The Best Donald Trump Russia Jokes: Russiagate, Kremlingate, Putingate,
The Best Donald Trump Putin Jokes
What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot.
Here are the best Donald Trump jokes about Russia, Putin, Kremlin-Gate,
Oligarch-Gate, Hate-Gate, etc., by comedians like Samantha Bee, Lewis
Black, Louis C.K., Michael Che, Stephen Colbert, James Corden, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson,
Will Ferrell, Jimmy Kimmel, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Bill
Maher, Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien, John Oliver,
Chris Rock, Amy Shumer, Sarah Silverman and Jon Stewart. We also have quips, quotes, puns, poems, limericks, tweets, memes, nicknames, hashtags,
coinages, campaign slogans, etc.
Nuclear cannonball! Donald "Trump of Doom" enters the American political waters ... but can he really walk on water
or will he belly-flop the world into oblivion?
Putin' It All Together: the Best Jokes about Trump,
Russia, Putin and the Oligarchs
Hillary Clinton pointed out that no living president has endorsed Donald Trump.
Nice try, Hillary, but it just so happens that Vladimir Putin is living !―Seth
Trump is leery of teleprompters because they can be difficult to follow and "I'm
sure it's even harder when you're translating from the original
It is to criticize Trump for
massacring the English language! After all, English only his
unfair language. He's fluent in
Russian and Bullshit. third
A perv, a megalomaniacal fascist, a Russian spy and a con artist enter a bar together. The bartender
looks up and asks, "What'll it be, President Trump?"
Trump has "many stats." But the only ones he believes are Putin's.
Putin now has an American president who does back flips on command.—Rachel
Forget collusion, I want to know if there’s penetration! ―Bill
Q: What do you call it when the Kremlin, Trump Tower and white nationalists
A: Putin' on the Ritz Cracker.
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
Six Russian diplomats have died recently and they all appeared in
Trump's MI6 dossier. While Trump is puttin' on the Ritz, is the KGB Putin on the
If so, why? Here are two possible answers ...
The KGB is rolling up its Trump operations cell.―Ammo Hauler
Mr. Putin has decided that there must be no loose ends that might endanger the
reign of his puppet, Comrade Trumputin!
Trump was being questioned about collusion with Russia. A reporter asked him
point-blank: "Have you or any members of your inner circle ever knowingly
communicated with Russian intelligence agents?" Trump's face flushed
crimson with rage. It took him nearly a minute to regain enough composure to speak.
Then he screamed: "Read my lips ... "―Michael
R. Burch NYET!
Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un start a nuclear war and die at the
same time. They are greeted at the gates of hell by the Devil, who explains that
they can make one final call, but such calls may be VERY expensive. Since they're rich and can't take it with them, all three agree. Putin calls Russia and
talks for five minutes; the charge is one million dollars. Jong-Un calls North
Korea and talks for ten minutes; the cost is two million dollars. Trump calls
his family and talks bigly for hours, but the cost is only five bucks. A
seething Putin demands to know why Trump got off so cheap. The Devil replies:
"Since he took over, the US has gone to hell, so it's a local call!"
To see how
Trump fulfills Biblical prophecies, please click the hyperlink.
Trump is putting the X back in Xmas by X-ing out refugee children and their
mothers. If baby Jesus and Mary showed up needing shelter, Trump wouldn't
provide them with even a lowly manger. Instead, he'd order American soldiers to
drive them back into the wilderness at gunpoint. Meanwhile, this is what the
satanic festivities at the White House looked like last
It's come out that President Trump asked two intelligence chiefs to push back
against the Russia probe. Trump also asked them to make Melania hold his freakin'
Today Trump said he believes in torturing prisoners. Which is bad news for
President Trump today called the appointment of a special counsel to investigate
his campaign's ties to Russia "the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in
American history." Though it didn't help his case much when he flew away on a
Straight from the ass's mouth: Russian politician Vyacheslav Nikonov, a member
of the Duma (ruling assembly), said on live TV that U.S. intelligence "missed it
when Russian intelligence stole the presidency of the United States."
President Trump said today that he never mentioned the word "Israel" as the
source of intelligence about ISIS during a meeting with Russian officials. Dude,
nobody said you did. That's like if your wife said, "Are you having an affair?"
