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Mitch McConnell Nicknames: Moscow Mitch, Snitch, The Napping Turtle, McConHell, Koch Addict, Cocaine Mitch

This page contains the best Mitch McConnell nicknames that I have been able to find, and some that I came up with myself. Mitch McConnell nicknames have been coined by Donald Trump, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Don Blankenship, Allan Ishac and Daily Kos.

Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

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Mitch McConnell is a nearsighted, very lethargic Napping Turtle who needs lots of beddy-bye time. That's why MIA Mitch constantly shows up AWOL: he's sleeping on the job. Mitch McTurtle said Senate Republicans have not "felt the urgency of acting immediately.” The Rigger Tortoise said this with 36 million Americans unemployed, many of them living paycheck to paycheck, and with a staggering coronavirus death toll that continues to rise inexorably with no end in sight. What sort of evidence do nearsighted, lethargic Senate Republicans like Last Ditch Mitch McCon-Hell need?

"This is a disappointment, a disappointment indeed! I regret that our efforts [to rob 30 million Americans of healthcare] were simply not enough at this time!"Mitch "The Snitch" Muck-Con-Hell

The Napping Turtle also hid under his desk and slept through Senate sessions while 800,000 federal workers suffered through the Trump Shutdown. He was caught napping again when Trump's election lies and inflammatory rhetoric led to a mob assault on our nation's Capitol building that left five people dead and 50 police officers injured. Where was MIA Mitch before the mob attacked?

The Top Ten Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Expanded to a Baker's Dozen

The Turtle (Jon Stewart)
The Napping Turtle (Michael R. Burch)
Dick Turtle
Rigger Tortoise (pun on Rigor Mortis)
The Purposeless Tortoise (Michael R. Burch)
The Contortionist Tortoise
Old Slow But Unsteady
Bitch McTurtle
Fuckface McTurtlebitch
Mitch Muck Turtle
Squirtle McTurtle
Mitch McSquirtle
Mitch MuckSquirtle
Trump's Lap Turtle
Doby the House Elf
The Trump Toady
Hobbling Bobbling Gobbler
Senate Majority Leader and Unacknowledged Lovechild of Admiral Ackbar (Stephen Colbert "alter ego")
AWOL
Moscow Mitch McConnell
Moscow Mitch Muck-Con-Hell
MIA Mitch

Mitch the Snitch repeatedly said it was "pointless" to submit bills to end the Trump Shutdown if they couldn't pass, even though the original bill had unanimous support in the Senate and was only derailed by Trump freaking out when he was intimidated by Chairman Ann Coulter and Rush Out-On-A-Limb-Baugh. But as soon as Treasonous Trump came up with his evil plan to hold the Dreamers hostage for three years, Mitch Muck-Con-Hell said he would rush to hold a vote on Trump's proposal, even though it has no chance of becoming law. 

Mitch McConnell Coronavirus Nicknames

For his multitudinous efforts on its behalf, the coronavirus has granted Mitch McConHell the following titles and epaulets:

The Coronavirus's Best Friend
Coronavirus in Semi-Human Form
Human-COVID-Turtle Hybrid #666
The COVID Hominid
Kid Corona
The Covid Kid
The COVIDiot
Mitch Pro Pandemic
The Hyper Ventilator
The Wuhan Conman
The China Sin-Drone (Michael R. Burch)
Coronavirus on the Half-Wit Shell

More Mitch McConnell Nicknames

Mitch McConnell is three Spleen-Aged Mutant Ninny Turtles rolled into one:

Mitchellangelo (a Spleen-Aged Mutant Ninny Turtle gone over to the Dark Tide)
Donald-Tell-All (another Spleen-Aged Mutant Ninny Turtle gone over to the Dark Tide)
Lie-o-Nerd-o (the third of an unholy Turtle Trinity!)

The Constitutional Con-Swerve-ative
Shell Game McConnell ("Gavel! Gavel! Who's got the gavel?)

