazing" and "it's huge!"
"After your tough negotiations with China, we are killing them on trade. They are now borrowing money from us!"
The American people are unhappy. Why? "They're just sick of winning!" a staffer explained. "They're winning so much! It's just too great, sir!"
Perhaps the most honest part of Trump's appearance on SNL comes when he "explains" his astounding "success" as president:
"Well, you know what, I don't have to get specific. With me, it just works, you know, it's magic."
Perhaps his new campaign anthem should be Heart's "Magic Man."
Other Honorable Mentions:
"Like what years are you talking about specifically dude? Whenever rich, old, white guys start bringing up the good old days, my negro senses start tingling. I mean, after all those years of progress, Trump's going to really go with, No, I think we had it right the first time."―Michael Che, on Donald Trump's promise to "make America great again"
Top Ten Donald Trump Tweets from his SNL Appearance
An extremely credible source just told me that Kenan Thompson's birth certificate is a fraud.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
Sorry folks, but add a 'y' to 'Kenan' and you get 'Kenyan.'―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
Cecily Strong is not funny.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
Kate McKinnon was born stupid.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
This sketch is not funny. @TaranKillam is a dumb loser.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
Who would marry @TaranKillam? He's an over-rated clown.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
@VanessaBayer is an average talent and a total loser.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
@VanessaBayer is a lazy performer and should be deported.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
I love SNL. SNL loves me. But everyone in this sketch is a total loser who can bite my dust.―Donald Trump "angry tweet"
I love the blacks.―Donald Trump "fake love tweet"
Did SNL, Lorne Michaels and NBC put ratings, money and a few laughs above common decency and the best interests of the nation? Would SNL give a platform to the KKK, Nazis, skinheads or anti-semites? Protesters gathered around 30 Rock and the Rockefeller Center in New York City on the Saturday before Trump's episode began, while the president of the National Hispanic Media Coalition, Alex Nogales, released a statement on the situation: "Saturday Night Live is not a news program, it is a cultural touchstone. Providing such a platform for somebody who so clearly holds false and disparaging opinions of so many segments of this country is a dangerous proposition that legitimizes Trump's hateful views and rewards his hate speech." Brent Wilkes, executive director of the League of United Latin American Citizens, agreed: "There's nothing funny about racism. This gentleman has said some very negative, racist things about the Latino community. We believe he's a bigot. He's racist… There's no place for somebody like that on Saturday Night Live." But NBC, despite having promised to end its business relationship with Trump because of his racist remarks about Mexican immigrants, was in no mood to keep its promises if that meant turning down a ratings magnet.
Donald Trump Puns
According to Mel Brooks, Donald Trump is too big too fail ... too important according to needy late-night comedians, that is.
Toupée or not toupée for professional government: that is the hair-raising question created by Donald Trump's candidacy.―Michael R. Burch
Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or depths.―Michael R. Burch
The Peter Principle says that managers rise to the level of their incompetence.
For a larger selection of Donald Trump puns, please click here: The Best Donald Trump Puns
Donald Trump Limericks
There once was a candidate, Trump,
who elected to take to the stump:
"Vote for me, whee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"
―Michael R. Burch
Things that go bump in the night
fill Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he cries, "Ban the kids!"
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?
―Michael R. Burch
There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
The voters agreed,
"We're nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?
―Michael R. Burch
Top Ten Descriptions of Donald Trump's Hair
Unbe-weave-able―David Letterman
Taj-Ma helmet―David Letterman
Beverly Hills Chihuahua―David Letterman
Carpet Sample―Jay Leno
The Creature―Robin Williams
Tri-Hariatops―Jon Stewart
Faux Fox―Michael R. Burch
Piggy Wiggy―Michael R. Burch
Ivanka Realheddahair―Michael R. Burch
Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames
Mr. "Art of the Deal"―Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book)
John Baron―Donald Trump (a pseudonym)
The Donald―Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Trump of Doom―Michael R. Burch (first used in a Facebook post on September 4, 2015)
God―Jay Leno
The White Kanye―Bill Maher
The Teflon Don―Michael R. Burch
Comedy Entrapment―Jon Stewart
Job Security―Jimmy Kimmel
Humble―Donald Trump's choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
The complete list of Donald Trump nicknames
The Best Descriptions of Donald Trump (or at Least the Most Colorful)
Fuckface von Clownstick.―Jon Stewart
The world's greatest troll.―FiveThirtyEight Politics
Peripatetic political showman.―The Fiscal Times
Cheeto-dusted bloviator.―jezebel.com
I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win.―Donald Trump describing himself on CNN's "New Day" to host Chris Cuomo
