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Matt Gaetz Nicknames
Matt Gaetz Quotes
Matt Gaetz Jokes

This page contains the best Matt Gaetz nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. Matt Gaetz nicknames and jokes have been coined by Stephen Colbert, Colin Jost of SNL, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.

Matt Gaetz is the spittin' image of Richard Nixon, so call him Tricky Dick II. Or he might be Donny Osmond's evil twin brother. But in any case, it's obvious why he has to pay for sex! And it doesn't help that he got his cross-eyed, color-blind pimp to dress him. On a more sober note, the New York Times has reported that the Justice Department is investigating Gaetz over allegations he had sex with an underage girl and paid for her to travel with him, including over state lines. And it bears noting that this investigation was launched by the Justice Department under William Barr, a staunch conservative. Why was Gaetz one of only two representatives to vote against a Florida revenge porn bill? Well, Mr. Revenge Porn was apparently emailing naked pictures of women to his fellow politicians. He allegedly made it clear that he thought it was his "right" to share intimate pictures of women without their consent.

Halsey Beshear has been accused of sugar-daddying underage girls as well. Politico reported that Beshear had three women “young enough to be his daughters” with him when he returned to Florida from the Bahamas in his private plane. That caused Customs Agents to take a closer look at Beshear. A third member of the Bahamas Pussy Posse was Jason Pirozzolo, a fundraiser for Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. NBC, CBS and the New York Times have reported that expenses for the trip — including female escorts — were paid by marijuana entrepreneur Jason Pirozzolo. A fourth person associated with the Cradle Robbers Cartel is Joel Greenberg, whose attorney says he is working on a plea bargain. According to Politico, Greenberg flipped on Gaetz after trying to get a pardon from Trump. Gaetz has allegedly been linked to Greenberg, who has been charged with a number of federal offenses, including sex trafficking of a minor and commercial sex acts.

Halsey Beshear nicknames: The Grim Reaper, The Not-So-Sweet Sugar Daddy, The Cradle Robber, Ballsy Halsey
Jason Pirozzolo nicknames: Mr. Marijuana, The Hands-On Hand Surgeon, The Handy Man
Joel Greenberg nicknames: Mr. Venmo, Mr. Cash App, The Matchmaker, Dire Abby, The Minor Miner, The Scarlet Pimp-ernel, Matt Gaetz's Wingman

The Top Ten Matt Gaetz Nicknames, Plus a Few

King of the Congressional Morons (Vanity Fair)
Well and Truly F-ked Matt Gaetz (Vanity Fair)
The Star of Gaetzgate (The Washingtonian)
Jail Bait Gaetz
Jet Set Gaetz
Trump's Door Mat
Matt the Mat
Matt The Rat Gaetz
Matt The Sewer Rat Gaetz
Trump Fan-Boy (Stephen Colbert)
Hell's Gaetz
Barbarian at the Gaetz
The Flood Gaetz of Hell
Watergaetz (The Washington Post)
Dire Straits Gaetz
Sewer Gaetz
Young Nixon
Tricky Dick II
Slightly Less Jowly Richard Nixon (Michael R. Burch)
Donny Osmond's Evil Twin Brother
The Shrimp Tail in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Jimmy Kimmel)
Mr. Revenge Porn
Rick Gates (Donald Trump)

Donald Trump has repeatedly confused Matt Gaetz with Rick Gates, who was convicted after pleading guilty to crimes related to Russian interference in the 2016 election. 

Professional Troll (Orlando Sentinel)
The Buffoon Wing of the Republican Party (Nia-Malika Henderson)
The Sheer Majesty of Stupidity (Stephen Colbert)

“I’m just in awe at the sheer majesty of their stupidity.” — Stephen Colbert

Dis-Honorable Mention Matt Gaetz Nicknames

The Trumpiest Congressman (GQ)
The Capitol Hill Shill
Matt Putz (New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy)
Knucklehead (Phil Murphy)
Fool (Phil Murphy)

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy called Matt Gaetz a "fool" during a press briefing. "You are not welcome in New Jersey, and frankly I don't ever want you back in this state." Pictures of a Young Republican event headlined by Gaetz had shown dozens of attendees, including Gaetz, milling about in close proximity to one another with scarce mask-wearing.

Loony Tunes
The Full Moon Loon (Michael R. Burch)
The Loon-a-Tick
The Keystone Flop (Michael R. Burch)

The Crackpot Kraken
The Crackhead Kraken
The Kraken with its lips firmly applied to Trump's Crack
The Krank

Proud Florida Man
The Florid Floridian
King Condom

According to an article in The Washingtonian, evidence in Gaetzgate includes a "Costco-sized box of condoms."

The Spur Posse Sugar Daddy
The School Master
Mr. Ecstasy
Drowning Man without a Life Preserver (Vanity Fair)
Canceled Man "wanted by the Deep State" (Matt Gaetz himself)

Matt Gaetz Jokes

I had a great Matt Gaetz joke, but the ghost of Hugo Chávez and the future ghost of George Soros stole it! — Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

“I’m just in awe at the sheer majesty of their stupidity.” — Stephen Colbert

“This is a man who interviewed someone who claims Hillary Clinton was running a Satanic pedophile operation out of a pizza place,” Jimmy Kimmel marveled after listening to Matt Gaetz defend himself to Tucker Carlson. “So, there’s always a twist.”

Washington Post columnist Sonny Bunch tweeted: "I like to imagine Liz Cheney sipping a fine bourbon as she crosses Matt Gaetz's name off her list."

Comedian Jen Kirkman shared a gif of Bette Davis smoking a cigarette and saying "Slow curtain, the end" from All About Eve, captioning it: "Liz Cheney tonight."

SNL's Colin Jost:
“Rep. Matt Gaetz, who looks like a caricature drawing of me, is reportedly under investigation for an alleged sexual relationship with an underage girl, because Gaetz believes only voters should have to show ID. It’s also being reported that Gaetz may have paid for sex with women he met online. That story has since been confirmed by his whole vibe.”

Jost then poked fun at Gaetz’s statement where “Matt Gaetz” denied all the accusations and “looks forward to marrying the love of his life.”

“Colin Jost thinks you should hold off on sending those wedding invites,” Jost said.

Jost also criticized QAnon followers for bizarrely standing by Gaetz: “Here’s the craziest part of the story to me: A sitting congressman is being accused of child trafficking and the QAnon people are suddenly like, ‘Nah, I need more evidence.’ That was your whole thing!” Jost said. “Matt Gaetz’s girlfriend, she was allegedly 17. The 17th letter is Q. It all adds up. What are you waiting for? ‘The Storm’ is finally here and QAnon is like, ‘You can’t believe everything you read on the internet.'”

Matt Gaetz Quotes

There was a bill focused on combating sex trafficking during Gaetz's first year in Congress. The bill passed by a 418-to-1 vote ... with Gaetz offering the only “nay.”

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