And you said, "I am not sleeping with Jenna!"―Seth Meyers
"Meanwhile, Trump started tweeting again. Today he criticized the Russia
investigation, saying, "This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician
in American history." Then one guy was like, "Do you still want to see my birth
Government officials confirmed this afternoon that a person of interest in the
FBI's Russia investigation is Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. This comes at a
bad time, because the Trump administration has just released its budget. Now
they must be like, "Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money."―James Corden
Today, the former head of the CIA told investigators that the Russians “brazenly
interfered” with our election and actively contacted members of the Trump
administration. And according to The Washington Post, the president
asked two top intelligence officials to publicly deny evidence of collusion, and
also asked them to find ways to get FBI Director James Comey to drop his
investigation. Just like an innocent person would do.―Jimmy Kimmel
If Trump is going to have any chance of winning in 2020, Russian hackers are
going to have to work overtime.—Senator Eric Swalwell
The House Intelligence Committee is reportedly launching an "M.R.I." of the
president’s Russian financing. It may be more like a colonoscopy.― Vanity
This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid
to tell the truth about being a lying a$$hole!―Lewis Black
Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he's sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will
put an end to that!―David Letterman certainly
Fact really is stranger than fiction. Morgan, Lewis & Bockius ― the
law firm advising Trump on handling his business conflicts ― was
named Russia's Law Firm of the Year in 2016!If Trump isn't actually a Russian agent, he's doing a pretty good
imitation of one.—Max Boot
For Trump, all roads lead to Russia.—Jackie Speier The White House reported that Trump is the victim of "malicious leaks."
Apparently, Russian hookers have been peeing on him again.―Michael R. Burch
Is Trump really Putin's Puppet or is The Donald his own man-baby?―Michael R. Burch
Why is Trump spending so much time on the golf course? It's part of his job.
He's practicing to be Mr. Putin's caddy and water boy.
Looking into money laundering around Trump is like investigating
moisture in the middle of the ocean. — Mark Sumner
You’d be swamped with generalized wrath, too, if Congress and special counsel
Robert Mueller were slithering through your prodigious paper trail as they are
Trump’s.―Jack Shafer's "Swamp Diary"
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've got good news and bad news. First the bad
news: The Washington Post reports that Trump revealed highly classified
information to the Russian foreign minister and ambassador. Now the good news:
Trump found the leaker."―Stephen Colbert
Trump telling the truth under oath would be as improbable as Moses parting the
Red Sea, and would also require Divine Intervention.―Michael R. Burch
Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper: the Boychurian Candidate and First Man-Baby
Tiny Hands Trump uses the world's smallest pen and desk to sign his latest
dictatorial proclamations. The women pictured are nannies trying to persuade Bratman to take a nap and stop bullying the world, but
Man-Baby Trump will have none of that! The antsy Combover Kid believes in ACTION,
but hopefully his fingers are still too tiny, weak and delicate to key in the
nuclear codes ...
Trump's nannies applaud as the Boychurian Candidate learns to operate a pen with his
teeny-tiny fingers. Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper is certainly proud of his "big boy"
accomplishment. But so far no one has been able to potty-train his mouth (or his
There's a new reality show about the Trump presidency: The Boss Baby.
Now showing at a theater near you!
Trump tweeted that Obama put a "tapp" on his phones. I think the Testy Toddler
needs a ppat on the back and a good burpp, then a nice long napp.―Michael R.
The Constitution does not allow 13-year-olds to become president and now we can
see why. — Garrison Keillor
Trump supporters voted for change, and , are they going to get it! — Garrison
Keillor, who calls Trump the "boy president" boy
When asked about the firing of James Comey, the Terrible Tyke paused, sucked his
pacifier, adjusted his nappy, then blabbered: "Easy comey, easy goey!"―Michael R. Burch
Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Headmaster Kushner makes all
major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, pouts, preens and
cheats at putt-putt golf.
Trump is coming out with a sequel to The Art of the Deal. His new book
is The Art of the Squeal. Turns out he's not a
master dealmaker, after all, just a whiny brat.
Only in America could a man whose staff took away his Twitter account be given
the nuclear codes.―Graydon Carter
Q: What does Trump say when he looks in the mirror?
A: Pardon me!