John Boehner's tanning partner.―Michael R. Burch
Trump is "the GOP's unhinged front-runner."―Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Trump "has moved from rabble-rousing to demagoguery, or something even uglier."―U.S. News & World Report, quoting a John Cassidy article in The New Yorker
Trump is an "immigrant-bashing carnival barker."―TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
Donald Trump is a walking, talking Human Combover sent to earth to seek revenge by Hitler's Moustache.―Michael R. Burch
Venom-drenched regurgitated slimy orange hairball.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is the Cowardly Lion's enormous Orange Hairball of Fear brought to life by the Wicked Witch of the West.―Michael R. Burch
The Best Donald Trump Jokes of All Time
The second-best Donald Trump joke, in my opinion, was one he told inadvertently while trying to insult Ted Cruz: "You look like [sic] the way he's dealt with the Senate, where he goes in there like ... frankly like a little bit of a maniac. You're never going to get things done that way. You can't walk into the Senate and scream and call people liars and not be able to cajole and get along with people. He'll never be able to get anything done, and that's the problem with Ted." This strikes me as very funny, because what has Trump said about our nation's leaders, who happen to include Senators? Trump has called them "idiots," "clowns," "fools," "dopes," "pathetic," "duds," "weak," "corrupt," etc. He has bragged about "owning" politicians who became his obedient slaves because he gave them campaign contributions. He has insulted their looks, weight, hair, how much they sweat and how much water they drink, even their golf games! Trump has mocked the handicapped, prisoners of war, and even entire nations, races and religions. If Cruz is "a little bit of a maniac," then surely Trump is a "huge honking maniac." If Cruz is unable to get things done because of his insults, what does that suggest about the most insulting man in the history of American politics? After all, according to Trump there is only one worthy American politician: The Donald Himself!
The best joke about the 2015-2016 presidential campaign may have been told sixty years ago, by Adlai Stevenson during his 1956 run for the presidency. When a woman called out, "Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!" the quick-witted Stevenson shouted back, "That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!"
BTW, Adlai Stevenson told another good joke about Trump's sort: "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that he sometimes has to eat them." But as Bill Maher pointed out, Trump never admits his mistakes (which are legion), never retracts an insult, and never admits that his crazy ideas can't possibly work in the real world. How can anyone applaud his racist, fascist speeches, much less support his candidacy or vote for him? But Germany did elect Hitler, Italy elected Mussolini, and the Japanese public worshiped Hirohito. So it seems that all things, however bizarre, are possible when human beings choose to feel and react, rather than think. The rest of us are left with foxhole humor, which this page will hopefully afford if you continue reading ...
Jokes of the Day, Week and Month
Sean Spicer announced that Devin Nunes's secret visit to the White House was "routine and proper." Spicer added that Donald Trump's groping of non-consenting women was also "routine and proper."
Hey, Trump, guess what? We're not tired of winning yet! Are you getting tired of losing? #TheLoyalOpposition #TheResistance #LoveTrumpsHate
Trump is right about one thing: it is time to repeal and replace ... him! #DumpTrump
Oh the irony that Donald Trump and Paul Ryan have no Plan B!―@margarita (Plan B is the morning after pill, which arch conservatives hate and hope to ban)
This is absolutely YUGE! People are now showing up by the twos and tens at Trump's post-election rallies!
Trump just received 38 new trademarks in China, including one for "escort services." Yes, he is really "hard" on China ... positively rigid!
"Escort services" sounds about right, though one source also calls it "concierge services." Either way, someone is getting screwed. — Walter Einenkel in Daily Kos
Americans keep mishearing Trump. He didn't say that he would be "hard on" Russia and China. He said that he has a "hard on" for Russia and China. — Michael R. Burch #TrumpHardonChina
It's a miracle! When Trump was running for president the employment rate was a hoax and a disaster. Now that he's president, the employment rate is suddenly real, and a very good thing! #TruthTrumped
Donald Trump will have yet another "victory celebration," this time in Nashville. In other news, Nashville's mayor announced that the city will be renamed Gnashville in Trump's honor.
Will Tweety and the Twits be shown the door soon? Will it be the door of a federal prison, for the high crime of treason?―Michael R. Burch
Harry Truman said "The buck stops here!" But when Trump tweets "The muck starts here!"
Why does Trump make all those weird faces when he talks? He is trying very hard not to burst into laughter as he watches millions of people buying his BS.
We've been told that we must eventually accept the election results, so it's time to acknowledge our new acting president: Stephen KKK Bannon.
The ban is on, thanks to Acting President Bannon.―Michael R. Burch
Impeach President Bannon!
Trump is Wilhuff Tarkin, the evil but fragile Death Star commander. Bannon is his forbidding overlord, Darth Vader. The orders are issued in the background by the real mastermind, Emperor Putin.