Where the hell
is the man in the shell?
He let the gavel fall;
he's shitting bricks in a stall.
Mitch has gone AWOL!
―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

AWOL (sounds like "a wall")
AWOL McConnell
The Senate Majority Fleer (he flees votes the way mice flee a cat)
Where's Waldo? (a pun on Wall-Dough and invisibility)
#WheresMitch (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez)

Nancy Pelosi just announced that the Trump "State of the Disunion Address" will be delivered from the closet where Mitch McConnell hides to avoid Senate votes.―Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez looked for Mitch the Snitch everywhere. He wasn't in his office working to end the Trump Shutdown. He wasn't hiding in his cloakroom, unless he was cloaked with invisibility. He wasn't on the Senate floor, leading Republicans back to sanity, decency and responsibility. So where was he? “He seems to be running away from us,” said Ocasio-Cortez, 29, the youngest female member of Congress in history. “Eight-hundred thousand people don’t have their paychecks,” Ocasio-Cortez observed. “So where’s Mitch?”  

But Mitch Ditch Dweller did finally reveal his whereabouts: “We’re all behind the president,” McConnell said after Trump visited Republican senators at the Capitol. He was busy brownnosing.

The Invisible Man
Nowhere Man (apologies to the Beatles)
Mitch Ditch Dweller
Mitch "hide in the ditch" Bait Switch

Shirknado (Michael R. Burch)
The Work Shirker (Donald Trump in a tweet demanding that McConnell "get back to work")
Mr. Repeal & Replace (Donald Trump in a tweet attacking McConnell for seven years of talk but no action)
The Shutdown King
Mr. Shutdown
Nero Fiddling While Rome Burns
The Gravedigger

If the US has someone whom historians will look back on as the gravedigger of American democracy, it is Mitch McConnell.—Holocaust historian Christopher Browning

Powered Down Android (emphasis on 'roid)
Monsieur Milquetoast (because he never stands up to Trump, even when millions of Americans are suffering)

McCon
Mitch Muck-Con-Hell (Michael R. Burch)
Mitch McConHell (Michael R. Burch)
Mitch McConHeel (Michael R. Burch)
The Mindless Obstructionist

Mitch Muck-Con-Hell now: "As I've said time and time again: Mindless obstruction is unacceptable. The only way this divided Congress will be able to choose greatness and deliver significant legislation is by focusing on—as President Trump put it—'cooperation, compromise, and the common good.'"

Mitch Muck-Con-Hell then: "One of my proudest moments was when I looked Barack Obama in the eye and I said, 'Mr. President, you will not fill the Supreme Court vacancy.'"


The Untamed Shrew (apologies to Shakespeare)
The Hyperactive Death Hamster
The Lethal Chipmunk
Angry Cheek Pouches
The Spineless Spin Hamster
Chinless Chipmunk
Chip McTurtlemunk (the first chipmunk-turtle hybrid)
Chip McTurtlemuck (as in muckraker)
Chip Muck (ditto)
Watership Drown

Mitch McConnell stars in a hare-brained scheme to launch a new Titanic against the Obamacare Niceberg.

Venomous Tree Frog
The Murderous Munchkin
The Energizer Bunny from Hell
The Cowardly Lyin' King
The Sloth
The Hippo Critter (pun on hypocrite)

Cocaine Mitch (Don Blankenship: "Ditch Cocaine Mitch!")
Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Rubber Stamp
The Serial Biller (Michael R. Burch)
The Zodiac Biller (Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Caddy (Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Swamp Stocker (Michael R. Burch)
Figgy

Why did McConHell say that he would support Trump's "national emergency"? That was a "cost-free fig leaf" that allowed Mitch the Snitch to get the spending bill passed without further political cost to himself and his fellow brown-nosing Republican senators. Or so he hopes.

Mitch the Snitch
Mitch the Bitch
Mitch the Snitch-Bitch
Mitch the Glitch
Mitch the Twitch
Mitch the Shitz
Mitch the Fritz
Mitch Switch Bait
Bitch McConnell
Ditch McConnell (as we all should!)
Mitch the Ditch Dweller
Last Ditch Mitch (Allan Ishac)
Pitchman Mitch
Mr. Three Strikes and You Pout (Michael R. Burch)
Mr. Bait, Switch and Kill
The Artful Codger
The Blindsider

Orange Sauron's Miniature Werewolf-Turtle-Chipmunk Hybrid
Chinless Mitch
The Sallow A$$a$$in (Michael R. Burch)
Pale Man (from Pan's Labyrinth)
The Genteel Racist (Daily Kos)
Poster Boy for the Revival of the Lobotomy Industry
The Rose Garden Tea Partier (McConnell, Trump and Ryan celebrated the denial of healthcare to millions in the White House Rose Garden)
Lamar's Flame (he wept at Lamar Alexander's resignation but not for the millions of Americans he tried feverishly to deprive of healthcare during the pandemic)

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