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JD Vance Nicknames, Jokes and Quotes
JD Vance is Donald Trump's choice for VICE president for the
obvious reason: he excels at Vice with a capital V.
Vance's campaign slogan: Vance is Trump's Last Chance to Advance!
Anti-Vance campaign slogan: Save the couches!
Vance's counter slogan: IKEA, I Came, I
Conquered!
Vance's campaign in a nutshell: I too have a
dream, to cream in my couch!
Vance's campaign song: When I get that
feeling, I want sectional healing.
This page contains the best JD Vance nicknames, jokes and quotes that I have
been able to find, plus a few that I came up with myself. JD Vance nicknames and
jokes have been coined by Michael Cohen, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Dean Gloster, Whoopi Goldberg, Chelsea Handler,
Kamala Harris, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth
Meyers, Ana Navarro, Trevor Noah and John Oliver.
The Top Ten JD Vance Nicknames, Plus a Few
Couch Creamer
Couch Potato
Trump's Hot Potato
"J.D. Vance is Trump's very hot potato, heavy on the sour cream and chives."
Michael R. Burch
Couch Louse
Creator of the Couch Cooch (TM)
"JD Vance does not couch his hatred for women."
Kamala Harris
"JD Vance hates women so much, he'd rather have sex with a latex glove. Even
one used to change Diaper Don's soiled nappy." Michael R. Burch
Couch Douche
Couch Louche
Couch Touchι
Couch et tu Brutι?
Putin's Futon (coined by Michael R. Burch)
Cushion Pushin' Sperm-Gushin' Russian Muffin (Michael R. Burch)
Vladimir Futon
Putin's Futon
The
Settee Pettee
The Unchaste Chaise Lounger
Sofa Seducer
Ottoman Bottom Man
Count Couch-ula
Chester the Couch Molester
ChesterMolesterField
JD Clamp-it (Michael R. Burch)
Jethro Deviant Clamp-it clamps innocent latex gloves in place before he
sexually abuses them. Michael R. Burch
Master of the Latex Matrix
Hands Solo
Poster Boy for the Prevention of Cruelty to Couches
"What happens with the couch, stays with the couch!"
Michael R. Burch
Sofa Gigolo
The Couch Mooch
La Z Boy
The Sofa Loafer (Michael R. Burch)
The Reckless Recliner
When I get that feeling, I want sectional healing. JD Advance Vance
Couch Fucker (Chelsea Handler)
"You sad, diet, Mountain-Dew-drinking, couch-humping, dolphin-porn
aficionado, all of us childless cat and dog ladies are gonna go from childless
and crushing it to childless and crushing you in November. And
before you tell me he didnt really fuck a couch, spare me. I grew up in New
Jersey in the 80s where everyone had a couch in their basement, and I know a
couch fucker when I see one."
Chelsea Handler
"Ive never seen someone with more couch-fucker energy."
John Oliver
"JD Vance's favorite couches to fuck include Hooker Furniture, SoCozi,
Nativa Interiors, Southern Motion, Burrow Nomad, Maiden Home, Ikea Uppland,
Elevate, Uttermost, Charisma, Lane Venture and Joybird. Fortunately Vance is an
equal opportunity couch fucker and there is plenty of him to go around! However,
Vance is not a fan of Burrow Block, since nothing should stand between a man and
the affections of his couch! And of course Vance is entirely opposed to all
products of Catnapper Furniture."
Michael R. Burch
"While it's demonstrably true that JD Vance had an affair with
his couch, it is not true that he had a one night stand with his nightstand.
After all, Vance is in it for the long haul." Michael R. Burch
"C'mon commies, please be fair! It's okay for Vance to
sleep with his couch, because his wife makes him sleep there!
Anything to keep those grubby hillbilly paws off her." Michael R. Burch
Bearded Inbred Couch Fucker
J. DeliverVance
J. Deliverance (Elizabeth Harris Burch)
First the Bearded Inbred Hillbilly delivers your couch, then he "delivers" all over it.