All Trump's tweets boil down to one simple message: "I am the ANTICHRIST! Praise, worship and obey me while I summon the Apocalypse!"
Six Russian diplomats have died since November and they apparently appeared in Trump's MI6 dossier. While Trump is puttin' on the Ritz, is the KGB Putin on the Hitz?
The KGB is rolling up its Trump operations cell.―Ammo Hauler
Mr. Putin has decided that there must be no loose ends that might endanger the reign of his puppet, Comrade Trumputin.
It is FAKE NEWS that Trump is a know-nothing! Trump does know one thing: he knows how to get know-nothings to vote for him!―Michael R. Burch
Welcome to Lyin'RyanDyin'Care! Welcome to TrumpedUpCare! This is what we get when we elect Re-flub-Lycans.
According to the latest intelligence, Donald Trump is known at the Kremlin as Secret Agent 666, codename THE BEAST.
First, Richard Nixon insisted, "I am not a crook!" Now Donald Trump keeps insisting, "I am not a Russian spy, codenamed Comrade Trumputin!" — Michael R. Burch
George Washington is the father of the United States. Donald Trump is the father of the United States Serving Russia, the new U.S.S.R.
Donald Trump is imploding like a California mudslide, and he's taking the GOP infrastructure down with him.
Scott Pruitt claims carbon dioxide is not the primary cause of global warming. And he should know, because it is clearly the hot air emanating from his empty skull that is doing most of the damage!
Trump complaining about other people's fake news is like Niagara Falls complaining about your faucet dripping.―Michael R. Burch
Trump has infallible hindsight because his head is always up his ass.―Michael R. Burch
Trump is a triumph of de-evolution! He has the attention span of a goldfish, the intelligence of a dodo, the manners of a spitting cobra, the pride of a peacock, and the desire for attention of a hyperactive lapdog.
Friends, please don't act so surprised. This is was what happens when we elect an Orange-Tufted Shit Gibbon president. Now the monkey dances to Organ Grinder Bannon's dark, evil tunes.
Joe Scarborough accused Kellyanne Conway of being a "free agent." But he left out a word: she's a "fact-free agent."―Michael R. Burch
Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway said that if journalism were a "real business, 20% of the media would be fired for making so many mistakes. That's amusing, coming from Miss Misinformation herself!
It’s still difficult to classify Trump exactly: he’s not a classic Nazi, but would burn books if his supporters knew how to read.―Frankie Boyle
If the Queen ever has to shake Trump’s hand, she will put on so many gloves she’ll look like Mickey Mouse.―Frankie Boyle
I think I've got #TrumpTourette's. I know I should "go high" but every time I mention his name, it's followed by cursing! And the only cure is impeachment.―Elizabeth Harris Burch tweet
Is Trump really Putin's Puppet and Bannon's Bitch, or is The Donald his own man-baby?―Michael R. Burch
Kellyanne "Wrongway Conway" has proved that you certainly can put lipstick on a pig, then dress it up in "alternate facts" and watch it oink and boink its way to the presidency.―Michael R. Burch
Trump put Iran "on notice." Apparently he wrote "Please stop!" on a post-it note. Iran was not impressed and fired another missile. Is this the way the world ends: with a whimper then a bang?
Trump tweeted: 'We must keep "evil" out of our country!' We all agree, so let's ban and deport Trump. IMMEDIATELY. BIGLY. YUGELY.
It's interesting that Trump put "evil" in quotation marks, because we do that when we don't consider a term to be applicable. Is Trump really "smarter" than our generals? See what I mean?
The new Republican Party slogan: "Let's party like it's 1999 (BC)!"
Voters were sick of "politics as usual." And they got what they wanted because "nothing in politics is more unusual than Trump."―David Von Drehle
Don't dismiss a Donald Trump presidency. The man knows how to look successful while sitting atop a bankrupt empire.—@badbanana
Just when we think Trump's three-ring circus can't get any more entertaining, a new Bozo tumbles out of the clown car. Rick Perry? Which department? Oops!―Michael R. Burch
In the Spirit of the Christmas Season
Please remember to mail your packages early so the post office has plenty of time to lose them for Christmas.―Johnny Carson
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband!―Joan Rivers
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.―George Carlin
The Supreme Court ruled against a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. Not for religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.―Jay Leno
Santa Claus is working very hard with his elves to make sure every child gets at least one toy this Christmas, or, as Glenn Beck calls it, "socialism."―Jay Leno
Donald Trump says that if he's elected president we'll be saying "Merry Christmas" again. Maybe, but we'll be saying it from our new homes in Canada.―Conan O'Brien
With Donald Trump playing an orange-haired Grinch, how will the Koch brothers be able to gift-wrap the presidency and deliver it to one of their lackeys? Very bad form, Mr. Grinch!―Michael R. Burch
When Donald Trump is president, Santa Claus will only be allowed to deliver presents to rich white Christian kids ... you know, the good ones.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is Tiny Tim gone over to the Dark Side: "God bless us every one, as long as we're not black, Hispanic, Muslim, gay, liberal, union workers, or women who aren't tens!"―Michael R. Burch
More bad news for the Trumps: this Christmas climate change deniers get only lumps of coal.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is a YUGE fan of Operation Wetback; once he's created a new Trail of Tears for immigrants, he'll work hard to deport the remaining Native Americans as well.―Michael R. Burch
Bonus Election Tracks
If Donald Trump becomes president, let's be honest and rename his plane Air Farce One, since the United States will have become an international joke.―Elizabeth Harris Burch
Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are political mutants, X-Men. They share the same mysterious superpower: to make previously unthinkable candidates seem acceptable.―Michael R. Burch
If you are a true conservative. Don’t vote for Trump. He is not one of you. He is one of him. He is playing you.―Louis C. K.
Max Boot is giving—well, the maximum boot—to Donald Trump by calling him a fascist.―Max Boot
Ted Cruz is clinging to Trump like a limpet to an oil tanker, hoping to suck up his votes when Trump eventually sinks.―Bobby Jindal
Which would be the greater catastrophe for the Republican Party: Trump the Defector or Trump the Nominee? Don't you just love the smell of irony in the morning! ―Michael R. Burch
Even more ironic, there are rumors that Trump is "cash poor" and may have to accept donations (bribes, according to The Donald) to stay in the race.―Michael R. Burch
Bratman to the Rescue! KAPOW!
We really need a better nickname for Donald Trump than "The Donald," which sounds silly, pompous and pretentious. Well, okay, Trump is silly, pompous and pretentious. But still, Americans are innovators, so surely we can do better! I had taken to calling him the "Trump of Doom," which seems kinda cute and quite appropriate, since he keeps insisting that the United States is on its last legs and he alone can save it. I also like "Hair Hitler" because Trump sounds like the second coming of Adolph Hitler, he has the world's oddest hair (or hairpiece), and I find the Herr/Hair pun amusing. But I have come to the conclusion that, because Trump seems to be convinced that he has superpowers, he really ought to have a superhero nickname. After much intense pondering, I believe I have found the perfect moniker to match his superpowers: Bratman! After all, Tump's superpowers are whining, making stupid faces, insulting people, and generally acting as if he never grew out of his terrible twos. Trump admitted as much when he revealed his most awesome ability to an astonished world: "I am the most fabulous whiner! I do whine because I want to win! And I'm not happy if I'm not winning! I'm a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win!" Mr. Trump has promised that Mr. Putin will do his bidding. How will he accomplish this seemingly impossible feat? He will hop into his Bratmobile, burn rubber to the hairport, board Hair Force One (attended of course by several imported Scandinavian supermodels), sip some super-expensive Trump mineral water, and plug in to recharge the source of his power: the implanted nuclear-powered whine generator that long ago replaced his heart. Mr. Putin doesn't stand a chance of holding up against all the fabulous whining to come; Bratman will save the day, KAPOW!; and I will have to can the "Trump of Doom" nickname forever, which I will be more than happy to do! If, on the other hand, Bratman's powers of whining until resistance proves futile are not as effective as advertised, I propose that we call him "Donald Duck," because everyone around him will have to constantly duck to avoid The Donald's other superpower: expelling enormous volumes of vile-smelling incendiary hot air. It will be like having Smaug in the White House!
Donald Trump's latest, greatest idea is pure genius! After we have thrown away the Constitution and freedom of religion by banning Muslims, we should double down and ban freedom of speech as well! It's past time to start "closing that Internet up"! Who needs it? It has no possible use, other than as a tool for extremist recruiting! Just turn the damn thing off and watch the official Trump broadcasts on real television! Quick, call Bill Gates and tell him to shut down that pesky Internet contraption! Everyone knows he invented it, owns it and controls it! But what about Americans who favor freedom of speech? According to Herr Führer Trump "these are foolish people!" So the American founding fathers were idiots, not smart like The Donald! Does Trump know that it's called "the Internet," not "that Internet"? Is he aware that his beloved Tweets require "that Internet"? Does he realize that he is only able to Tweet lies and nonsense because of documents called the Constitution and Bill or Rights? Has anyone informed him that the president of the United States must take an oath to protect and uphold those rights for all Americans?―Michael R. Burch
A strange bewigged fascist, Herr Trump,
professed not to sweat, piss or dump.
One day, overloaded,
the fascist exploded.
Now everyone calls him Hair Clump.
