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Melania Trump Nicknames, Jokes and Quotes

This page contains the best Melania Trump nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, along with some choice Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Tiffany Trump and other Trump family nicknames ...

According to White House insiders, Ivanka Trump calls Melania "The Portrait" while Melania calls Ivanka "The Princess." Because Ivanka is her father's Proxy Wife and the First Lady-Daughter, Donald Trump is a bigamist and that's why the Pope looks so glum.

But all is well that ends well! In the middle of a pandemic that has killed more than 275,000 Americans, Melania Antoinette has completed her White House Tennis Pavilion! Let them eat cake! Meanwhile, ICE Princess Ivanka is lobbying for her father to be added to Mount Rushmore, even as he works feverishly to destroy American democracy by trumping the votes of 80 million Americans who fired him. Forget the people: the Trumps want government of the Trump, by the Trump, for the Trump.

The Top Ten Melania Trump Nicknames, Give or Take a Few

The Slovenian Sphinx (Maureen Dowd)
The Portrait (Ivanka Trump)
Old Mel and Dark Slovenian Soul (Dame Helen Mirren in People)
Melania Antoinette (Michael R. Burch)
Melania Antoinette de la Gilded Toilette (Michael R. Burch)
Melania Antoinette de las Thieves (María Antonieta de las Nieves is a Mexican comedienne)
First Babe
FLOTUS (First Lackey of the U.S.)
The ICE Queen (Gloria Erin Ryan) and The Cold One

According to Melania's former chief of staff and press secretary Stephanie Grisham, "The Secret Service unofficially dubbed her 'Rapunzel' because she remained in her tower, never descending. In fact, some agents tried to get assigned to her detail because they knew the First Lady’s limited movements and travel meant that they could spend more time at home with their families."

The Man-Boy Sitter, The Trump Sitter and The Trump Swatter (after she slapped her husband's groping hand away on an airport runway in Israel)
The Superglamorous Stepford Wife (André Leon Talley) and The Celebrity Apprentice Bride
The Bride of Trumpenstein and Mrs. Gaudzilla

Currently Rising: Mrs. Hitler (Bill Mahler), The ICE Queen, Miss Immigration, Miss Chain Migration (since her parents seem to have "chain migrated" to the US after her marriage to Donald Trump), MeNoWanya (Allan Ishac), The Cuckold (pun on "cuck"), The African Queen, The Red Queen, Miss Shutdown, The Shutdown Queen, Melania the Fair, Melania the Unfair, Mrs. Antarctica 2021

Mrs. Antarctica 2021 has reportedly been "bitter and chilly" toward The Donald since his failed insurrection caused his favorable rating to plummet to an abysmal 29%, and hers along with it. She left the White House with the lowest favorable rating for a First Lady ever. Melania Antoinette is also said to be very unhappy with Jill Biden, the new FLOTUS. Why? Because people like Jill Biden.

Melanie Trump Coronavirus Nicknames

Queen Corona
Queen Covidia
Melania Antoinette ("Let them eat coronavirus!")
Malignant Melania
The Unhappy Slappy Princess
Miss Social Distance
Queen Melania the Imperiled

While her orange-hued hubby, whose hair looks oddly like a corona, continues to host large public rallies, shake hands and refuses to wear a mask, Melania may not be so imperiled, after all, since it's unlikely that she allows him to touch her regal body. And there are photos of Melania wearing a face mask to protect herself from infection by The Donald! Furthermore, she has reportedly been practicing social distancing since Don the Con cheated on her while she was pregnant with her son Barron. But Melania Antoinette has never said anything against Don the Con's coronavirus lies, which is like saying, "Let them eat coronavirus!"

Melania the Fair wants Mira Ricardel fired for bullying. And she wants her husband impeached for the same reason. Also Acting President Melania wants the guest bed available for better company.—Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

How does Melania respond to bullying? With the public shaming of Mira Ricardel. Meanwhile, Melanoma says and does nothing about her husband's bullying ways. If Ricardel was fired for yelling, what about Old Yeller himself? And what is a piddling thing like national security, compared to the vast importance of Melania Antoinette's seating arrangements?—Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

While Trump claims to be "protecting" Americans from the evils of "chain migration," he is apparently married to its poster girl! First, Melania Knavs took work away from American models. Then, after Melania Knave married Trump and became an American citizen, her parents "chain migrated" to the US!