Reince Priebus said that he felt "blessed" to serve the Antichrist, er
These are clearly the end times, and now we u nderstand
why the prophets warned us about the
Trump of Doom.―Michael R. Burch
This is no joke, because the most expensive single building ever
sold in the United States was purchased by the Trump family, at Donald Trump: 666
Mark of the Beast? 666
Fifth Avenue, a street that symbolizes money (Mammon). The price was $1.8 billion, which is three more
sixes. Another Trump tower at One Journal Square will be 666
feet high with a price tag of $ 666 million. And still that is
just the tip of the 666 iceberg. The founder of the original
Trump company died on 6-6-6 and her maiden name may shock you:
Elizabeth . You can click the hyperlink to learn more
(no annoying ads or requests for money; this is a public service). Yes, it
does sound like the plot of a new Christ movie, but in this case fact really
stranger than fiction. Ironically, evangelical Christian leaders are now lining
up to endorse Trump. Have the very elect been deceived, just as the Hebrew
prophets predicted thousands of years ago when they warned us to listen for the
Trump of Doom? The Antichrist has been prophesied to be a sort of "reverse twin" of Jesus Christ, as
if Lucifer became flesh and sought to become the Savior of the world. And Trump
has certainly been proclaiming himself as the only possible Savior. For
instance, at a campaign rally in Kiawah Island, S.C., the egomaniacal Trump made
it clear that he, not God Almighty, is the only possible defender of Christians.
Discussing ISIS, Trump said, "Their primary goal is to get to the Vatican. If
and when the Vatican is attacked, the pope would only wish and have prayed that
Donald Trump would have been elected president." In other words, it is useless
for people of faith to pray to God for protection. OMEN Christians should
pray for Trump to save them. After a terrorist attack in
Pakistan on Easter Sunday, Trump tweeted: "Another
radical Islamic attack, this time in Pakistan, targeting Christian women &
children. At least 67 dead, 400 injured. I alone can solve." No
compassion, no condolences, just Trump bragging on Trump. And what arrogance!
Who but the Antichrist would claim to be the only possible savior of Christians? Who but
the Antichrist would claim to be a Christian while denying the need to ask God
for forgiveness? Who but the Antichrist would denigrate Holy Communion by
reducing it to a "little cracker" and a "little wine," when these represent the
sacred body and blood of Jesus Christ to real Christian believers?
Bannon has likened himself to the force of darkness from Star Wars: "Darkness is
good," he told the Reporter. "Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That's
According to Bannon's longtime writing partner, Julia Jones: "Steve is a strong
militarist, he's in love with war—it's almost poetry to him."
Jones was speaking to The Daily Beast in an interview last year, well
before Trump won the election and Bannon landed his new job. "He's studied it
down through the ages, from Greece, through Rome ... every battle, every war
… Never back down, never apologize, never show weakness … He lives in a world
where it's always high noon at the O.K. Corral." In one of the scariest Bannon
quotes that I have seen, he stated confidently that there was "no doubt" the
United States would go to war with China over tiny islands in the South China
Sea! In a March 2016 interview Bannon said: "We're going to war in the South
China Sea in five to ten years. There's no doubt about that. They're taking
their sandbars and making basically stationary aircraft carriers and putting
missiles on those. They come here to the United States in front of our face– and
you understand how important face is–and say it's an ancient
territorial sea." The idea that we would fight a war over tiny islands in order
to save "face" sounds crazy, but such "face saving" was the reason Nixon and
Kissinger refused to pull American troops out of Vietnam until the bitter end.
How many people on both sides died to "save face" in the Vietnam War, one
wonders? How many will die in the next "face saving" war?
Donald Trump is now ahead of Hillary Clinton in the
polls. This was reported today in The Washington Post, and 2,000 years ago in
the Book of Revelation.―Conan O'Brien
Republicans sowed intolerance and in its shadow, Trump sprang up
like toxic fungi. ―Charles M. Blow
Are Republicans hypocrites? Do they tell their children to stand up to bullies,
then like cowards refuse to stand up to Trump, the Ultimate Bully?―Michael R.
The Second Coming of Hitler?
Prominent conservatives like David Koch have compared Trump's plans to ban,
deport and register Muslims en masse to Hitler's fascist methods. Koch
said: "We'll have them all register? That's reminiscent of Nazi Germany. I mean,
Is Hair Hitler the second coming of Herr Hitler?
Hitler claimed that he alone could make German great
again; Trump claims that he alone can make America great again.
Hitler was a media pioneer, using radio broadcasts to
delude the gullible masses; Trump uses Twitter, the Internet and TV.