Michael R. Burch
Hillbilly Elegy
Wingnut Elegy (Chelsea Handler)
Hillbilly Royalty
Jethro Hillbully (Michael R. Burch)
Vance is a Hillbully because like Trump he bullies, insults and defames
women. In a 2021 clip, Vance can be heard telling Tucker Carlson that the United
States is being run by "a bunch of childless cat ladies who are
miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want
to make the rest of the country miserable too."
Muscle-less Jethro
Not-so-Slim Shady
Hysterical Hillbilly (Chelsea Handler)
Sofa-billy
The Kentucky Shillbilly (Michael R. Burch)
Middletucky
Hamiltucky
Jefferson Davis Vance
Jefferson Davis Faceplants
Trump of the South
The Surreal McCoy
James David Vance, as he is currently known, is a relative of another James
Vance who was a member of the infamous Hatfield-McCoy feud and is said to have
committed the murder that started the bloody affair.
Shady J.D. (Michael Cohen)
Shady Vance (Michael Cohen)
Trump's Aide de Kampf
"All that comparing Trump to Hitler stuff, full take backsies!"
Jimmy Fallon
JD Wentworth
Trump allegedly does not know his running mate's name and called him
JD Wentworth during a speech at a Michigan rally.
VICE president Vance
JD VICE
Ad-VANCE
JD Vance will ad-VANCE the causes of the anti-cat-lady wing of the Trump
cult via freaky social media ads.
Michael R. Burch
Just Dumb Vance (Whoopi Goldberg on The View)
Weirdo (Ana Navarro on The View)
Dolphin-Porn Aficionado (Chelsea Handler)
Fer-de-Lance Vance (Michael R. Burch)
The Sidewinder
Vance is a side-winding snake in the grass.
Former Never Trumper
Former Mr. Gay Pride
Mr. Shifty
Mr. Flip-Flop
Flipper
JD Ambivalence (Michael R.
Burch)
JD Ambivalence now kisses tRUMP's enormous orange ass, after previously calling Trump
"America's Hitler," a "moral disaster," a "morally
reprehensible human being," a "total fraud," a "racist," an "idiot" and
"cultural heroin."
Last Chance Vance
The Bearded Iceberg
Weirdo Beardo (Michael R. Burch)
Bizarro Beardo (Michael R. Burch)
Jimmy-John (the J has stood for both James and John)
James Donald Bowman (his birth name)
James David Hamel (his
mother's re-chosen name for her son)
James David Vance
J.D. Vance
JD Vance
J.V. (because he's not ready for the varsity)
JV Vance (Kamala Harris)
Judusha (because Vance and his wife Usha are the new Javaka)
John David Crow-MAGA-QAnon (Michael R.
Burch)
John David Crow-MAGA-nonhuman (Michael R.
Burch)
The Crow-MAGAnon (Michael R. Burch)
The MAGA Megaphone
The MAGA Megaphony
The MAGA Maniac
The Holey Crusader (Michael R. Burch)
His Satanic Majesty's Sock Puppet
Snark of the Beast
Human Enema
The Trump Enabler
The Trump Whisperer
The Trump Hisser
The Couthless
Couch Crotch Critter
Jethro Dull (Dean Gloster)
Teddy Fuckspin
JD Vance is what you get when you put a Creed cassette in Teddy Ruxpin.
Beardo DeSantis
Denser than Pence
Mike Pence Upgrade rev 6.66
Dolph Fungrin
Cushion Pushin' Beverly Shillbilly
Cat-man-poo
Cat-man-doo-doo
Litterbox
Askance Vance
The whole world is askance at what Vance said about cats and their loving
owners!
Bobcat (his Secret Service codename)
Bobcat Soldthwaite (he sold out to the American Hitler)
Captain Underpants
Captain Thunderpants
JD Faceplants
Mr. Love Seat
"I did not have sex with that couch! It was a love seat!"
JD Vance
The Cringemaster
Count Cringealot
Shady Vance
No-so-Slim Shady
JD Vance Jokes
"Ive never seen someone with more couch-fucker energy."
