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Tucker Carlson Nicknames
Tucker Carlson Quotes
Tucker Carlson Jokes

This page contains the best Tucker Carlson nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. Tucker Carlson nicknames and jokes have been coined by Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, Conan O'Brien, John Oliver and other late night comedians and TV hosts.

Putin is serial-murdering Ukrainian children and their mothers, while Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump praise and defend him. — Michael R. Burch aka The Loyal Opposition

The Top Ten Tucker Carlson Nicknames

The Moscow Mouthpiece
The Moscow Megaphone (Michael R. Burch)
The Moscow Megaphony (Michael R. Burch)
Tucker Charlatan
Sucker Charlatan
The Trumpsucker
The White Pride Piper
0-0-7 (Stephen Colbert)
Mouth Breather (Stephen Colbert)
Relentlessly Indignant Picket Fence (John Oliver)
Performatively Outraged Wedge Salad (John Oliver)

Dis-Honorable Mention: More Tucker Carlson Nicknames

Friar Tuck
Fryer Tuck
Liar Tuck
Gretchen (Jeanine Pirro)
Fuckup
Suckup
The most prominent vessel in America for white supremacist talking points (John Oliver)
White Supremacist Goblin
Hobgoblin
Slobgoblin
Snobgoblin
The "Bubba The Love Sponge" Brainiac
The Great White Snark

"Hello snarkness, my old friend / I've come to watch you kiss Trump's ass again ..."

The Replacement Theorist
Fucker Carlson
Fucker Charlatan
Fucker Snarlson
Fucker Snarkson
Fucker Sharkson
Moscow Sucker Snarlson (Michael R. Burch)

Tucker Carlson Jokes

Stephen Colbert played audio of Carlson's comments for his audience, including Carlson's statement that now-Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Elena Kagan was "never going to be an attractive woman." "Harsh words from the next 0-0-7 here," Colbert said, pointing to a photo over his shoulder with Carlson's mouth agape. "The name's Breather, Mouth Breather."

Stephen Colbert also brought up Carlson's defense of cult leader and convicted child sex offender Warren Jeffs: "Tucker, when you defend child brides, you don't go on the naughty list. You go on that list where you have to go door-to-door to tell people you just moved into their neighborhood."

John Oliver regretfully informed his viewers: "Our main story tonight concerns, I’m sorry to say, Tucker Carlson, the man who gives Tuckers an ever worse name than they already have."

John Oliver then explained his deep aversion to Tucker Carlson: "Of all the things that Tucker is, a conspiracy theorist, a misogynist, an Islamophobe, a troll, one of the most dangerous is that he is one of the most prominent vessel in America for white supremacist talking points. And I already know what Tucker will say about this because whenever this topic comes up, he has the exact same reaction: ‘What does that even. mean?'"

John Oliver: Tucker Carlson "couldn’t be more ethnically white than if he jizzed mayonnaise."

John Oliver: "Oh f*ck off, Tucker, you relentlessly indignant picket fence!"

John Oliver: "What are you talking about, you performatively outraged wedge salad? He’s packed a lot in there, from transphobia, to weirdly extolling the masculinity of China’s navy, to his completely misplaced outrage at Joe Biden over those flight suits."

Tucker Carlson Quotes

Most of the time you can beat a woman in an argument. But what do you win? Nothing. You get short-term pleasure followed by a lot of pain.

Pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It’s a mockery of the U.S. military.

Joe Walsh replied to the oinker above by tweeting: "Every woman in the military I've ever met could absolutely kick Tucker Carlson’s ass."

Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right?

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