Michael Cohen Nicknames and Quotes
This page contains the best Michael Cohen nicknames and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few nicknames that I came up with myself.
Michael Cohen nicknames have been coined by Stephen Colbert, Matt Drudge, Seth Meyers, Robert De Niro, Lawrence O'Donnell, SNL, Roger Stone, Donald Trump and Brian Williams.
Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?
Michael Cohen, known as Trump's Fixer, had the best line during his public testimony before Congress, when he told Republicans who attacked him in defense of their boss: "I did the same thing that you’re doing now for ten years. I protected Mr. Trump for ten years."
Another memorable Michael Cohen quote: "For the record, Individual No. 1 is President Donald J. Trump."
Michael Cohen Nicknames
Trump's Personal Detourney (Michael R. Burch)
Michael Cohen produced evidence of a check signed by Trump while he was president as reimbursement for Cohen's $130,000 payoff to porn star Stormy Daniels.
The Smoking Gun (Lawrence O'Donnell)
Dean Cohen (his full name is Michael Dean Cohen)
Cohen showed Congress copies of the threatening letters to colleges and schools that Trump directed him to write in order to prevent them from releasing his grades.
Citizen Cohen (since Cohen finally agreed to tell the truth about his and Trump's crimes)
Michael Cohen says that he decided to tell the truth for the sake of his family and country. He told Congress: "Today, I get to decide the example that I set for my children." He now admits that he was taking orders from a racist, a con man and a cheat.
The Cohenhead (pun on Conehead)
During his public testimony before the House Oversight Committee, Michael Cohen called himself a "fool" for doing the things Trump commanded. Cohen also testified that being around Trump initially was "intoxicating."
The 130,000 Dollar Man (he "facilitated" a 130K payoff to porn star Stormy Daniels)
The Stormy Trooper
Mr. LOC and Lode (after Cohen said he used his home equity line-of-credit, or LOC, to pay off Stormy Daniels)
The Fixed Fixer
Michael Cohen told Congress that "lying for Mr. Trump is normal."
Cohen told Congress the president was aware he was going to lie during his initial testimony because the president's lawyers reviewed his testimony under a joint defense agreement.
Former Trump Lawyer and Regret Emoji Michael Cohen (Stephen Colbert alter ego)
The Garbage Man (Roger Stone said Trump treats Cohen like garbage, according to the New York Times)
The Weakling (Donald Trump called Cohen "very weak" for finally telling America the truth)
The Runt (according to White House insider reports, Trump demeaned and abused Cohen)
Screw Tape is a pun on Screwtape, the main character in the C. S. Lewis novel The Screwtape Letters, which he dedicated to his friend J. R. R. Tolkien. There are reports that Michael Cohen didn't trust Trump and kept recordings of their conversations. If so, those tapes are now in the hands of Robert Mueller and Trump is probably "screwed."
Trump's Personal Lapdog (or perhaps a pug-poodle-pit bull hybrid?)