John Oliver
"Until he tells us otherwise, Im gonna assume that JD Vance fucked a
couch."
John Oliver
"First the Bearded Inbred Hillbilly delivers your couch, then he 'delivers' all over it."
Michael R. Burch
"All that comparing Trump to Hitler stuff, full take backsies!"
Jimmy Fallon
"JD Vance is correct that drinking a Mountain Dew is not inherently racist.
However, a racist like Vance drinking a Mountain Dew is racist. Glad to clear
that up." Michael R. Burch
"JD
Vance made a name for himself by writing the memoir Hillbilly Elegy, in
which he blamed his Appalachian region's suffering on laziness. Ironically,
Vance once allegedly tried having sexual relations with a latex glove stuffed between
couch cushions. Was Vance too lazy to date, perhaps? Or too lazy to work and make
money to date?" Michael R. Burch
"You sad, diet, Mountain-Dew-drinking, couch-humping, dolphin-porn aficionado,
all of us childless cat and dog ladies are gonna go from childless and crushing
it to childless and crushing you in November. And before you tell me he didnt
really fuck a couch, spare me. I grew up in New Jersey in the 80s where everyone
had a couch in their basement, and I know a couch fucker when I see one."
Chelsea Handler
"JD Vance does not couch his hatred for women."
Kamala Harris
"JD Vance hates women so much, he'd rather have sex with a latex glove. Even one
used to change Diaper Don's soiled nappy." Michael R. Burch
JD Vance Quotes
These are JD Vance's comments about Donald Trump when he was speaking more
honestly in the past:
Vance wondered whether Trump "is America's Hitler." (2015)
"Fellow Christians, everyone is watching us when we apologize for this man. Lord
help us." (2016)
"Donald Trump is a moral disaster." (2016)
After one meeting with Trump, Vance wrote "My god what an idiot." (2016)
"What percentage of the American population has Donald Trump sexually
assaulted?" (2016)
Vance tweeted: "Trump makes people I care about afraid. Immigrants, Muslims,
etc. Because of this I find him reprehensible." (2016)
"I'm definitely not gonna vote for Trump because I think that he's projecting
very complex problems onto simple villains." (2016)
"Trump's a total fraud who doesn't care if regular people call him
reprehensible." (2017)
"Trump's cultural heroin, just another opioid for Middle America." (2017)
On Twitter (X) Vance liked tweets that said Trump committed "serial sexual
assault." He also called Trump "One of USA's most hated, villainous, and douchey
celebs."
JD Vance has gone viral after a resurfaced clip showed him making sexist remarks
about Vice President Kamala Harris and other women. In the 2021 clip, Vance was
heard telling former Fox News host Tucker Carlson that the United States was
being run by "a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own
lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the
country miserable too."
These are other illuminating JD Vance quotes, from his emails to Sofia Nelson, a
Detroit public defender and longtime friend of Vance's:
"I hate the police. Given the number of negative
experiences I've had in the past few years, I can't imagine what a Black guy
goes through."
"The more white people feel like voting for Trump,
the more Black people will suffer. I really believe that."
"I'm obviously outraged at Trump's rhetoric, and I
worry most of all about how welcome Muslim citizens feel in their own country,"
he wrote. "And there have always been demagogues willing to exploit the people
who believe crazy shit. What seems different to me is that the Republican Party
offers nothing that's as attractive as the demagogue."
In these emails Vance criticized Trump both for
"racism" and as a "morally reprehensible human being." He called Trump a
"disaster," using a vulgarity, then added, "He's just a bad man."
Vance was in favor of reparations, writing to Nelson: "I have at least been
convinced of the virtue of compensating modern victims who've suffered redlining
or denial of federal benefits."
Vance denounced Supreme Court Justice Antonin
Scalia, saying: "His homophobic screeds are hard to believe in 2014."
After attending a Gay Pride Day parade, Vance
wrote, "It felt more like a frat party than I expected. But still nice to see a
lot of happy people."
Vance expressed his love for Nelson and wrote that that he was looking forward
to getting together for a longer conversation with "some bourbon and puppy dogs
by my side."
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