Hitler used an airplane to fly around Germany, drumming
up support for his insanity; Trump has a private jet.
Hitler's "base" was German white supremacists; Trump's
"base" is American white supremacists.
Hitler scapegoated, banned and deported Jews, just as Trump plans to scapegoat,
ban and deport Muslims and Hispanics.
Hitler's initial "solution" for the Jewish immigrants was giant
internment/concentration camps; Trump's initial "solution" for Hispanic
immigrants would also require giant interment/concentration camps.
Hitler's initial "solution" to the "Jewish problem" didn't work,
nor will Trump's. Will Trump's "final
solution" be the same as Hitler's? Trump has already advocated killing
("taking out") Muslim women and
Hitler was extremely militaristic; Trump has called
himself the most militaristic person on the planet.
Hitler had a titanic ego and thought he was invincible;
ditto for Trump.
Hitler had his brownshirts beat up protestors; Trump
has protestors thrown out and physically manhandled. Like Hitler, Trump has no
use for free speech or diversity, demanding blind obedience and conformity.
Hitler had the world's oddest moustache; Trump has the
world's weirdest combover.
Trump's Russian Swamp
When Trump promised that he would "drain the swamp," he forgot to mention than
he would immediately restock it with cold-blooded Russian krokodils.
Welcome to Trumpistan. Trump is draining the swamp of tadpoles and filling it
with Gila monsters.―Graydon Carter
Trump's plan to "crack down" on Wall Street is to move Wall Street into the
White House.―Trevor Noah, after Trump hired yet another Goldman Sachs hedge fund
Yes, if you can't drain the swamp, why not bring the crocodiles into your living
room and let them work on their death rolls? How entertaining!
Featured Jokes (and Painful Observations)
First, Richard Nixon insisted, "I am not a crook!" Now Donald Trump keeps
insisting, "I am not a Russian spy, codenamed Comrade Trumputin!" — Michael R.
Why is Trump alienating our allies while cozying up to Mr.
Putin? Why did Hitler have bromances with Mussolini and Stalin? Fascists of a
feather flock together.―Michael R. Burch
Trump's real game plan has now been revealed: to make Russia great again, while
making America grate again, with hatred, intolerance and violence.
Americans keep mishearing Trump. He didn't say that he would be "hard on" Russia
and China. He said that he has a "hard on" for Russia and China. — Michael R.
Russia had Peter the Great. Germany had Frederick the Great. But Americans have
been shortchanged, because our first dictator is Donald the Ingrate!
A new poll reveals that 61% of Americans think Trump is dishonest. In related
news, scientists just discovered that 39% of Americans are deaf, blind and
really, really dumb. — Michael R. Burch
Russia is certainly Putin' on the Ritz, as vodka glasses tinkle celebrations in
the Kremlin! It is certainly much easier (and far less expensive) to destroy the
United States from within, than to face its formidable military! Donald Trump
(aka Comrade Trumputin) has wildly exceeded all expectations. Even Mr. Putin
never dreamed that the Brooklyn Bolshevik could bring down the once-mighty USA
Donald Trump crowned Vladimir Putin's girlfriend Miss Universe in 2002. What are
the odds? Was it payback for loads of dirty laundry washed clean by Putin's
Trump whitens and brightens his money the old-fashioned way. He launders
it.―Michael R. Burch
NEWS FLASH: The Mandarin Candidate briefly interrupted his 17-day Bedminster
golf vacation to fan the flames of the Apocalypse into a raging inferno: "North
Korea best not make any more threats to the United States! They will be met with
fire, fury and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen
before!" So forget the horrors of WWII, the Holocaust and Hiroshima. That was
child's play compared to the power Terminator Trump will unleash on the world, if North
Korea emulates the U.S. by issuing threats! But there is one thing the
Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse
wants to make perfectly clear to everyone: he absolutely will not let destroying
the world interfere with his golf game!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal
NEWS CRASH: We can now confirm that Trump is an extremely rare example of the
Orange-Tufted Ostrich, the only creature known to spout
death-inviting nonsense then
bury its head up its own ass to avoid reality. In January, Twitler
"It won't happen!" in regard to North Korea developing nukes that can reach the
United States. Tweetle-Dumb's head has been firmly up his ass ever since. A few months
later, Harry Kazianis, director of defense studies at the Center for the
National Interest, announced: "Today is the day that we can definitely say North
Korea is a nuclear power. There is no more time to stick our heads in the sand
and think we have months or years to confront this challenge." But at last
report, Uncle Ream US was still refusing to budge. King
Leer's voice was faintly heard, however,
muttering something about fire, fury and horrors worse than Hiroshima and
Nagasaki.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
NEWS HALF-FULL GLASS: There has been a reprieve, of sorts. While mADD
Max is still dedicated to the proposition of destroying the
world, he has been so busy playing golf and preening for cameras that he hasn't
had time to do the finger-strengthening exercises necessary for his
digits to key in the nuclear codes! So we may have a few more hours, or perhaps
even days, before the nukes start flying. But please don't get your hopes up.