The Pits Bull
Hell Hound and Cerberus (the monstrous three-headed hound that guards the gates of hell)
The Gratekeeper (Michael R. Burch, a pun on "gate" and "great")
The Canary ("I know why the caged Cohen sings!" to paraphrase Maya Angelou)
Vincent van Going to Jail (Stephen Colbert alter ego)
Stormy's Little Bitch (Robert De Niro, on SNL)
Dishonorable Mention: Trump's Ty-D-Bowl Man (Cohen keeps those gold-plated Trump toilets flushing), Mr. Scrubbing Bubbles, Mr. Toilet Wand, Mr. Unclean, Lie-Sol, Brain Drain Max Clog Remover, Kaboom, Liquid A$$ets, The Valet, Sugar Daddy, The Ultimate Loyalist, The Lackey, Roadkill, The Bullet Taker, Human Kevlar, The Remora (he's attached himself to the Great White Snark), The Sicko-Phant, The Parrot, Putin's Laundry Boy, Trump's Guard Dog, The Brownnoser, Monkey Wrench, Flipper, The Self-Flipper, Mr. Flip Flop, Flip Flop Flap, The Flip Ant Attorney, Jailbait, Master Baiter, Blind Ambition, Blind Loyalist (Lawrence O'Donnell), Michael "The Bullshit" Cohen (Seth Meyers "mob" nickname, patterned after Sammy "the Bull" Gravano), The Keeper of the Secrets, The Former Keeper of the Secrets (Brian Williams of MSNBC), Prosecutors' Gold Mine, Dead Man Walking (after Mueller gets done with him), Dead Man Talking, Gutterball (Cohen said he wanted to "gut" Megyn Kelly, when all she did was quote what Trump had said in public), Moscow Mike (because he was the point man on the Moscow Trump Tower project), The Kompromat, Putin's Little Bitch (Robert De Niro, on SNL), Diploma Mill Mike, The Milker, The Serial Biller, The Sex Symbol (Cohen paid John Gauger, the owner of RedFinch Solutions, to boost his rating as a "sex symbol"), Mr. Creepypants (after he posted a picture of his daughter in her sexiest black undies), Edgy Segue (pun on Edie Sedgwick, after Cohen said his daughter was following in the footsteps of Edie Sedgwick, an "It Girl" and Andy Warhol "youthquaker" who was frequently photographed in skimpy undies), M. C. Hammer (Rachel Maddow), M. C. Shammer (Michael R. Burch), The Rat (Matt Drudge), The Drowned Rat that Jumped Ship from Trump's Titanic, The Ultimate Groupie, The Groper's Groupie
Michael Cohen's lawyer Lanny Davis has been called Classic Lanny Davis.
Michael Cohen's reputed business partner Evgeny Freidman nicknames: Gene, The Taxi King, The Taxi Kingpin, Freed Man (according to the Washington Post, he got a sweet deal for cooperating with prosecutors and will not have to spend time in jail despite what sounds like massive fraud and tax evasion), The Canary (will he soon be singing?)
Nicknames of People Named in Cohen's Transcript and Other People Close to Donald Trump
Donald Trump: The Donald, Agent Orange, Man-Baby, The Short-Fingered Vulgarian, Lord Voldemort, Little Horn, The Trump of Doom, THE ANTICHRIST
Melania Trump: The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd), First Babe, Melania Antoinette (Michael R. Burch), Melanoma, I Candy, The Cold One, JEZEBEL
Jared Kushner: Poor Little Rich Bitch, Little Jared (Ana Navarro), Baby Boy (Ana Navarro), Cushy Kushner, Little Cushball, Jarhead, Jared "the Red", NIMROD
Ivanka Trump: Ivanka Tramp, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, I Candy, Trophy Daughter, The First-Lady-Daughter, The Smart One, FALLEN ANGEL
Donald Trump Jr.: Junior, Dunce Jr., Ponyboy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead, Fredo Corleone, Frito, Fraido, The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead, GOG
Eric Trump: Eric the Red, Eric the Brain Dead, Eric of Orange, Eric Idle, Mr. Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto, Draco Malfoy, Sonny Corleone, Sonny-Boy, MAGOG
Mike Pence: Trump's Poodle (George F. Will), Ashen Weasel (John Oliver), Past Tense Pence (Allan Ishac), Hoosier, Out of the Loop Dupe (USA Today)
Allen Weisselberg: The Weasel, The Beancounter, Trump's Financial Gatekeeper, The Keeper of the Crypt, The Burier of the Dead Financial Bodies, The CFO
Matthew Calamari: Matty, The Squid, The Bodyguard, The Chauffeur, Killer Calamari (he said he would kill for Trump), Trump's Door Matt, The COO
Ron Lieberman: The Concession King, Lieber Dish, Ron "Lie for the Man" Lieberman, The A$$et Inflator
Rhona Graff: The Gatekeeper, Trump's Gatekeeper, Trump's Right Hand Woman, Graff Spree, The Keeper of the Graft, The A$$istant
Jay Sekulow: Jay Bird, The Redliner, Trump's Detourney General
Alan Garten: The Kindergartener, The Nanny, The Chaperone
George Sorial: Trump's Right Hand Man, King Gorge, The Dean (he sued the Better Business Bureau for giving Trump University a C-minus!)