―Michael R. Burch
Some of the best Donald Trump jokes are the ones he makes of himself, through his oafish, boorish behavior. Here's what the Trumpster said about Hillary Clinton during a campaign event in Grand Rapids, Michigan: "She was going to beat Obama ... She was going to beat ... she was favored to win ... and she got schlonged. She lost. She lost." (Never mind that Trump has four bankruptcies and many other failures on his résumé, including Trump University, Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Steaks, Trump Mortgage, Trump the Game, etc.) Trump also rudely and crudely mocked Clinton for taking a bathroom break during a debate: "I thought she gave up! Where did she go? Where did Hillary go? They had to start the debate without her. Phase II. I know where she went. It's disgusting. I don't want to talk about it." Then why bring it up, Mr. I Never Have to Pee Because My Schlong is Perfect Like the Rest of Me? (The Donald reminds me of a child who, having been informed that his mother urinates, has a temper tantrum in disbelief.) Trump's zany "speech" was interrupted by protestors whose freedom of speech was denied when they were ejected by Trump's brownshirts. Herr Führer Trump, who does like anyone to contradict him or point out his mistakes, suggested that the protesters might be "drugged out" and chided another group for being "so weak" they didn't resist directions to leave. The Trumpamaniac has stripped away and tossed aside any remaining shreds of sanity and decency. The would-be emperor is now running around in public, entirely sans clothes, waving his schlong, screaming "Look at me! Vote for me!" Some Americans have been gullible enough to take Trump as a serious candidate, but I suppose even in their madness King George and Nero had followers.
Look at me!
I am SUPERMAN!
WHEEEE!
And I never have to pee,
disgustingly,
like icky girls
and Hillary!
―Michael R. Burch
Trump "Solution" Jokes
When Obama was president, a 4.8% jobless rate was "totally fiction" and the "real" rate was around 42%. But now that Trump is president, virtually the same rate (4.7%) is suddenly solid gold and the gospel truth!
The GOP's Unaffordable No Care Act will be known unofficially as TrumpedUpCare and Lyin'RyanDyin'Care, since both Trump and Ryan will claim credit for it ... until it implodes.
TrumpedUpCare's biggest losers, ironically, will be Trump's supporters. Obama was Evil Incarnate for trying to help them. Trump is an Angel for sentencing them to slow, lingering deaths. Go figure.
#TrumpedUpCare is #WealthCare, not healthcare.
Obama did care about the less fortunate. Trump only cares about the fortunate, like Himself, and thus his plan is #NoMamaCare.
The Congressional Budget Office confirmed what we already knew: Trump and the GOP don't care whether we live or die, and #TrumpedUpCare proves it.
Trump supporters evidently believe that the only people losing healthcare will be "those people." They are about to learn that they are "those people" to Trump, Ryan and the GOP.
Lyin' Ryan told the truth for a change: he admitted to Rich Lowry that he has been dreaming of cutting Medicaid since he started drinking out of kegs. Here's a toast to all the people Lyin' Ryan will kill. Skoal.
According to Paul Ryan, covering more people is just a "beauty contest." And of course Trump is the King of beauty contests. The more attractive female patients will be ogled and groped; the rest can die and go to hell for all that Tricky Trump and Lyin' Ryan care.
Donald was once a popular name in Scotland, but no longer. Donald is going the way of the German name Adolf, and for the same reason.
Now we know why Trump wanted to become president: so he could claim "immunity" and pardon himself for multiple cases of sexual assault!
Since Trump and Ryan weren't able to kill millions quickly by taking away their healthcare, they have opted to kill billions slowly by polluting the earth till it fries us to crisps.
Trump declared the "start of a new era" in which coal mining trumps clean energy. That's like preferring ox-drawn plows to tractors and combines, only with deadlier consequences.
Trump likes to style himself not only as a dealmaker, but as "the closer." But he's closer to a loser after his primary initiatives have failed miserably.
Trump has a "Big Agenda." It's absolutely YUGE. Amerika's Reverse Robin Hood will rob the poor and give liberally to the super-rich. That, apparently, makes him a conservative!
TrumpedUpCare is the reverse of real healthcare: it offers smaller premiums to very healthy people and allows everyone else to wither and die. Will Trump and Ryan kill someone you love?
When Trump and Pence met with the far-right House Freedom Caucus, a room full of men stood and cheered a plan that would strip women and babies of maternity and prenatal care. Go, boys, go!