Trump has the biggest and best golf courses, the biggest and best nukes, and he will
certainly deliver the biggest and best possible Apocalypse! The
Firestarter even informed Gaum's governor that tourism will increase
"tenfold" after he's done his thing, perhaps thinking of tourists gawking at the
Bikini Atoll. Lots of money to be made, true!, but sixty years later nothing can
live there.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal
NEWS SPLASH: Call him the Cuck of the
Walk. A giant inflatable chicken
with a golden 'do was placed outside the White House "to criticize the president
as a weak and ineffective leader," according to Taran Singh Brar, the director
of the documentary film . "He's too afraid to release his
tax returns, too afraid to stand up to Vladimir Putin, and now he's playing
chicken with North Korea!" Alas, Trump was not able to see his uncanny likeness in
person, being in the middle of yet another extended golf vacation. The Chicken Don
Caddy Hack did, however,
take a quick break between mulligans to berate the Senate for not working! As for nicknames,
tend to favor Chicken Little, since Trump is constantly wailing
that the sky is falling.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
NEWS SLASH: The Wrath of Con adamantly refuses to rule out the "military option"
on North Korea, Venezuela, Liechtenstein, Bouvet, Nauru, Timbuktu, Mitch
McConnell, Rosie O'Donnell, Megyn Kelly and Arianna Huffington.―Michael R. Burch
aka "The Loyal Opposition"
As everyone knows (because he keeps reminding us),
Trump only hires the very best people: for example, Mike "Dr. Strangelove" Flynn, Sean
"Scary" Spicer, Reince "and Flush" Priebus
and, of course, the Mooch. But really folks: is it Trump's fault that the very best
people turn into human lemons as soon as they start working under him?
―Michael R. Burch
aka "The Loyal Opposition"
Trump fired James Comey for being too hard on Hillary Clinton. Now he wants to
fire Jeff Sessions for not being hard enough on her! It's like someone gave
Viagra to Pinocchio and it went straight to his nose!
Let me make one thing : I have
perfectly clear to pardon myself for treason!―Donald Trump complete
Let me be : I did
not collude with Russia. Like Sgt. Schultz, I know nutthink!―Jared Kushner
"I am to share any
disinformation I have with investigating bodies!―Jared "Eager Beaver" Kushner
(BTW, investigating bodies is his father-in-law's favorite pastime!) eager
Kremlingate aka Russiagate, Trumpgate and Comeygate
G.O.P. now stands for "Government of Putin" and it is clearly of Putin, by Putin
and for Putin.―Michael R. Burch
"Give 'Em Hell" Harry S. Truman said, "The buck stops here." One the other hand,
Donald Drumpf said, "The ruble starts here!"
"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of
our assets," Donald Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008,
"We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when
golf writer James Dodson asked Eric Trump how his father could finance golf
courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such assets, he
answered: "We don't rely on American banks. We have all the funding we
need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings"
with Russia, he is obviously lying. And Trump Jr. made the purpose of his
treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents crystal-clear when he
informed Jared Kushner and Paul Manafort about the covert operation in an email
with the subject heading: "Russia―Clinton―private and confidential." Folks,
it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!
There will be no single smoking gun that will bring down this White House. It
will be death by firing squad—or perhaps a sequence of firing squads—as the
whole story inexorably pours out of the administration's smoldering ruins.―Frank
In this sad but predictable tale, the GOP is the Titanic, while the
Trump-Kushner gang is the iceberg that everyone can see but cannot possibly
avoid. The difference is that Republicans will apparently give no thought to
saving American women and children first, and will act merely for
self-preservations, like rats abandoning a sinking vessel.