More Michael Cohen Quotes
When asked why he finally left Trump, Michael Cohen replied: "Helsinki, Charlottesville, watching the daily destruction of our civility."
Cohen said that when he and Trump were "driving through a struggling neighborhood in Chicago, he commented that only black people could live that way. And, he told me that black people would never vote for him because they were too stupid." The NAACP weighrf in: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Donald Trump has been showing us his true colors for decades. Trump’s presidency and entire career has been an affront to civil rights so nothing in Michael Cohen’s testimony is surprising for a person that has historically racialized and stigmatized those around him."
Trump "reveled" in not paying small businesses, Cohen told the House Oversight Committee.
Cohen told Congress that he asked Trump for medical records documenting his "bone spurs" but there were none. Cohen looked right into the camera as he remarked to the president that it's "ironic" he's in Vietnam right now.
Again speaking directly to the president, Cohen said: "I have fixed things, but I am no loner your fixer Mr. Trump."
“The more people that follow Mr. Trump as I did blindly are going to suffer the same consequences that I’m suffering,” Cohen said, referring to Republicans.
Cohen testified that Trump “would use others” to intimidate people.
Cohen said he briefed Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump Jr. about the Trump Tower Moscow project. Said there were about “ten total” briefings.
Cohen said Don Sr. thinks Don Jr. has terrible judgment.
Cohen revealed the history of the discussions in the fall of 2016 about Stormy Daniels getting paid "hush money" through her former lawyer, Keith Davidson: “What I would do each time is go straight into Mr. Trump’s office” and discuss it with him, Cohen said. “In the office with me was Allen Weisselberg, the chief financial officer of the Trump Organization.” So there is a witness and Weisselberg is cooperating with the Mueller investigation. According to Cohen the hush money payment was “figured out” in Weisselberg’s office.
“Mr. Trump’s desire to win would have him work with anyone,” Cohen said in regard to possible collusion.
Cohen said inflated financial documents were provided to Deutsche Bank when Trump wanted to obtain funding to place a bid on the Buffalo Bills. So add bank fraud to the list of Trump's alleged crimes.
Chris Christie noted that not a single Republican had tried to defend the president on the substance of Cohen's accusations, then observed: “I think that’s something that should be concerning to the White House ... Where's the defense of the president?" Or is Trump simply indefensible?
Cohen said that Jay Sekulow made changes to Cohen’s testimony, “including how we were going to handle that message [of no collusion with Russia].”
Cohen said documents at the Trump Organization would show that Trump knew and was close to Felix Sater, a man he said under oath he didn’t know, but who worked on the 26th floor of the Trump Tower (the same floor where Trump has his office). Sater once said that he would "pop" into Trump's office to discuss the Moscow Project.
Cohen said the president of the United States, a year into his term, in February 2018, called him to direct him to lie about his involvement with and knowledge of the Stormy Daniels payments.
Cohen said Trump asked him to threaten people or entities on his behalf more than 500 times.
Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Eric Trump Nicknames, Rudy Giuliani Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Joe Arpaio Nicknames, Stephen Miller Nicknames, Sean Spicer Nicknames, Devin Nunes Nicknames, Michael Cohen Nicknames, Mike Pence Nicknames, Marsha Blackburn Nicknames, Diane Black Nicknames, Mick Mulvaney Nicknames, James Mattis Nicknames, Ann Coulter Nicknames, Rush Limbaugh Nicknames, Roger Stone Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Ted Cruz Nicknames, Mitt Romney Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Inauguration Poetry, Donald Trump Curtsy or Bow?, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Is there a Republican War on Women?, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, 2016 Republican Debate, Ted Cruz Quotes, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes