Matt Gaetz Nicknames
Matt Gaetz Quotes
Matt Gaetz Jokes
This page contains the best Matt Gaetz nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. Matt Gaetz nicknames and jokes have been coined by Stephen Colbert, Colin Jost of SNL, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Garret Graves and Phil Murphy.
Matt Gaetz is the spittin' image of Richard Nixon, so call him Tricky Dick II. Or he could be Donny Osmond's evil twin brother. But in any case, it's obvious why Gaetz has to pay for sex! And it doesn't help that Gay Lord Gaetz was dressed by his cross-eyed, color-blind pimp.
On a more sober note, the New York Times reported that the Justice Department has investigated Jail Bait Gaetz over allegations he had sex with an underage girl and paid for her to travel with him, including over state lines. It bears noting that this investigation was launched by the Justice Department under William Barr, a staunch conservative. Why was Gaetz one of only two representatives to vote against a Florida revenge porn bill? Well, Mr. Revenge Porn was apparently emailing naked pictures of women to his fellow politicians. Hell's Gaetz was apparently defending his "right" to share intimate pictures of women without their consent. And, in at least one case, of an underage girl.
Felonious Punk has been accused of sexual misconduct with at least one minor, illegal drug use and bribery.
“Matt Gaetz, to say he came here as a fiscal crusader, it’s more likely he came here for the teenage interns on Capitol Hill, to be honest,” Marc Short told Jake Tapper. Markwayne Mullin said there was a reason no Republicans defended Gaetz when he was accused of what amounts to raping a minor: “We had all seen the videos he was showing on the House floor, that all of us had walked away from, of the girls that he had slept with,” Mullin told CNN’s Manu Raju. “He’d brag about how he would crush E.D. medicine and chase it with an energy drink so he could go all night.”
Mr. All Night Schlong is a very odd representative of the so-called "Party of Family Values."
The Top Ten Matt Gaetz Nicknames, Plus a Few
Tweaker of the House (Jimmy Kimmel)
Squeaker of the Mouse (Michael R. Burch)
Sneaker of the Louse (Michael R. Burch)
The louse in question being tRUMP.
Standard Five-Head Flori-Douche (Stephen Colbert)
Holy Brotox! (Stephen Colbert)
Flame-Broiled Donny Osmond (Stephen Colbert)
According to Stephen Colbert the new Matt Gaetz looks like “a wax drag queen from Whoville,” part of a “business school production of Cats,” “as if the Joker worked at Sephora,” “as if Pennywise went to law school” and “as if his plastic surgeon went to med school on a riverboat.”
Gaetz of Wrath (Stephen Colbert)
Hell's Gaetz
The Flood Gaetz of Hell
Hate's Gaetz
Watergaetz (The Washington Post)
Dire Straits Gaetz
Sewer Gaetz (Michael R. Burch)
Gay Lord Gaetz (Michael R. Burch)
Barbarian at the Gaetz
Felonious Punk (Michael R. Burch)
Young Nixon
Tricky Dick II
Slightly Less Jowly Richard Nixon (Michael R. Burch)
Young Dick
Juvenile Dick dressed by his cross-eyed, colorblind mother
Young Gargamel
Donny Osmond's Evil Twin Brother
Trump Fan-Boy (Stephen Colbert)
The Shrimp Tail in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Jimmy Kimmel)
King of Political Stunts (The New Republic)
Loco Loki
"Look ma, no hands!"
Knight Errant
AOC's Errand Boy
Matt Gaetz filed a "motion to vacate" Kevin McCarthy as House speaker. Rep. Garret Graves of Louisiana said Gaetz was "totally manipulated" into filing the motion, which resulted in McCarthy's unprecedented removal. "Matt Gaetz just got schooled by AOC," Graves said.
Schooled Boy
The Democrats' Aide de Camp
Deep State Door Matt (Michael R. Burch)
The MAGA Megaphone
The MAGA Megaphony
Clown (Garret Graves)
Garret Graves called Gaetz a "clown," saying he "would be a great dictator on a small island nation or something."
Fusty the Clown
Ronald McDonald Gaetz-Bozo
Bizarro Bozo
The Fund-a-Mentalist (Michael R. Burch)
Garret Graves also accused Gaetz and his co-conspirators of using their "vacate" votes to raise funds via imploring tweets: "All of a sudden my phone keeps sending text messages, text messages saying, 'Hey, give me money. Oh, look at that. Oh look, give me money; I filed the motion to vacate.'"
The MAGAt
The MAGAmaniac
The MAGAlogue
The Crow-MAGA-non (Michael R. Burch)
The Fool on the Hill (Michael R. Burch)
The Tool on the Hill (Michael R. Burch)
King of the Congressional Morons (Vanity Fair)
Well and Truly F-ked Matt Gaetz (Vanity Fair)
Kevin McCarthy's Nightmare on Helm Street (Michael R. Burch)
Max Shredroom (Michael R. Burch)
The Star of Gaetzgate (The Washingtonian)
Jail Bait Gaetz
Mr. Revenge Porn
Mr. All Night Schlong (Michael R. Burch)
Trump's Door Mat
Matt the Mat
Matt The Rat Gaetz
Matt The Sewer Rat Gaetz
Hell's-a-Poppin' Gaetz
Rick Gates (Donald Trump)
Donald Trump has repeatedly confused Matt Gaetz with Rick Gates, who was convicted after pleading guilty to crimes related to Russian interference in the 2016 election.
Professional Troll (Orlando Sentinel)
The Sheer Majesty of Stupidity (Stephen Colbert)
“I’m just in awe at the sheer majesty of their stupidity.” — Stephen Colbert
The Pod Squad
Matt Gaetz pronounced himself, "Female Dilbert" Lauren Boebert and "Mad Marge" Marjorie Taylor Greene the "The Pro-America Squad" but I have some more accurate monikers for the desultory trio:
The Pod Squad
Squid Pro Quo
Pardons 'R' US
Buffoons 'R' US
The Crow-MAGAnon Squad
The Buffoon Wing of the Republican Party (Nia-Malika Henderson)
Bilkaholics Anonymous
Moronics Anonymous
Idiots Anonymous
Dis-Honorable Mention Matt Gaetz Nicknames
The Trumpiest Congressman (GQ)
The Capitol Hill Shill
Jet Set Gaetz
Matt Putz (New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy)
Knucklehead (Phil Murphy)
Fool (Phil Murphy)
New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy called Matt Gaetz a "fool" during a press briefing. "You are not welcome in New Jersey, and frankly I don't ever want you back in this state." Pictures of a Young Republican event headlined by Gaetz had shown dozens of attendees, including Gaetz, milling about in close proximity to one another with scarce mask-wearing.
Loony Tunes
The Full Moon Loon (Michael R. Burch)
The Loon-a-Tick
The Keystone Flop (Michael R. Burch)
The Crackpot Kraken
The Crackhead Kraken
The Kraken with its lips firmly applied to Trump's Crack
The Krank
MAGA Man
Proud Florida Man
The Florid Floridian
King Condom
According to an article in The Washingtonian, evidence in Gaetzgate includes a "Costco-sized box of condoms."
The Spur Posse Sugar Daddy
The School Master
Mr. Ecstasy
Gross Gaetz
Gross-Out Gaetz
Drowning Man without a Life Preserver (Vanity Fair)
Canceled Man "wanted by the Deep State" (Matt Gaetz himself)
Matt Gaetz Jokes
I had a great Matt Gaetz joke, but the ghost of Hugo Chávez and the future ghost of George Soros stole it! — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"
“I’m just in awe at the sheer majesty of their stupidity.” — Stephen Colbert
“This is a man who interviewed someone who claims Hillary Clinton was running a Satanic pedophile operation out of a pizza place,” Jimmy Kimmel marveled after listening to Matt Gaetz defend himself to Tucker Carlson. “So, there’s always a twist.”
Washington Post columnist Sonny Bunch tweeted: "I like to imagine Liz Cheney sipping a fine bourbon as she crosses Matt Gaetz's name off her list."
Comedian Jen Kirkman shared a gif of Bette Davis smoking a cigarette and saying "Slow curtain, the end" from All About Eve, captioning it: "Liz Cheney tonight."
SNL's Colin Jost: “Rep. Matt Gaetz, who looks like a caricature drawing of me, is reportedly under investigation for an alleged sexual relationship with an underage girl, because Gaetz believes only voters should have to show ID. It’s also being reported that Gaetz may have paid for sex with women he met online. That story has since been confirmed by his whole vibe.”
Jost then poked fun at Gaetz’s statement where “Matt Gaetz” denied all the accusations and “looks forward to marrying the love of his life.”
“Colin Jost thinks you should hold off on sending those wedding invites,” Jost said.
Jost also criticized QAnon followers for bizarrely standing by Gaetz: “Here’s the craziest part of the story to me: A sitting congressman is being accused of child trafficking and the QAnon people are suddenly like, ‘Nah, I need more evidence.’ That was your whole thing!” Jost said. “Matt Gaetz’s girlfriend, she was allegedly 17. The 17th letter is Q. It all adds up. What are you waiting for? ‘The Storm’ is finally here and QAnon is like, ‘You can’t believe everything you read on the internet.'”
Matt Gaetz Quotes
"Look ma, no hands!"
There was a bill focused on combating sex trafficking during Gaetz's first year in Congress. The bill passed by a 418-to-1 vote ... with Gaetz offering the only “nay.”
“Matt Gaetz, to say he came here as a fiscal crusader, it’s more likely he came here for the teenage interns on Capitol Hill, to be honest,” Marc Short told Jake Tapper on CNN.
Markwayne Mullin said there was a reason no Republicans defended Gaetz when he was accused of what amounts to raping a minor: “We had all seen the videos he was showing on the House floor, that all of us had walked away from, of the girls that he had slept with,” Mullin told CNN’s Manu Raju. “He’d brag about how he would crush E.D. medicine and chase it with an energy drink so he could go all night.”
Markwayne Mullin also that said that Matt Gaetz called South Dakota governor Kristi Noem a “fine bitch."
Halsey Beshear has been accused of sugar-daddying underage girls as well. Politico reported that Beshear had three women “young enough to be his daughters” with him when he returned to Florida from the Bahamas in his private plane. That caused Customs Agents to take a closer look at Beshear. A third member of the Bahamas Pussy Posse was Jason Pirozzolo, a fundraiser for Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. NBC, CBS and the New York Times have reported that expenses for the trip — including female escorts — were paid by marijuana entrepreneur Jason Pirozzolo. A fourth person associated with the Cradle Robbers Cartel is Joel Greenberg, whose attorney says he is working on a plea bargain. According to Politico, Greenberg flipped on Gaetz after trying to get a pardon from Trump. Gaetz has allegedly been linked to Greenberg, who has been charged with a number of federal offenses, including sex trafficking of a minor and commercial sex acts.
Halsey Beshear nicknames: The Grim Reaper, The Not-So-Sweet Sugar Daddy, The Cradle Robber, Ballsy Halsey
Jason Pirozzolo nicknames: Mr. Marijuana, The Hands-On Hand Surgeon, The Handy Man
Joel Greenberg nicknames: Mr. Venmo, Mr. Cash App, The Matchmaker, Dire Abby, The Minor Miner, The Scarlet Pimp-ernel, Matt Gaetz's Wingman
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