Senator Charles Schumer: "Ultimately, the TrumpCare bill failed because of two traits that have plagued the Trump presidency since he took office: incompetence and broken promises. In my life, I have never seen an administration as incompetent as the one occupying the White House today. They can't write policy that actually makes sense, they can't implement the policies they do manage to write, they can't get their stories straight, and today we've learned that they can't close a deal, and they can't count votes. So much for the Art of the Deal. I also have never seen a President break as many promises to working people as this President has done in just over two months. President Trump said we're going to have health insurance for everyone that's going to cost less. TrumpCare would have done exactly the opposite. This bill would have been a boon for the wealthy, providing a huge tax cut for Americans making over $250,000, while causing premiums to rise by more than $12,000 for lower income seniors. Today should be the last day the cloud of TrumpCare hangs over the American people.
More Election Jokes
Donald Trump says he "loves" the poorly educated. And why not, since they enrolled in his scammy Trump University and paid him 35k apiece? Now they're buying his political swampland.―Michael R. Burch
Recent polls reveal that Teddy Cruzer has replaced Freddy Krueger as America's greatest nightmare.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump believes that if people cheer for him, it must be great, it must be yuuuge! He forgets that people once cheered for Hitler, Mussolini, Lenin, Stalin, Chairman Mao, Saddam Hussein.―Michael R. Burch
Mitt Romney had binders full of women; John Kasich had kitchens full of women; Donald Trump had pageants full of women; but Creepy Ted Cruz can't get his own family to touch him.―Michael R. Burch
Sarah Palin is proudly clinging to her God, her Guns and her Constitution ... what she no longer clings to are the tattered vestiges of her sanity.―Michael R. Burch
Ralph Reed correctly stated that "Palin's brand among evangelicals is as gold as the faucets in Trump tower." How true, since both have such remarkably thin veneers.―Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump just tweeted that the Pope is a dope, he doesn't stand a chance at golf, and he's a yuuuge loser because he's never had a "beautiful piece of ass."―Michael R. Burch
The campaign for Complainer-in-Chief is heating up; the chief Republican complaint being that conservative Christians have been denied the right to discriminate against more rational people.―Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz's campaign is in serious trouble, so he's hauling out the heavy guns: Phil Robertson, Jethro, Granny, Mary Ann and Gilligan. Professors need not apply.―Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz, the proud wacko bird, has pledged to defend the U.S. military from gluten-free meals; The Donald immediately trumped him by saying, "Let them eat Trump Cake!"―Michael R. Burch
Creepy Ted Cruz reminds me of a funeral parlor manager trying to sell a distraught family his most expensive casket.―Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz has been accused of leaving cruzz―a sticky, smelly, skuzzy crud―on everything he touches.―Michael R. Burch
The Republican establishment hated Donald Trump ... until they determined the alternative was Ted Cruz. Now Trump is their guy! King Cobra Cruz has that sort of effect on people.―Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz has fully embraced the Dark Side of the Force. He's the Darth Vader of American politics, albeit on the Rick Moranis, Spaceball-ish side.―Michael R. Burch
The Donald says Marco Rubio can't be president because he's an anchor baby and has to be deported; also, he's too soggy for Mr. Trump's best bud, Mr. Putin.—Michael R. Burch
In addition to proving that he is a natural-born American citizen, I believe Ted Cruz should be forced to prove that he is warm-blooded and has a viable heart.―Michael R. Burch
It's very true that Ted Cruz is a man of conviction: he's convicted that it's his way or the highway for those of us with functional hearts and brains.―Michael R. Burch
Recent polls suggest that a Cuban-Canadian president fathered by a Castro fundraiser may not rank all that high on the shopping lists of American voters, after all.―Michael R. Burch
Under a Cruz Controller administration, independent thinking will no longer be optional ... it will absolutely not be allowed!―Michael R. Burch
Ted Carnival Cruz and the Creep Cruzettes will now perform their smash hit, "Let's Carpet Bomb Syria to See if the Sands Glow at Night!"―Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz was obviously planted as a double agent by Fidel Castro as revenge for the Bay of Pigs. Well played, Cuba! Today shutdowns, speaking Spanish mañana!―Michael R. Burch
Ted Cruz claims there aren't many conservatives in Manhattan. Perhaps, but then there aren't many creepy Liberace impersonators in the White House either.―Michael R. Burch
Word Salad
Donald, the Trump of Doom,
garnishes each speech with a poisonous mushroom:
"Come, help make America grate!
Stir in some fear! Mix in some hate!
'Cause I know (from my lack of experience)
that these are the perfect ingredients!
Having owned casinos, Donald Trump knows that the house always wins; that's why he wants to control the biggest house of all: the White House.―Michael R. Burch
Playing into the Hands of ISIS
Trump thinks he is being tough on ISIS [but] Donald Trump is in effect the recruiter-in-chief for ISIS. ISIS wants nothing more right now than to have the world divided into Judeo-Christian on one side and Muslim on the other. That is exactly what Trump is doing for them. I think it's time we started thinking about what ISIS wants and then not doing it.―Ted Koppel
Is Donald Trump a Cartoon Character?