Related pages: Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Dishonorable Mention Melania Trump Nicknames: Mel, Sinderella, Tinderella, The Swamp Queen, Mater Harry (pun on Mata Hari and Dirty Harry), Pussy Bow (because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate), Double Agent (Christen Clifford suggested that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping), TerminEX (because she keeps slapping Trump's hands away, like it's over), The Black Widow, Eye Candy, I Candy, Ivana's Bane, Ivanka's Bane, Marla's Bane, The Dowager Queen, Queen Spleen, The Manchurian Bride, Princess Royale, The Casino Queen, Mel Trump, Mel T, Melanija Knavs (her maiden name), Melania Knave, Trophy Wife (Donald Trump called her his "trophy wife" openly, according to Michael Wolff), Frosty, The Frost Queen, The ICE Queen, The vICE Queen, Third Lady (after Ivana and Ivanka), Burberella, The White House Nonpresence (Michael Wolff), The Fashionista, The White House Hostage, The Trump Tower Tsarina, Rapunzel with Hair Too Short to Escape, Melistopheles, Muse (her Secret Service code name), The Professional Virgin, The Only Woman Trump Doesn't Grope, MeNoWanya (Allan Ishac), Miss White Supremacy, Miss Miami vICE, Shady Lady, The Stiletto A$$a$$in

Melania Trump hashtags: #SaveMelania, #FreeMelania, #MelaniaTrump, #FLOTUS, #Melania'sBurden

Damien Trump and his Stepford Wives meet Pope Francis, who is obviously uncomfortable in the presence of such Darkness and angles his cross slightly toward them, to keep them at bay!

Trump Family Nicknames ...

The Stepfordians
The KKKardashians
The Brooklyn Hillbullies (Michael R. Burch)
The Addumbs Family
Donald Duck Dynasty
The Four Norsemen of the Trumpocalypse (Michael R. Burch)
The Cold Ones
The Children of the Corn
Poor Little Bitch Kids
The Bitches of Eastwick
Apocalypse Now

Trump Divorce Nicknames ...

Reality Check Mate
Reality Czech Mate
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Toupee or not Toupee Melania Alimony, that is the Question!

White House insiders have been calling the president Don Corleone and Dumb Corleone because of his mob boss mentality. His oldest son Donald Trump Jr. is Fredo (the dumb son who keeps shooting himself in the foot), while Ivanka is Michael (the smart one). There is no doubt that Ivanka is the Godfather's favorite, since he gave her a position in his administration along with her husband Little Lord Fauntleroy. But if Junior is Fredo, wouldn't that make Senior another Fredo? Better call Puffed Up Daddy and his eldest son Dumb and Dumber! But where does this name game leave Eric Trump, another Chip Off The Old Blockhead who may be the dumbest of them all? Is Eric too dumb to be promoted to Sonny? They seem to be a trio of Fredos, so call them the All Fredos or Alfredos for short! But let's not rush to judgment: Bill Maher has compared the Trump brothers to another ill-begotten duo: Uday and Qusay Hussein. That would make their father So Damn Insane, and it certainly seems to suit him.

The Top Ten Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames (Bolded)

Dunce Jr.
Son of Drumpf
Donald Drumpkopf the Lesser
Bozo Boy
Baby Boy
Chip Off the Old Blockhead
Grade D T-Rump
Daddy's Human Shield
Putin's Puppy
Beavis Trump
Uday Trump
Fredo Corleone
Frito Corleone
Fraido (because like Fredo he's afraid of his father)
Frayed Dough
The Bedwetter and Diaper Don (because in college he would get drunk, pass out and wet the bed)
Public Drunk
The Plush Flush Lush
The Cheapest Gazillionaire Heirhead (People Magazine, after Junior proposed to Vanessa Haydon with a free ring)
The Airhead
The Bedhead
Mr. Brylcream
The Good Boy (Donald Trump Sr.)
Unbonny Donnie and Nondescript Donnie (because Ivanka got all the attention)
The Immoderate Don
The Groupless Groupie
Groper Jr. and Junior Abuser (he came on to women so strong at frat parties "everyone was warned to stay away from Donnie Trump")
The Great White Hunter (he even posed for a picture holding a severed elephant's tail!)
The Gushin' Russian (see the quote below)

"Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our a$$ets," Donald "Ponyboy" Trump Jr. told a real estate conference in 2008, "We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia." In 2014, when golf writer James Dodson asked Eric "the Red" Trump how his father could finance golf courses when American banks were declining to lend money against such a$$ets, he answered: "We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia." So when Trump Sr. claims to have "no dealings" with Russia, he is obviously lying. And of course Trump Jr. made the purpose of his treasonous Trump Tower meeting with Russian agents perfectly clear when he informed Jared "Jarhead" Kushner and Paul "Mole" Manafort about the covert operation in an email with the subject heading: "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential." Folks, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or IBM's Watson to figure this one out!

The Top Ten Ivanka Trump Nicknames ...

Ivanka Tramp
Ivanka Wanker (I Wanna Wank Her)
Ivanka Spanker (I Wanna Spank Her)
Proxy Wife
Nordic Goddess
The Norwegian Wood Inducer
The First Lady-Daughter
Kushner's Crush
Kushner's Cush Toy
The Smart One and Michael (after Michael Corleone, "the smart one" in the Godfather movies)

Dishonorable Mention: The Real First Lady, The First Shady Lady, Mrs. Kushner, The ICE Princess, ICE Princess Ivanka

Marco Roboto hugs the First-Lady-Daughter ... talk about uncomfortable!

Have no fear, Acting President Jared Kushner is here! Cushy Kushner makes all the major decisions while Truant Trump tweets, poses for photo-ops, gropes women's genitals, sentences babies and grannies to death, cheats at golf, then brags about his "accomplishments" and campaigns for reelection. 

We can all breathe a sigh of relief because Jared "Jarhead" Kushner is at the ISIS front, using his real-estate negotiation skills to counsel our enemies and console our troops! Trump's youthful Aide de Kampf will never rest until WWIII is well underway, and completely irreversible. There will soon be a remake of Full Metal Jacket starring Jarring Kushner in Full Dinner Jacket (and Tie). Little Lord Fauntleroy will also star in Ralph Lauren of Arabia, The Shilling Fields, PeeWee's Big Adventure and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner then Whines about the K-Rations.

The Top Ten Jared Kushner Nicknames (Bolded)

Vanilla ISIS
Ralph Lauren of Arabia (@ChannelTrump)
Aide de Kampf (Michael R. Burch)
Cushy Kushner
Trump's Little Cushball (Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Acting President Kushner
Little Lord Fauntleroy (Duratti on Daily Kos)
Putin's Puppet
Putin's Poppet
Putin's Proxy
Putin's Protégé
Comrade Kushner
Poor Little Rich Bitch
Little Jared (Ana Navarro)
Baby Boy (Ana Navarro)
Nerd Boy
Jared "the Red" Kushner
Jarring Kushner
The Boy Blunder
The Preppie Neo-Con
(Nimrod, the son of Kush, was the founder of Babylon)
Son of Babylon
(the name Jared means "descent" so he is the "Son of Kush," the patriarch of Babylon)
The Crown Prince of Babble-On
Trump's Lawless Son-in-Law
The Neophyte
Jared the Unready
Complete Fucking Idiot
(Samantha Bee)
The Neophyte
The Warlock
The Preppy Schlep

Dishonorable Mention: Putin's American Viceroy, Putin's American Vice-Boy, Putin's Cush-Toy, Putin's Putty, The Shadow, Jivanka, Jervanka, Ivanka's KKKrush, Back Door Channel, Cuckoo Channel, Channel Kushner, Channel 666 (Kushner owns the most expensive building in the U.S. at 666 Fifth Avenue, purchased for $1.8 billion or 6+6+6 billion), Lucifer Incarnate

The Top Ten Eric Trump Nicknames ...