First, the good news: We have discovered the source of White House leaks! Now,
the bad news: The treasonous leaker is the Big Leaker, President Trump himself, pissing on the truth.
The terse order to fire Comey came straight from Mr. Putin ―"and was carried out by Acting President Jared "Jarhead" Kushner
and Acting First Lady-Daughter Ivanka Trump-Kushner. Nyet
Comrade Trumputin was informed of Comey's termination while he was cheating at
putt-putt golf and stealing milk money from kindergartners. The Donald grinned
almost as widely as when he celebrated robbing millions of less-fortunate Americans of their
healthcare. "Все в день работы!" the Brooklyn Bolshevik exclaimed ("All in a
day's work!"). He then referred all questions to Sean "Scary" Spicer and Kellyanne "Wrongway" Conway. Later, Trumputin was said to be "very disappointed"
when he learned that "termination" meant "fired" rather than "executed." But he
must be excused, because he is still struggling with his non-native language,
English. He is much more fluent in his primary languages: Russian and Bullshit.
James Comey was Trump's homey when he investigated Hillary Clinton's emails. But
when he refused to be Trump's lapdog, it was time for him to be neutered.
Now everyone is breathlessly awaiting word on who Putin will choose to replace FBI
Director James Comey.―Gisele Dussault
In the Kremlin the top-secret plan for Putin to control Trump is code-named
"Operation Taming of the Orange Shrew." — Michael R. Burch
Trump, you're no "star."
Putin made you an American Czar.
Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen,
soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen.
―Michael R. Burch
The White House resident
is NOT my president.
If you vote for Republicans―Michael R. Burch
that makes you re flublicans!
They don't care like Obama,
not even for your momma.
They'll toss her in the dump,
bowing down to King Trump
in the ritzy Rose Garden
as he writes himself a pardon.
Trump is Wilhuff Tarkin, the evil but fragile Death Star commander. Bannon is
his forbidding overlord, Darth Vader. The orders are issued in the
background by the real mastermind, Emperor Putin.
All Trump's tweets boil down to one simple message: "I am the ANTICHRIST!
Praise, worship and obey me while I summon the Apocalypse!"
According to the latest intelligence, Donald Trump is known at the Kremlin as
Secret Agent 666, codename THE BEAST.
George Washington is the father of the United States. Donald Trump is the father
of the United States Serving Russia, the new U.S.S.R.
Get with the Program
C'm'on lefties! Admit that Donald Trump has been on China. He has been
on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his menswear. He has also
been especially tough on
Hispanic kids. He will be incredibly tough
on the Syrian kids he says we must "take out"
( even tougher ) in order to win
the war on terror. No wonder he's the idol of white supremacists
everywhere! What a tough guy, what a Putin-like strongman, what a steely-eye
hero, making damn sure that Syrian toddlers don't overthrow our vaunted armed forces
in one of the great military coups of all time! Get with the
murder! program pogrom, you
bleeding-heart lefties! Surely you know that Jesus Christ would have gone Rambo,
grabbed his assault weapon and made damn sure that no Syrian babe or widowed
mother ever received shelter on these Christian shores! Are you
like President Obama to suggest that Americans should
have the courage to show compassion to unfortunate people who are not
Christians? (And insane please, , please
don't remind us about the parable of the
Good Samaritan!)―Michael R. Burch PLEASE
Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he screams, "Take out kids!"
Where's his self-alleged "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?
—Michael R. Burch
The universe's dark forces are in perfect alignment! Mr. Putin and Acting
President Bannon want exactly the same thing: the destruction of American
democracy and its worldwide influence.
"I'm a Leninist," Bannon told The Daily Beast in 2013. "Lenin wanted to
destroy the state, and that's my goal too. I want to bring everything crashing
down, and destroy all of today's establishment."
Of course Mr. Putin fully supports President Bannon's anti-American initiatives
and has ordered his puppet, Comrade Trumputin, to aid and abet Benedict Bannon's acts of
treason, espionage and sabotage.
Why does Trump reject American intelligence? His handler, Mr. Putin, is a KGB
spook who despises and fears American intelligence. Comrade Trumputin is just
Comrade Trumputin did not inform Congress of his Syrian missile strike, but he
did inform Russia. It seems perfectly clear that Mr. Putin is running the show, and that
Trump is Putin's Puppet.