Donald Trump
is a Grinch and a Grump
but he's far worse than any cartoon:
he's a cancerous mass
in a talking ass
and he claims he'll kill children soon.
―Michael R. Burch
Why I Am Truly Thankful for Donald Trump
Christmas is coming,
Tycoons are getting fat;
Please put a scepter
In the Fat Cat's Hat ...
―Michael R. Burch
High Energy Hysteric
The Donald is far from lazy:
he's ultra-high-energy crazy!
And since he talks out of his ass
he spews lots of high-octane gas.
He wants to kill widows and orphans!
Is his brain jacked up on endorphins
or is he as cruel as he sounds
as his nose grows by leaps and bounds?
―Michael R. Burch
Dark Humor: Fascists of a Feather
Fascists of a feather
flock together.
―Michael R. Burch
There is a joke here, but it's dark humor that bears explanation, so here goes. I'm an editor and publisher of Holocaust poetry and Trump reminds me of megalomaniacal fascists like Hitler, Stalin and Kim Jung Un.
Buyer beware ...
of fascists with grand delusions,
improbable effusions
and bizarre hair!
―Michael R. Burch
Trump of Doom
Trump sounds like a very sick puppy to me: the kind that likes to lick up and eat its own vomit and feces. And because he's so full of s**t, there's an endless supply of material for him to regurgitate and recycle.
Donald, the Trump of Doom,
doesn't belong in the White House,
but in a nicely padded white room.
―Michael R. Burch
Trump, you're no "star."
Putin made you an American Czar.
Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen,
pretty soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen.
―Michael R. Burch
The White House resident
is NOT my president.
―Unknown
If you vote for Republicans
that makes you reflublicans!
They don't care like Obama,
not even for your momma.
They'll toss her in the dump,
bowing down to King Trump
in the ritzy Rose Garden
as he writes himself a pardon.
―Michael R. Burch
Top Ten Jokes on American Voters
There are the top ten bad jokes on American voters, by Republican presidential candidates (these are actual "plans" advocated by people like Trump, Carson, Cruz, Rubio, et al) ...
Turn American soldiers into hunters and serial killers of widows and orphans, in violation of the Geneva Conventions, human decency and common sense.―Donald Trump of Doom
Mass murder women and children by carpet-bombing the Middle East with nukes to see if the sands will glow at night.―Ted Cruz Missile
Shoot down a Russian plane that accidentally wanders into a Middle Eastern no-fly zone to "see what will happen."―Welcome to WWIII, courtesy of Crazy Ben Carson
Force pregnant girls and women to die rather than letting them have life-saving abortions, even though in most cases the fetuses would also die.―Mad Marco Rubio and other "fetal personhood" advocates
Deport 11 million people without due process, including women and children, creating a new, bigger Holocaust.―Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
Throw out freedom of religion ("ban all Muslims!") and freedom of speech ("close that Internet up!") because "security" must "rule" and we must do "unthinkable" things.―The Donald trumps the Constitution
Reject the Iran peace deal in order to fight another unwinnable trillion-dollar war on the same false premises as the war with Iraq.―Proposed by the entire GOP
Ignore the very clear evidence of global warming and the advice of climate scientists, risking a world so hot that our children and grandchildren may not be able to venture outside.―Proposed by the entire GOP
Always favor the super-rich over the poor and middle classes on the theory that a little money will "trickle down" in an economic "golden shower."―Proposed by the entire GOP
Spend trillions on new wars, but get rid of things we "can't afford" like Obamacare, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, National Parks, the EPA, etc.―Pat Lyin' Ryan and other GOP big shots
Dishonorable Mention:
I don't believe in evolution ... but I do believe that the pyramids are giant grain silos, even though they're too far from the fields and population centers to be of any use!―Crazy Ben Carson
My brother was a great president ... who cares about an unwinnable trillion-dollar war started on false premises that destroyed Iraq and led to the rise of ISIS?―Jeb Bush-whacker
I am a very, very proud wacko bird ... now please vamoose while I carpet-bomb women and children with nukes to see if the sand will glow at night!―Ted Carnival Cruz of Death and Destruction
[The president] will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.―Mike Huckster-bee (Israel has nukes on submarines and could destroy Iran several times over if attacked.)
Health insurance is slavery!―Crazy Ben Carson and Rand Paul (Haven't we had mandatory car insurance for decades? Is that "slavery" too? Why didn't you object to car insurance, bozos?)