Eric the Red
Eric the Brain Dead
Eric of Orange
Eric Idle
Mr. Alt-Right and Mr. Alt-Wrong
Draco Malfoy
Sonny Corleone
Chip Off the Old Blockhead II

Dishonorable Mention: Butthead Trump (his older brother is Beavis), Eric the Hysteric, Eric the Cleric, Mr. Roboto, The Self-Dealer, The Charity Defrauder, The Cancer Necromancer (he has been accused of using a children's cancer "charity" to slip money to himself under the table)

The Top Ten Tiffany Trump Nicknames ...

Little Miss Stiffie
Wild Card
Miss Invisibilty
Any Tiff
Tiff Fanny
Fit Fanny
The Other Daughter
The Unknown Trump

Dis-Honorable Mention Tiffany Trump Nicknames: The Forgotten Trump, Little Miss Invisible, The Trophy-less Daughter, The Stepford Daughter (pun on "stepdaughter" and "Stepford wife)

Barron Trump Nicknames ...

Little Donald
Poor Little Rich Boy
Barron von Trump
Barron von Munchkin

Frederick Trump Nicknames ...

Freddy Freeloader (he overbilled the government on housing projects)
Frederick the Not-So-Great
Father of the Beast
The Kingmaker (Fred Trump said that he raised his son to be a "king")
Woody Guthrie's Bane (the famous folk singer-songwriter wrong angry songs about Fred Trump's racism)

The Top Ten Trump Administration Nicknames (Bolded) ...

Moscow on the Hudson
The Kremlin Gremlins
Trolls Galore
(Hillary Clinton)
Amoral Flying Monkeys (Keith Olbermann)
Amateur Hour at the White House
Rank Amateurs
(emphasis on "rank")
Alternate Reality TV
Celebrity Presidential Apprentice
KKK: Kooks, Klowns and Kommissars
Den of the Re-Flub-Lycans (Michael R. Burch)
The Ninth Circle of Hell
The Fourth Reich
Combover to the Dark Side
Hair Hitler and the Whigs (Michael R. Burch)
Trump-Pence None the Retcher (Michael R. Burch)
Regressive Reds
The White Supremacist House (Michael R. Burch)
The West Wing Sexual Assault Emporium (Michael R. Burch)
The Oval Ovary Assault Office
The Ovary Inspection Office (Michael R. Burch)
Crack Team of Crackpots (Michael R. Burch)
AmeriKlan Idols
Kakistocracy (Ryan Lizza) ...

The Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames

(#1) Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST — by God and the Hebrew prophets — when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
(#2) Short-Fingered Vulgarian — by Graydon Carter
(#3) Agent Orange — by Anonymous (not sure if it was coined by the hacker group Anonymous, but this is one of my all-time favorites)
(#4) Golden Wrecking Ball — by Sarah Palin (who was not trying to be funny, but ended up being all too accurate ... so sad!)
(#5) Fuckface von Clownstick, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole (the UNAbomber?) — by Jon Stewart
(#6) The White Kanye ― by Bill Maher (or is Trump more accurately the Yellow-ish-Orange Kanye?)
(#7) Lord Voldemort, Orange Anus and Snake Oil Salesman — by Rosie O'Donnell
(#8) The Trump of Doom — by Michael R. Burch (adopted from the Bible and first used in a possibly prophetic Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
(#9) Thurston Shitbag the Third — by Bill Maher
(#10) Man-Baby — by Jon Stewart ... this one inspired a slew of jokes and similar nicknames ...

Q: What do you call it when a Man-Baby takes over the American government?
A: Coup d'Tot!

President Donald Trump signed bills in the  Roosevelt Room of the White House on Monday.

Tiny Hands Trump uses the world's smallest pen and desk to sign his latest dictatorial proclamations at his Birther Boy coming-out party. The women pictured are nannies beseeching the Boy Blunder to take a nap and stop bullying the world, but Man-Toddler Trump will have none of that! Bratman believes in ACTION, but he is no superhero. Short Attention Span Trump is the new official poster child for ADD. According to CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the mADD Man-Imp prefers his "intelligence" to be delivered with colorful pie charts, maps, pictures, videos and "killer" graphics. In other words, make military intelligence more entertaining, more exciting, more funlike a cartoon! Such is the Boychurian Candidate's latest thought bubble. Fortunately the Combover Kid's undersized hands are too tiny, weak and delicate to key in the nuclear codes, but it's not for Bratman's lack of trying to blow up the world!