ProfessorNina Khrushcheva was asked if Donald Trump is playing into Mr. Putin's
hands. The responses from the intelligence expert were probative: "He's been
playing into Putin's hands for over a year now," replied Professor Khrushcheva.
"So it is not more than he has done already." The host said that many people
have the picture of Putin sitting back and just saying 'Oh yes.' "And you know
what," Khrushcheva continued. "This is such a correct picture ... Because I was
just in Moscow and the Russians are saying, 'Look at those fools. Look at their
democracy. Absolutely, how can America lecture us on any development
institutions, human rights, democracy rhetoric when they just elected Donald
Trump? He is such a fool. He is such a bully. That is what America deserves. And
we are going to take advantage of it.' And that's how Russians feel about it.
And now it's taking shape with letters from Vladimir Putin to Donald
Trump reportedly wanted tanks and missile launchers to roll down Pennsylvania
Ave. ―shades of Putin!―but the heavy tanks would have
destroyed the road. Trump was heartbroken!
Who was the real winner at Trump's inauguration? Mr. Putin, who can now take
back Ukraine and other former USSR satellites while Trump fawns, bows and
From Russia, with Love ... signed, sealed, delivered ... he's yours, care of Mr.
Putin ... your new leader:
Paul Ryan said, "I think Russia is a global menace led by a man who is
menacing." Donald Trump said, "Thanks for getting me elected, Mr. Putin!
may I serve you?"
The CIA, FBI and NSA all agree that Putin tried to get Trump elected. Why?
Apparently, Putin wants America to hate again, and no one can incite hatred like
Why does Trump want Rex Tillerson for Secretary of State? "He goes into a
country, takes the oil, goes into another country." Yikes, that's the Dick
Cheney master plan that led to the rise of ISIS!
Voters got a taste of Trump's presidency when Trump kissed a bare-chested Putin
on the mouth in an SNL skit. The Trump-Putin bromance is so hot, there will soon
be a Putin bedchamber in the White House!
Trump is most certainly a
Russian spy, because spies know how to keep important things secret. Trump is
the consummate inane babbler. He is Putin's puppet, but not a spy.
Trump said he respects Mr. Putin. Bill O'Reilly asked, "Why? He's a murderer!"
Trump responded that his AmeriKKKa is not so innocent; thus murdering innocents
is just business as usual.
Former CIA Deputy Director Michael Morell called President Donald Trump's
apparent comparison of Russian President Vladimir Putin's human rights
violations to American actions "bizarre." In an interview on CBS This
Morning, Morell said: "It suggests he doesn't have a good understanding of
what Putin has done over a very long period of time. (Putin) has killed dozens
of dozens of journalists, of political opponents … both inside of Russia and
outside of Russia."
But there's the rub, because Trump evidently would dearly love
to silence American journalists. It's not that Trump doesn't understand what
Putin has done ―it's that he can't wait to knock off a few
Trump just received 38 new trademarks in China, including one for "escort
services." Yes, he is
"hard" on China ... positively rigid! really
"Escort services" sounds about right, though one source also calls it "concierge
services." Either way, someone is getting screwed. — Walter Einenkel in Daily
Top Ten Donald Trump Hashtags
#Resist #DumpTrump #NeverTrump #RetireBitch (Danny Devito) #Trump666 #HissyFitHitler
(Elizabeth Harris Burch aka Ladydragyn) #NotMyPresident #NoWalls #EqualityForAll
Trump's latest idea to "make American great again" is a real doozy that puts him
in the same category as Herr Hitler. Our new Hair Hitler recently insisted three times that
the world's most powerful nation must wage war on women and children, "taking
them out" like pawns in a game of incredibly bloody chess. Asked during a
Fox News interview about civilian casualties in the war on terror,
Trump replied: "We're fighting a very politically correct war [by trying to
avoid harming civilians] ... And the other thing is with the terrorists,
When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families . They care about their lives, don't kid
yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. you have to take
out their families
William Finnegan pointed out in an article for You have to take out their families The New Yorker, "Even
Slobodan Milosevic knew better than to talk like that in public." Also what
Trump said makes no sense, because if the terrorists really do care about their
lives, you can use their lives as "leverage" and don't have to take out their
families. Not to mention that murdering noncombatant women and children is evil
and a violation of international law and basic human decency.) According to
our hysterical Herr Trump, it is "politically correct" (i.e., very bad) to try to
avoid killing women and children, and the best way to "win" the war on terror is
to become serial killers of women and children ourselves! Herr
Trump, welcome to the club that includes Hitler, Stalin, Mao Zedong, Pol Pot,
Idi Amin, Ivan the Terrible, Attila the Hun and Genghis Khan! How proud
Americans will be when as Commander-in-Chief you order our highly-skilled
professional soldiers to "take out" women and children! What a tough guy, what a
hero, what a leader of men! Sieg Heil, Herr Trump!