Women who are not perfect tens and men who sweat are not qualified to be president, but then only THE DONALD is anyway!―Ronald McDonald Trump-o'-Doom
The Donald has proven that the myth of the "liberal media" is just that: a myth. The current "reality" news in his own words is "All Trump all the time." Any possible voices of sanity have been drowned out. Insanity rules, as it did during Hitler's ascendency.―Michael R. Burch
Hair Hitler
Sieg Heil, Herr Hitler! Or should it be "Hair" Hitler, as some of the cartoonists now have it? Herr Führer Trump continues to sound more and more like Adolph Hitler. And like "singers" on American Idol who are tone deaf to their musical incompetence, our Hair Hitler seems to be tone deaf to his shrill, strident bigotry. Trump continues to insist that he loves "the blacks," "the Hispanics" and "the Jews" even as he insults them at every turn. And he continues to insist that they "love" him in return, even though the polls say otherwise. Herr Hitler lived in a world of delusions where the dark, dirty, dangerous Jews were responsible for all the problems of white Germans. Now, according to Hair Hitler, white Christians are the cat's meow, while people with darker skin are the "problem." Like Adolph, Herr Führer Trump insists that the "solution" is to separate the races and banish the "bad" people without due process. Like Adolph, he uses fear, lies and racist propaganda, while ignoring any facts he finds inconvenient. How wonderfully well did things work out for Nazi Germany? Not so well, because Adolph Hitler was a high-energy hysteric, not a deep thinker. Hair Hitler is also a high-energy hysteric with zany "ideas." Caveat emptor! (Buyer, beware!)
As Roger Cohen recently pointed out: "The Weimar Republic ended with a clown's ascent to power, a high-energy buffoon who shouted loudest, a bully from the beer halls, a racist and a bigot. He was an outsider given to theatrics and pageantry." Back then no one dreamed that a funny-looking high-energy buffoon like Adolph Hitler would start a war destined to leave much of the world in ruins and kill 70 million people. No one foresaw the horrors of the Holocaust. Now it seems possible that it can happen again, unless the American people exercise much better judgement.
Button! Button!
"Button! Button! Who's got the button?"―Ted Cruz recently suggested that wild men like Donald Trump and Ben Carson cannot be trusted with the nuclear button and codes.
"Maniac! Maniac! Who's the little maniac?"―Donald Trump of Doom quickly countered that Mr. Cruz Missile is the real maniac.
But what if they're both right, and all three Republican frontrunners for president are insane?
GOP Christmas Carol
Christmas is coming,
tycoons are getting fat!
Please put a scepter
in the Fat Cat's Hat!
If you haven't got a scepter,
a tyrant's crown will do,
but if you're not a Christian,
then may GOD bless GOP damn you!
Christmas is coming,
tycoons are getting fat!
Please grab an Uzi
and make Muslims scat!
If you can't deport a Muslim,
any dark-skinned child will do!
If you can't afford an Uzi,
then may GOD bless GOP damn you!
―lyrics updated for the 2015 GOP Christmas Card by Michael R. Burch
Hannity Insanity
Hannity, Hannity,
why the insanity?
Is it really "good news"
when fascists enthuse,
or is it a calamity?
―Michael R. Burch
Sean Hannity's website proclaims the "good news" that large numbers of Republicans believe Donald "Trump of Doom" will win the Republican presidential nomination and the general election. Not so very long ago, large numbers of Germans favored Hitler, most Italians adored Mussolini, and the Japanese public worshipped Emperor Hirohito. How did things work out for those other enthusiastic masses and their idols? What happens when people fall in love with fascists? Fascists tell their followers what they want to hear: that they are simultaneously "supermen" and "victims," and that all the world's problems can be attributed to other people, whether Jews, blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, homosexuals, liberals, socialists, et al. Hitler convinced German white supremacists that getting rid of Jews and Gypsies was the glorious path to national salvation. The result was the Holocaust. Now Herr Trump is preaching the same rabidly intolerant message to a very similar choir. And of course fascists love war and the trappings of war. Herr Trump proudly proclaims himself "the most militant person on the planet" as if that is a good thing. He speaks calmly (if not rationally) about having the U.S. military hunt down the widows and orphans of dead terrorists in order to "take them out" (murder) or make them "suffer" in "retribution." Hitler murdered Jewish women and children and caused them to suffer in terrible acts of "retribution," punishing them for the "sin" of being born into the "wrong" race and religion. Will Americans open their eyes to these dark parallels, or will they make another madman the most powerful person on the planet? The jury is still out ...
Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Jokes, The Best Donald Trump Jokes Part 2, The Best Donald Trump Jokes Part 3, The Best Donald Trump Jokes Part 4, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, The Best Donald Trump Insults, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Donald Trump Nicknames, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends", Where Have All the Birthers Gone?, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?, More Donald Trump Jokes, Is Donald Trump a Fascist?, Donald Trump Trivia, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Ted Cruz the Antichrist?, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia
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