President Donald Trump holds up his pen after signing the Historically Black Colleges and Universities HBCU Executive Order, Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2017, in the Oval Office in the White House in Washington.

Trump's nannies applaud as Widdle Donnie Whinydiaper learns to operate a pen with his teeny-tiny fingers. The Brooklyn Brat is certainly proud of his "big boy" accomplishment. But so far no one has been able to potty-train the Boss Baby's mouth (or his Twitter account)!

Currently Rising: Quasi-Dodo the Hunchback of Notre Shame, after Trump curtsied submissively before the Saudi king in his first official act as an American president abroad. The Big Dipper dropped a pretty little curtsey (for a Shambling Sasquatch, that is) while receiving the Gilded Collar of King Salman Abdulaziz al-Saud. This, after Two-Faced Trump had blasted President Obama for a much more dignified and reserved half-bow several years before, tweeting at the time: "Do we want a President who bows to the Saudis?" A meek little curtsey, however prettily delivered, is far less presidential than a half-bow, so let's add Hippo-CRAZY, The Hissy-Fit Hypocrite and the Hypocritic Oaf to our ever-expanding list of Trump nicknames.

Also Rising: Prima Donald, Sparkly Princess Trumpelina, Dainty Donald, The Ginger Genuflector, Orange O'Hara, Little Miss Teapot and Idiot Abroad (Samantha Bee). Trump loyalist and campaign adviser Roger Stone was livid about the curtsey, tweeting: "Candidly, it makes me want to puke #JaredsIdea." But was it a submissive bow, an obsequious curtsey, or both? One tweeter was happy to explain: "To be fair, first Trump bowed, then he curtsied like a sparkly princess!" Another tweeter adopted Trump-Speak: "Trump has all the best curtsies, nobody curtsies like Trump, everybody says so!" In a similar vein, Trump's submissive gesture was described as "one of the best and bigliest curtsies." However, there was considerable confusion: was the correct hashtag #TrumpCurtsy or #TrumpCurtsey with an "e"? Well, the "e" seems a bit more feminine to us, so we are voting for "curtsey" as befitting Her Royal Highness Princess Prima Donna.

Related pages: Famous Nicknames, Donald Trump Nicknames, Melania Trump Nicknames, Jared Kushner Nicknames, Ivanka Trump Nicknames, Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames, Eric Trump Nicknames, Mark Meadows Nicknames, Anthony Scaramucci Nicknames, Mitch McConnell Nicknames, Jeff Sessions Nicknames, Steve Bannon Nicknames, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Nicknames, Judge Roy Moore Nicknames, Kellyanne Conway Nicknames, Paul Ryan Nicknames, Hope Hicks Nicknames, Joe Arpaio Nicknames, Stephen Miller Nicknames, Sean Spicer Nicknames, Devin Nunes Nicknames, Michael Cohen Nicknames, Sam Nunberg Nicknames, Mike Pompeo Nicknames, Mike Pence Nicknames, Marsha Blackburn Nicknames, Diane Black Nicknames, Brett Kavanaugh Nicknames, Matt Whitaker Nicknames, John Kelly Nicknames, Mick Mulvaney Nicknames, James Mattis Nicknames, Ann Coulter Nicknames, Rush Limbaugh Nicknames, Rudy Giuliani Nicknames, Roger Stone Nicknames, William Barr Nicknames, Kayleigh McEnany Nicknames, Tom Cotton Nicknames, Betsy DeVos Nicknames, Ruth Bader Ginsburg NicknamesLindsey Graham Nicknames, Chris Christie Nicknames, Sidney Powell Nicknames, Nancy Pelosi Nicknames, Joe Biden Nicknames, Marjorie Taylor Greene Nicknames, Sean Hannity Nicknames, Tucker Carlson Nicknames, Donald Trump Cabinet Nicknames, Trump 45 Nicknames, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas, Donald Trump Poetry, Donald Trump Inauguration Poetry Donald Trump Curtsy or Bow?, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Is there a Republican War on Women?, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, 2016 Republican Debate, Ted Cruz Quotes, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, The Wit, Wisdom and Very Impressive Vocabulary of Donald J. Trump

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