A pale neo-Nazi, Herr Trump,
screamed "Take them all out!" at the stump:
"Mothers and kiddies!
Grandpappies, old biddies!
Just blow up the whole damn dump!"
—Michael R. Burch
If this discussion interests you, you can continue reading at
Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends"
Trumpisms: Donald Trump Coinages, by Michael R. Burch
Tr umphant (adj.) feeling or
expressing jubilation after claiming to have won a victory entirely on one's own
merits: "I came, I lied, I claimed to be the Savior of the World, I conquered!" I
Trumped (v., past tense) having won through subterfuge: "Trump's lies trumped
facts for millions of his supporters."
Trump Change: (n.) chump change with a few extra zeroes tacked on
Trumpageddon (n.) Armageddon, only much worse because we have to listen to
Donald Trump brag about his superiority while he destroys the world
Trumpaholic (n.) someone addicted to his own bullshit
Trumpbone (n.) a musical instrument similar to a trombone which plays
only discordant notes
Trumpass (n.) a compass that always points at one's ass
Trumpathon: (n.) a TV event in which Donald Trump goes on and on and on about
how "rich," "successful" and "good looking" he is
Trumpectomy (n.) a type of brain surgery similar to a lobotomy in which an
oversized ego is removed
Trumpet (n.) a mouthpiece only good for constantly tooting one's own horn
Trumpetry (n.) the art of constantly tooting one's own horn.
Trumpism (n.) anything that is wildly exaggerated in a boorish fashion
Trumple (v.) to trample and crumple, while insulting one's victims in the
Trumplestiltskin (n.) the title of a book about a man who falls asleep, dreams
that he is the king of the world, and never wakes up from his absurd fantasy
Trumposity (n.) the quality of being pompous, loud and overbearing
Trumptanic (n.) the name of a ship that has been advertised to be "unsinkable"
but in reality is so full of holes that it can never leave dry dock
Trumptastic (adj.) something purported to be wonderful that turns out to be
Trumpupmanship (n.) claiming to be better than everyone at everything
Trumputopia (n.) a mythical land in which alpha male chauvinism rules and
everything is magically "great"
Anchor husband (n.) a rich American man who marries foreign supermodels so that
they can live in the US "legally"
Con-serve-ative (n.) a reality TV star who cons gullible people into believing
that he wants to serve them, rather than vice versa
Con-fusion (n.) the chaos produced when a con-serve-ative convinces gullible people
that he will "help them come together"
Con-flation (n.) what our economy will experience a fter
Donald Trump has conned us into electing him president
Mock-umentary (n.) a documentary of Donald Trump mocking everything and everyone
C'mon folks, please be fair! To call Trump a "lame duck" is an insult to
handicapped waterfowl everywhere!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
A recent poll indicates that 36% of Republicans still approve of Trump. In
related news, scientists have just confirmed that 36% of Republicans are deaf,
blind and very, very dumb!―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
Trump is taking us from unprecedented to unpresidented.―Michael R. Burch aka
"The Loyal Opposition"
Trump supporters continue to stand by their sham.―Michael R. Burch
Best Donald Trump Jokes,
The Best Donald
Trump Jokes Part 2,
The Best Donald
Trump Jokes Part 3,
The Best Donald Trump Puns,
The Best Donald Trump Limericks,
The Best Donald Trump Insults,
2016 Republican First Presidential Debate,
Is there a Republican War on Women?,
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Donald Trump Nicknames,
Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump,
Donald Trump's "Muslim Friends",
Where Have All the Birthers Gone?,
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Ted Cruz Nicknames,
Is Ted Cruz an Anchor Baby?,
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Is Donald Trump a Fascist?,
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Is Ted Cruz the Antichrist?,
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Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?,
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Donald Trump in his
Own Words: Fact-Checking Trump,
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